Application

Tonight I completed my resume.  It only took . . . . 5 hours and lots of digging through paperwork.  Tomorrow I will submit everything.

I feel like I'm ready to go back to work.  A full 40 hour week is intimidating though.  I would really prefer a part time gig.  I don't know how I'd get enough quality time with my boys AND still get dinner and laundry and all the other stuff done with a full time job.  Yes AJ would definitely be willing and able to pitch in and do 50% but still it would be very hard to be away from the kids that much. 

Many women do it, and are very successful at it.  So I thought I'd attempt to get a job and see how it goes.  I really feel like Nick needs to be in a preschool with other kids and lots of mental stimulation.  He sees his brother going to school and he has a great sense of inequality.  And in return he gets very angry that he isn't at school like his brother. 

I'm nervous.  I've been home with the kids so long, I wonder if anyone will hire me.  I don't  imagine many people are sympathetic to a person who "used to do it" but hasn't for years because she's been raisin' babies.  I am hopeful though. 

Noodles and Lip Gloss

The day has improved.

Nick refused to get a hair cut.  He said he wanted to grow his hair long like Mommy.  We sat in the car while Daddy and Lucas got their hair cut.  He put on shiny lip gloss and puckered for this picture.  He looks fabulous.  Maybe he will go with the long hair surfer look this year.



Lucas came out with very short hair.  He looks a little bald here  . . .



The boys and I had instant soup today.  I'm tired and this is all I'm willing to do.   

 



Nick attacks his noodles with his usual gusto.  And then proceeded to gag on the huge mouth full. 



Lucas ate his noodles with more precision than Nick.  He wiped his mouth after every bite.  Nick occasionally used his arm sleeve to wipe his mouth.  

Today

Today Nick has chosen to be angry.  He has been in my bedroom screaming at full force for just under an hour.  I don't know what the problem is.  All I know is that he wants me to swoop in and try to pacify him - again - when in reality he needs to move past the problem and carry on with his day.  He refuses to move on until he gets what he wants.

He is just so stubborn.  He won't give up.  I really dislike that characteristic right now. 

Yesterday he and two other kids in the court kicked over an oil pan in our neighbor's garage.  Nick has used motor oil all over his brand new shoes.  I'm very displeased with that as well.  He said he knew it was wrong but didn't care.

It is all or nothing with him. There isn't such a thing as in between with him.  It is either really great, or really terrible.  I wish he would find a gray area sometimes. 

I wish I could go to sleep at a reasonable time too.  Last night the insomnia kept me up until 3am.  I woke up at 7 to get Lucas off to school - and now I have Nick who wants to hear himself scream and cry.  This is ridiculous.  Why can't I sleep??!!

More Positives

I was reading about the best and worst educated states in America - and I had a good laugh.  Poor Nevada. Yayy for me moving to Montana though!!  Suckazzzzz!!!  Jealous??!  If my kids survive the winters, bears and hunters they will get a good education!  Whoot Whooot!

AND THEN I looked at the happiest states in America.  So far so good for Kristin. Once again, poor Nevada.  Montana is number 5 though! 

I am assuming that the people that created these charts/lists actually knew what they were doing, but even so the "info" is getting me excited.  Maybe all the breweries are contributing to the happiness??  I know they certainly make me happy.

I will post pics of the kids drinking virgin bloody mary's later.  They were so excited that they had leafy celery sticking out of their drinks. 

Hooker Heels

I need to locate and purchase black pumps.  Not hooker shoes, but nice looking shoes.  The last time I wore black pumps was a few years ago and those particular shoes were so ugly and so uncomfortable I vowed to never wear them again.  I will tell you why.

First off: shopping online is a nightmare.  I have to constantly return shoes that do not fit.  It is really agony.

Today was day four of the shoe search.  I have been to every single store that sells shoes within a 15 mile radius - I'm not kidding you one bit.  I have been to major department stores and I have been to cheap Payless Shoe Stores.  I have been everywhere.  Why is this a problem??  Because I wear a size 12.  And size 12 women's shoes (excluding clogs, loafers and rubber wading boots) are next to impossible to find.

Example of a shoe store experience:  I walk in, and from experience I don't waste time looking around in the larger shoe stores.  I walk directly up to a sales person and ask what black pumps they have in size 12.  If it is a help yourself store - they point to a tiny corner rack against a wall where there are hideously large versions of plastic shoes.  If it is a nicer shoe store they do the obligatory walk to the back room to "look" and return with their head shaking.  One man pointed to a single pair of wicker looking shoes.  I asked him if this was "it" and said "uh-huh" and turned and sauntered off.  Bastard.

