Make believe letters

Dear Nick,

I know that you want to play with the kitty Haylee but she doesn't always want to play with you. And, no, she doesn't think it is funny when you pull her hair. As you may recall I have repeatedly scolded you about messing with the kitties. So I am sorry that she gave you a gentle warning bite and I am also sorry that this warning bite didn't stop you from once again grabbing her hair and pulling. I chose not to intervene just before she gave you a second, equally gentle, warning bite only because I knew that she would get your attention and teach you to leave her alone better than I could. I know that you were devastated and very upset that your buddy Haylee turned on you but she didn't break your skin and you did learn that she means business. Please know that Mommy loves you even though I allowed you to be "viciously mauled" by the princess Haylee. I hope that you have a better respect for Haylee's need for personal space.
Love,
Mommy


Dear Waitress at the diner we ate at last night,

I am very sorry that Nick screamed at the top of his lungs for no reason what-so-ever. No he wasn't upset or crying he was just listening to himself scream with all his might. I didn't need you to glare at me to let me know that he was annoying. Believe me I knew. In the future please keep the following in mind for families with young children:

• Always give us a booth. Tables with chairs don't work with a booster seat. Booths are easier to corral hyper children in.
  
• Do not set knives at place settings for children.
  
• Do not set our huge overflowing drinks within reach of the children. What were you thinking?
  
• Children's cups need lids. And straws. Always.
• When you see that a family is almost done eating bring the check immediately. IMMEDIATELY. We need to make a fast getaway.
• Once you bring the check promptly take our payment and return with a receipt. Again, we need to get outta there fast before meltdowns begin.

I apologize for the small amount of food on the floor but that is why we left you an unnecessarily large tip. Get over it. We are doing the best we can.
-Kristin