In the help yourself stores the tiny corner rack is usually the crappiest of the crappy.  I have to walk over just to be sure - and as I stand there I see cute shoes here and there and I have hope.  Blessed hope.  With the speed of a desperate vulture, I quickly snatch a pair and immediately check the size.  Size 10.  Bitches.  All the small footed bitches of the world love to taunt us enhanced footed women by putting their tiny shoes on our skimpy racks just to make us angry.  It works.  All the cute shoes that popped out at me are too small - and they were on "my" tiny sparse rack.  God. Damned. Bitches. It happens every time.

Store after store.  In the past I have asked people if they knew of stores that might have my size.  And they always say something like this "My cousin's wife's aunt who has enormous feet has always found lots of shoes at (insert shoe store), you should go there."  I then get my hopes up and excitedly hurry off to the store.  Surprise - those stores NEVER have a size 12.  They have 10 and 11, but not 12.  So if anyone else has any advice on where to go - please keep it to yourself unless you want me to become violent.  I'm done listening to stories about your cousin's wife's aunt and her terribly enormous feet.


Today, on my last store I wearily walked the isles, expertly scanning the sizes on the boxes.  Some stores make it easier because they put the enhanced sizes into a bigger box!!  Yayyy - I love to feel like I'm blending in as I walk around with a huge shoe box - while all the other bitches have their size 7 tiny boxes.  One woman elbowed past me as if I was about to steal the last Lucite hooker heel in her size.  She then stood there and complained about them not having the right color in the shoe she was looking for.  Poor woman - the tan one fit, but she could not locate a maroon one that fit.  I won't lie.  I fantasized about elbowing her in the nose and breaking her nose.  I don't feel bad.

I found the only two pair of shoes they had that are one size too small - but might, with luck, fit me.  When you are in my position, you either make yourself like the ugly too small shoes, or you go to your event in bare feet.  I noticed I was protectively holding my box of shoes like a tailback in a football game.  Fuck it.  I'm a bitch too.  Stay away from my hideous, small, hooker heels bitches!!

I tried the shoes on, dejectedly, in a corner.  One pair will "work" for my needs.  It isn't ideal, but it will work.  Four days.  One pair of shoes.  I bet that I will be crippled after wearing these hideous shoes.  But they are all I've got. 

If you see me in inappropriate shoes, don't you dare say anything to me.  Don't you dare.  I might step on you with my enormous feet if you anger me.  And after being crammed into small shoes my feet will kill you with the stink too.  Beware.  I'm not afraid to use these babies.

I really need to locate a cross-dresser store.  Cross-dressers (not drag queen's - there is a difference) need practical pumps don't they??  Where do they shop?  Because I need to go to those stores.  I'm not too proud.  In fact I have a great deal of sympathy for the cross-dressing men of the world who need to locate decent shoes.  Maybe I should open up my own store.  I'd make a fortune.  Cross-dresser's and big-footed women welcome.  I really think it would be a big success.  Why do big and tall men get stores, but tall women with big feet do not?? 

AJ actually suggested I contact GLAAD and ask them for a local cross-dresser group so I could find out where they shop.  I am seriously considering it - no joke.

Breweries

Is anyone noticing that the people in the really F-ing cold states like to make their own beer? 

I'm now wondering if all the children up there are born in August, September and October. 

I took this off of here, but the copyright was released to anyone so I posted it here so you could see.

Interesting things I've read about Montana: 

1. It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of a felonious crime. (any action movie?)
2. Creeks are pronounced "Crick"
3. It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperon (OMFG!!)
4. It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
5. Glacier National Park has 250 lakes!!!
Montana is the only state with a triple divide allowing water to flow into the Pacific, Atlantic, and Hudson Bay. This phenomenon occurs at Triple Divide Peak in Glacier National Park.
Montana has the largest grizzly bear population in the lower 48 states
2.7% of Montanans homeschool
They are called "Montanans"

Bargain Shopper

Here is the thing: AJ has no ability to circulate body heat in his body. If it is 50 degrees out he shivers. I, on the other hand, shovel snow in negative degree weather in my loose cotton pajama bottoms (mostly due to laziness, and because I have an undiagnosed death-by-pnemonia wish) and still manage to maintain my core temperature.

Lucas and I can't sleep with blankets, even in the winter because we have a functioning circulatory system. AJ an Nick barely survive the nights in the winter without suffering from hypothermia.

(Side story: this is how we sleep in the winter- AJ's totally buried under multiple blankets while I continually throw blankets off of me and sprawl out to dissipate heat. He wakes up and thinks that I must be cold so he throws the blankets back on me. I get violently grumpy (in my sleep delirium) and think he's trying to cook me so I throw the blankets back at him. And so it goes on all night.)

I'm a little worried that AJ and Nick won't survive the cold. Neither one of them have much body fat - which I think is the real problem.

Yesterday I went to Goodwill in a spontaneous attempt to find inexpensive, warm clothes. I freakin hit the jackpot. I loaded up on jackets for the kids to grow into (London Fog, Columbia, OshKosh) for 5 bucks a piece. They look new!!! And fleece - everywhere there was fleece, so I loaded up on fleece too!!! Everyone must be cleaning out their closets which is excellent news for AJ and Nick. The more layers, the better for them (and me too).

Tomorrow I have big exciting plans to hit an even bigger Goodwill in a wealthy area! I'm so devious. But really excited too. I might be able to outfit the whole family in super warm, nearly new clothes for bargain prices! Whoo Hooo!

Happy Annivers. . . . Oh Crap.

Yesterday was our 9 year wedding anniversary.

We both went the entire day without remembering.

We both forgot.

I can't believe we are even able to remember what month it is to be honest.

Isn't this the kind of thing that cause people to go get tested for dementia?

More Photos

These were emailed to me by a man and wife who we met while hiking.  They were very nice people - and were sporting some super duper cool (and expensive) cameras.  I didn't know they were taking pictures until we said goodbye and they handed me their business card.  They said they kept trying to get both me and Lucas looking at the camera - but we never did.  So thoughtful of them to send me the pics!!

P.S.  Holy Cow my hair is long!!  Time for a cut!

Me blabbering away again

The lady from the moving company came today to estimate how much crap we have.  We have a lot of crap - despite lots and lots of crap removal, we still have a lot. 

She counted chairs and framed pictures and she counted shelves and estimated a percentage of shelf use for each shelf.  It was very thorough.  She reminded me of everything we need to do before the move.  It was overwhelming to hear it all laid out.  All the stuff the won't transport.  They won't even ship the animals.  And she refused to box up the children too!! Geez.  What the hell kind of a moving company is this??

The lady was funny though - she said she had SEVEN boys.  SEVEN.  Yes.  SEVEN.  I asked her what injuries she hadn't seen yet and she laughed in a way that told me she had seen just about everything there was to see.  She told me that she had one crazy dare devil son who was always trying to think of new ways to kill himself.  After she told me this we walked into the living room and saw Nick standing on a kitchen chair rocking it back and forth, trying to see how far he could tip it without it falling over.  She laughed and said that Nick reminded her of her son.  Yeah.  Great.

We have had several people say they want to make an offer on the house  . . . but each person is unable to qualify for a loan and they all want to do a real estate contract.  I don't have time for a real estate contract.  Why bring people over here multiple times if the "buyer" isn't qualified?  That seems like a terrible waste of everyone's time, if you ask me. 

The kids are being super cute today.  I managed to misplace Lucas' library book from school, so I had to sheepishly go into his library and pay for it today.  I had to do it before his class visited the library so that he could pick out a new book just like all the other kids. 

I really don't know where the heck this book went - we don't generally loose books.  They are always either on a shelf, on the floor in front of the shelf, or on the bed with the kids.  Anyway, I made it right with $14.00 and Lucas was able to participate with his class as usual. 

I'm back to feeling swamped with things to do and not enough time.

Webcams

Here is the Glacier NP webcam page.  That is a lot of snow. 

It is nearly 70 degrees here in sunny NM today.  I'm glad I'm ordering so many snow clothes. 

Here is another site.  Whitefish isn't far from the park.  There are ski resorts very close to where we will live - which is great.

And here is the NWS forecast for the area. 


It looks like AJ will be here in NM one extra week - because there is a meeting in Santa Fe that his new boss thought he should attend.  So while he starts work for Glacier officially on May 22, he will be working here until the 27th and then traveling to his new duty station after that.  I hope to be with him on the trip up. 

I just don't know how it will all shake out. Eventually we will get up there.  Eventually we will get settled.  Until then I have a big welcoming bottle of wine on hand at all times.  And now that my sense of humor has returned, life is looking pretty great again.

Rear Facing Until the age of Two???

http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/21/car.seat.guidelines.parenting/index.html?hpt=T2

I'm all about the child safety but this is extreme if you ask me.  When Nick hit the age of one he was so freakin' tall that his legs were squished together and bent.  It was a blessing for him to actually be comfortable when we turned his seat around.  He was so happy.  And he was already in a convertible seat.  I think these recommendations are setting parents up to break the rules so that their kids will stop crying and hating the car and the stressed parents will feel terribly guilty about breaking the rules.  Just what we all need - more guilt. 

I think most people who have young kids will look at this and be highly skeptical.  It isn't about hitting a milestone, it is about having a somewhat tolerable car ride with a screeching child.  What is safer?  A balanced mother who is having a nice car ride?  Or a Mother on the brink of sanity who is a distracted driver trying to calm and comfort a pissed off 2 year old in a rear facing car seat?

Ladders



Nick refused to take his bike helmet off for the car ride.  So he looked special.  And we laughed about it.

 

Our little boy is getting so big.  We realized he exceeded the weight limits for the tether system in the car.  He needs a big boy seat belt with this car seat now.  *Sigh*

 

This deer was one of three that were bedded down close to the trail.  She was VERY pregnant.  She showed no signs of wanting to move despite all the rambunctious hikers.  I figured her feet were swollen, she was irritable, and suffering from terrible heartburn.  She had my sympathies.

  



I took Lucas up (and then back down) three of these ladders.  WOW.  It was a little scary seeing my little dude climbing away - totally oblivious to the danger.  But he did great and I was so close to him on the ladder that if he'd fallen I could have caught him.  He is such a great kid.

 

Lucas hung out  in the Kiva for a while.  Every picture I took had these white dots in it.  I think it was all the dust in the air.

 

  





Fun playing in the woods.  They both climbed up the log all by themselves. 

On our way home, about 20 minutes away from home, we got a call from a realtor.  She wanted to show the house in 35 minutes.  She estimated it would take a half hour.  I told her that would be fine. . . and AJ, the kids and I ended up eating take out dinner at a nearby park.  We finally went home, but they were still there, and parked in and in front of the driveway.  We parked in a neighbors driveway and waited. 

I then saw the realtor lady holding Maya (our kitty) as she walked from the back yard into the front yard.  She then knelt down and fumbled to get the lock box open.  I got out of the car where the kids were screaming because it had been a really long day and they wanted to go home, and I walked over and took my kitty out of her arms.  She only said "sorry".  I gave her a dirty look and stomped back to the car with the cat in my arms.  We waited for them to all drive away and then we were able to pull in and unload everyone. 

I later found out from my neighbor, that he had spotted the cat as the realtor locked the house up and was walking to her car.  She then caught my loose cat after a chase where Maya nearly got over the fence and into a dog infested yard.  I am pretty rattled by this.  What if my neighbor hadn't seen Maya?  What if she'd been allowed to escape and went unnoticed.  Unbelievable and scary.  Don't mess with my animals or my kids people!!

I will post some polite but firm notes on the doors to remind people that we still live here and please be careful of our indoor only cats.

It didn't ruin the day though.  We had a great day.  It was so nice to get out and see something new.

In The House

It is becoming more and more difficult to stay in this house during the day.  Mostly because we could get a call and within a half hour the house needs to be ready for people to walk through - open cabinets, look in the closet, go into the laundry area etc.  So in order to keep it clean I hurry up and clean it in the morning, and then try to rush the kids out of the house for an activity so that they and I don't get things dirty/messy. 

Today we were gone for four hours and three people came to see the house in that time.  When we got home we opened the big garage door as we always do, with our arms loaded with snacks and other road trip supplies we walked into the garage and found the door to the house locked. 

Freakin' lookie loos locked us out of our own house.  I don't even know where the garage door key is.

Last night we got a call to come see house and we had just put the pizza into the oven.  It is just so inconvenient.  But necessary.  But inconvenient.  Did I mention that it is a pain in my ass??

Also I have stocked the family up on snow shoes, snow pants, base layers, rain jackets, fleece jackets and hats.  I still haven't purchased gloves, socks or rain pants.  But thankfully we already have snow jackets.  It is unbelievable how much clothing we will need up there. 

They are STILL getting snowed on up there every night and day this week. . . . it will be fun.  It will be an adventure.  And I may just fall in love with it up there as I have down here.  I hope so.  In the mean time I am blowing our tax returns on winter gear so that us pansy ass New Mexicans don't die up there during our first "real" winter.

I went through a terrible 2 week depressed stage after AJ accepted this job where I couldn't talk about it without sobbing hysterically about all the negatives (ask anyone who talked to me and they will confirm that I was a mess).  I'm finally coming out of it and I'm getting really excited about the move.  I feel like this move is causing me to go through the 7 stages of grief. Strange.  It will be very exciting to have all of the outdoor recreational opportunities!!  Plus I started looking up all the animals and plants up there that I've never seen and I can't wait to get out and see them all.

Ohhh hey.  Fun Fact:  Did you know that the lock boxes (that the realtors use to hold your house key) will send a signal to the listing agent's phone every time they are opened by another realtor??  My realtor called me and told me who had been in the house today!  It sent as signal with all of the lookie loo realtor's information.  Really cool.  All this technology is crazy stuff.

Interrupted

The kids were out in the court playing again with the neighbors today.  There was as usual a lot of noise when suddenly it was interrupted by a very loud, very forceful bird song.  All of the motorized toys came to a stop.  All the running and yelling stopped.  All the fake sword play stopped.  And all eyes were looking for the source of the call.

It was on the roof next door. I saw the silhouette standing up there. It surveyed the motionless court as if to say "Yo! Little maniacs. Lookie up here and listen up! Yo!" 

Yes in my imagination it was definitely an inner city ghetto bird. 

Anyway.  It was a curve-billed thrasher.  He (she?) was pretty intent on getting attention.  It stood up there for a while singing to us.  All the kids thought it was pretty neat-o.  Especially because it had a reddish eye (I let them use my binoculars because I'm  freakin' awesome with kids - haha!).

Yo!

Mommy is Locked in a Room

I've locked myself in a bedroom while AJ finishes dinner.  I tried calling people to tell them the news, but no body answers their phones (still slightly grumpy- sorry).  So I'll tell you.  We had two people come through the house today - our first two showings.  One of those people is going to write an offer.  That would be awesome if the house was under contract after the first weekend we had it listed.  I guess I shouldn't have panicked so badly - because so far everyone has liked the house.  And no complaints on Maya's horrible poo.  I know better than to get my hopes up that this proposed offer will work out.  We wrote 3 or 4 offers on homes and all of them fell through before we found this house.  But it is still good news that the house is showing nicely and all of our hard work is paying off.

Grouchy

I am so irritable. Nothing is going my way today.

The cats have decided my bathtub is a freakin' litter box which stinks even though I continually disinfect the thing. And then Maya is so foul. Of course the first time someone comes to see our home (which was today) she fouled up the house with odor. My GOD she has issues. I went to put another plug in together and the f-ing thing exploded in my hand and on the counter. So now I and the kitchen smell horribly perfumed. I don't like plug ins to begin with. . . .

Nick is about to be put into foster care if he doesn't stop whining. I finally resorted to turning up the radio to drown out the non stop whining. It is truly enough to send me over the edge. He is so damned stubborn and persistent - an hour of non stop whining and crying is nothing for him. He can easily go for 2-3 hours NON STOP. I'm done trying to please him. Yesterday he was whining because he dropped a toy and I didn't bend down and hand it to him. So he started whining and crying - even though he was standing over the toy. I closed the door to the room where he was and pretended for 50 minutes that I didn't hear him while he stood in there, over his toy, and screamed for me to come back and hand it to him. He was PISSED OFF that I didn't respond. And let me clarify - I have never been his servant and have never picked up and handed that kid toys he dropped so I don't know where he got the idea that I am here to serve his every whim. He is out of his mind if he thinks that crap is going to fly around here.

The ruptured line in the backyard didn't go unnoticed. AJ is upset that I'm not letting him "fix" it again. He says he knows what the problem is this time and THIS TIME he will fix it right. I told him that if he touches it he's a dead man. So we are at odds over that.  He's insulted that I won't let him dig more holes and buy more equipment and cut more pipe to try to figure out the problem.  I think he is clueless and needs to just admit that he can't do this.

I dropped a whole carton of strawberries in the parking lot today. Nick came un-freakin'-done when we abandoned the stray strawberries in the middle of the parking lot. I had to wrestle him into his seat because he wanted to run and save the yucky strawberries.

So anyway. Anger. I am just so grumpy today.

Kids

We went to the zoo yesterday.  When we rolled up to the entrance there was a 45 minute line to get in the gates.  The parking lot was almost full.  So we decided that we would turn and go to the Natural History Museum instead.  It was loads of fun!  We saw dinosaurs that were found locally.  BIG BIG BIG dinosaurs found just a few miles away from my home - which is pretty awesome. 

When we were leaving we saw a restroom, so I asked Lucas if he needed to go potty before we left.  He - I swear to GOD - reached into his pants, right there in the big busy lobby, and began to whip it out.  I stopped him before he succeeded in flashing the entire room but he refused to take his hand out of his pants as we made our way into the bathroom.  As we were leaving the bathroom another little boy was on his way in with his Mom and he too had whipped his penis out in advance of getting into the stall.  I guess this is a common boy thing. . . ?

One thing that I love about this place is all the kids. The boys spent a good 4 hours or more outside in the court with their friends.  There were all ranges of emotions and situations during this play time.  Some kids got hurt, others had their feelings hurt, some didn't share, others were too bossy, most of the time it was the other person's fault - not their fault.  I have a big box of toys to get rid of sitting in our garage.  Several of the kids know this box is there and run in and take toys into the street to play.  Scattered toys everywhere.  I actually love it all.  It is just kids being kids in a safe environment (there is always a parent around somewhere).  The best thing is that they were all having fun most of the time. 

Several of the homes allow their young kids to ride four wheelers, dirt bikes and dune buggies.  That is why little Cesar is wearing a helmet that is half the size that he is.  He went into a garage and tried it on, then refused to take it off.  Kayden - another boy who is 5, was riding his dirt bike around with his helmet on  (and was very skilled!) showing off some tricks that he does when he competitively races.  Yes.  He's five and he races.  His parents are great people and are pretty laid back parents - which so far is turning out a pretty cool kid.

 These last two pictures were taken with my crappy camera on my phone.  It is various kids driving the tractor.  The boys kept taking it 4xing and trying to jump the curb while the girls kept it on the sidewalks and the street.  Boys and girls are so different.  When the tractor got stuck the girls got out and lifted the truck out of the situation, the boys laid on the "gas", refusing to get out, and switched between forward and reverse until the truck was free.  Funny kids. 

We got very mild sunburns.  I hadn't planned on the sun factor.  So tonight I picked up a few bottles of sunblock for the upcoming summer.

I'll leave you with this:

Nick filled the cat food with water and left it for me to find.  The cats were really pissed off.  They pooped in my bathtub to let me know just how pissed off they were.

Plumber

I love my husband.  He thinks he can be a plumber.  But he can't.  He really, really can't.  We have made "repairs" to the irrigation system no fewer than 8 times.  Eight times digging up the pipes.  Eight times cutting, gluing and replacing parts.  And now we have had eight leaks.  Will AJ's do-it-yourselfer self image get injured if I call a plumber on the down low while he is at work?

Pets and Fruit

I spoke with a realtor up there.  He basically said that there are very rarely homes for rent that allow pets up there. And most of the homes that allow pets are far far far beyond our price range.  

So.  We have got to sell this house.  Because we can only buy . . . from the sound of it.  Oh.  Hey.  Did you know that the AVERAGE home up there is listed at $430,000 as of this week?  And good news for them - the prices are starting to recover and are rising back to the "normal" levels which were $500,000+ average.

Yeah.

I know.

I see avocado green shag carpet in my future.  With the former owner's fat little spoiled dog's pee stains all over it.  And wood paneling.  I see a sea of wood paneling stained with water from the roof leak that was "fixed" by cousin Mo down on the corner.  I'm also seeing kitchens with two cabinets for all storage needs and a dishwasher that is conveniently on wheels and located in the dining room - how nice.  I see homes that were delivered on wheels, bathrooms with linoleum glued onto the walls instead of wall paper.  I'm seeing basements. . . Oh My God the basements are straight out of a horror movie.  You won't find me going down there at night even though that is where the children's rooms are supposed to be.  Cosleeping is starting to sound good.

You guys think I'm kidding.

I'm not. I'm starting to find the whole thing funny - which is good. 

On a positive note: I am slowly getting excited about moving up there.  I'm still so scared about selling this house in time - but once we get up there it will be ok.  It will be pretty.  Maybe I will learn to fly fish.  Maybe I will become an expert at ripping linoleum off of walls.  I will certainly be canning my booty off when all the berries and fruit trees ripen.  And maybe I will have to duke it out with a giant grizzly bear so that I can get some of the fruit.  That should be fun.  Maybe I will learn how to install and modify an electric fence so that it carries enough volts to scare the crap out of brown bears.  :-)

Love This

Nick was sitting at the kitchen table having a snack when I heard him quietly say "Mommy, I need you."  I turned to see him struggling in his chair to keep his eyes open.  I walked over and picked him up and he immediately was asleep.  So here we sit on the couch (I struggled to learn to use the computer camera for the pic above).  I miss him sleeping on me as an infant. 

It Begins

The house is listed.  I'm sad.  I love my house.  I love it to pieces.  It is my little sanctuary and I hate that we are selling it. 

I will get another sanctuary.  It will be awesome too.  But I hate to see this one go - especially when I had planned and envisioned being here for much longer than we were.  We haven't even lived here 2 years.  :-(

It is a little unsettling to see photos of your home up on the MLS website.  All of your furniture and your kids' bedroom with their stuffed animals.  Ugggh.  And now people get to walk through and open drawers and look under the sinks and in the closets.  I am pretty private about my house - I rarely have people over because I like keeping my space as my own.  I am strange like that, I know.

So there you have it.  I hope we sell it fast so that I can stop worrying about getting to MT.  If it doesn't sell, we will stay behind for a while and AJ will go up and start his new job.  That would be very difficult.  But a furnished house is supposed to sell faster than an empty one.  And traveling up 1200 miles to MT with three cats, one dog and two kids in a car would be . . .challenging without AJ.

If it does sell, then we get to move with AJ up to MT together, which would make it easier and smoother.  Then I would have a month to find a place to buy or rent depending on what we find up there. 

I think my anxiety is that I just don't know.  I don't know if we will sell, I don't know when I'm leaving, I don't know if we will buy, or lease, I don't know what it is like up there (I've never been), I don't know if I will be able to find work.  All the unknowns are stacking up and causing me to go crazy.  And yes, I know, I need to not worry about what I can not change.  I need to just trust that it will all work out.  But when it is your life, your kids. . . that is easier said than done.  But I will keep trying to just relax, let people sift through my home (assuming anyone comes to see the house - because there are SOOO many on the market), let time keep on ticking by and try not to panic as we coast into spring.

How This Works

I'm sorry but I am about to be grumpy so don't read it if you don't want.

Got the house clean.

The only way this has happened is that I have literally followed the children from room to room picking up after them.  They are very messy.  Crumbs at the table.  Pillows all over the floor.  Toys, books, shoes, socks.  Everywhere.  All the time.  And I have to keep it clean for people.

I don't think some people grasp just how active these kids are.  They never stop moving.  Ever. They don't sit and read, or play quietly.  They are running, jumping, throwing, building, hitting, climbing - all the freakin' time.  I think it is funny that there is all this encouragement for parents to read to their kids.  I can't read to mine because they won't sit for it.  I try twice a day, every day.  And every day I get frustrated because they can't sit still for a 5 minute book. 

Now they climb on the counter while I am in the other room remaking the bed for the fourth time that day. They are in the kitchen climbing the counters to get themselves cups of water.

And the cats.  Dear Lord.  The cats have been strategically pooing at the worst moment.  Maya in particular is a real bitch about it.  She will go take a HUGE poop right before the realtor comes and she won't cover her crap up so it STINKS clear down into the living room.  Every time a realtor has been here this week she does this.  Nick too.  Three times now in front of the realtor he announced he's going to poop and off he goes to stink up another room. 

The realtor suggested I get plug-ins.  Probably because of all the pooping going on around here.  It is embarrassing. 

The neighbor dog jumps the fence and gets into the front yard just to poop on our patch of lawn.  We have more poop out there.  Freakin' poop. 

Blahhh

I'm still grumpy.  Very, very grumpy.  Nick and AJ are sick.  Poor Nick finally fell asleep yesterday for a very needed nap after screaming and clinging to me for a full hour.  He was so tired.

While Nick slept Lucas and I did an experiment fit for a four year old.  We took liquid water, turned it into steam (vapor) and then turned it back into a liquid via condensation.  It was very exciting for Lucas.  He licked the plate to confirm that it was still water.  Ha!!  Funny kid.

Annnnd I'm Feeling Better. . . For Now

So.  Realtor Number Three is the one - as I said in my last post.

Realtor Number one: Freaked me out via text message.  My nerves can't handle that.

Realtor Number two: Great guy, awesome personality, very helpful and enthusiastic and he was very excited about his marketing techniques.

Realtor Number three: Immediately could tell I was freaking out (because most women would panic a little when they find out they are suddenly moving - with kids and in this market) and as a woman herself - spoke to me as I needed to be spoken to.  She told me not to panic and told me about homes in my area that she had recently sold - and told me that she was going to do everything she could to sell my house, including help me stage it.  Done.  That is what I needed to hear.  And she came highly recommended from a good friend . . . so there ya go.

On another note:  Lucas and Nick had a enormous fight over their basketball hoop and in the process broke the damn thing during the physical confrontation.  Lucas decided to lay on top of the thing (it was laying on the ground) to keep Nick from having it, and Nick was on top of Lucas trying to rip Lucas off of the basketball hoop (Nick is nearly as big as Lucas).  The hoop was smashed under their weight and the net was ripped off the hoop.

I was so mad at them.  Yes Mad.  Mommy's aren't allowed to get mad anymore it seems.  They are supposed to maintain their calm and always keep perspective and be all Stepford-like. I was pissed and I'm admitting it.  I pulled them off of the hoop, by the waist bands of their pants, and stuck them in corners for time out.  Lucas and Nick screamed and cried as I announced that I was taking the hoop to the trash - they had broken it and it was no longer theirs. 

Oh that was unpopular.  They were crying so hard that Lucas threw up.  He got up and ran to the toilet.  I brought him some water to rinse his mouth out - and then I sent him right back to time out. 

Brutal.  I know.  Just because you make yourself puke doesn't get you out of trouble.  Oh Hell NO.  And I left them sitting there for nearly ten minutes.  I thought I would feel bad, but I don't.

I don't remember ever having these physical confrontations as a kid. I remember fighting and screaming and maybe throwing something, but I don't recall having a full on Ultimate Fighting Championship brawl in the living room of my parent's home.  I don't remember my parents ever having to pry my sister and I apart by the waist bands of our pants. I don't think we ever stepped on each others hands on purpose or jumped from the couch in a surprise move to tackle the other one as they walked past.  It is insane.  I keep disciplining but these boys seem to be hard wired to do this crap.

Incidentally - if anyone ever needs to know. . . the waist band thing worked really well because they ended up hanging there like little bats and they couldn't do much about it.  I need to start lifting weights so I can be ready to bust up fights when they are teenagers.

Half Done

Message from the realtor (who we liked):  DECLUTTER

I need to do SOMETHING, anything with my bedroom.  It is ugly (he didn't say ugly).  Maybe hang something on the wall??  Get rid of dog crate.  Clean my closet. . . . and under our bathroom sinks.  Get water/soap spots off of my shower. 

Clean over the washer and dryer.  Get rid of some kid toys.  Separate kids beds into separate bedrooms. 

Clean yard. 

Clean garage. 

Finish painting.

List it soon.

He's right about all of it.  But wow.  I appreciated his honesty. 

This market is brutal.

I included pictures so that you all can make suggestions for improvements.  I am taking all (inexpensive) ideas to heart. 


 UPDATE:  I just spoke with another realtor - who I instantly fell in love with.  She is super reassuring which is what I need for my own psychological welfare.  The other man was very nice and very energetic.  But this lady was telling me how I didn't need to hire a "staging company" because she would tell me what to do and save me some money.  AWESOME!  Love her already.  I have hope again people!!  Hope has been restored. 

Text Message

The realtor's preferred method of communication is via text message. 

He sent me a text that was ominous.  It looks like we will loose double my original estimate on our house.  Double the loss I originally calculated. 

DOUBLE.

This is unbelievable.  Was accepting this job the biggest mistake of our lives?? 

This has made me physically ill. 

There are homes in my area that are up for sale for $62 a square foot.  And there are a gazillion of them on the market too.

What the hell are we going to do?

What the hell did we do?? 

We meet with the realtor tomorrow to confirm what I already know. 

I am just devastated.

Not Centered, Not Calm

 Remember a few weeks back how I was pissed at the eggshell paint because it got dirty?  Well I went and put paint splotches all over the walls so I could decide on a different color.  And then we suddenly were moving.  And AJ turned and laughed at me for the terrible timing of my painting temper tantrum.  It is funny.  The timing was terrible.

Messy living room, with random paint colors on the wall - yaaayyy!

 

The boys were helpful in trying to help me try out colors of paint. And, at the time we had all spring/summer finish the job.

 

Two weeks ago we installed some bitchin' lighting and illuminated the heck out of my kitchen with this wonderful soft and warm lighting.  I waited 1.5 years to find lighting I liked, and finally did.

 

Now we are in panic paint mode.  Up butstin' our bottoms until after midnight.  Of course we are no where close to done.

 

The youthful cat grew tired of playing with screwdrivers and pouncing and tackling bits of tape.  She made several creative attempts to jump into our paint trays - but we were miraculously able to thwart her attempts at Kitty art.

 

She was so pooped out that even the flash and noise of the camera didn't wake her up.  She was truly exhausted, as were we.

 

This is the state of my kitchen.  I am tired just looking at it. Somehow we will pull it all together for the Monday morning meeting with the realtor.

  

This morning we had so much help that we were unable to accomplish much. At least our help was adorable.

 

Lucas was in charge of putting the light switch plates back on - and he did a fantastic job.  He too is adorable.  The kids are sensing our tension and don't understand.  So AJ has taken them off to a play land with pizza for lunch to try to make life a bit easier on them.


I on the other hand will be having fun with some friends for a couple hours today which will be nice.  In fact one of my friends called me to ask if I needed a ride and I started crying because I just couldn't make another decision.  I need to lighten up.  It will all be good.  It will all work out.  All we can do is our best.