Need I say more?
I need a swimsuit to go snorkeling in and let me just ask the universe a few questions. Who's brilliant idea was it to put HORIZONTAL stripes on a bathing suit? And polka dots? In my size? You have GOT to be kidding. No one wants to see a person in that size wearing a green polka dot bikini!! I think I might just stick to the Archaeological tours and skip the snorkeling. I don't want to be mistaken for the rarely seen albino humpback whale. I'd hear fellow cruisers yelling "Look it is breaching isn't it magnificent. . .wait . . . is that a green polka dot bikini?"
So I moved onto the wedding attire. Dresses. Yes those are safe. Right? No. It has been so freaking long since I have shopped for a dress - much less tried one on that I forgot how to get into them. Is there a zipper? Do I go in from the top? Okaaaayyy. Maybe I go in from the bottom? Do I tie this thing in the front or the back? Holy Freakin' Cow!!! (looking in the mirror) Why in the hell did they put pleats there?? They make me look even larger than I looked naked! Now how do I get out of this thing?
Slacks. I ended up with slacks. Whew. But now I need to get one of those body shapers. You know. The Spanx body shaper. To get rid of my unsightly bulges. If it's good enough for Oprah then it is good enough for me.
oh my, I don't even want to think about trying on a swimsuit under flourescent lighting. Add maternity bikinis to your list of "WTF??!!" swimsuits. Seriously, who buys those?
ReplyDeleteSwimsuits and flourescent lighting do not equal pretty. Plain and simple. You just wait for your cruise my dear. There will be all different sizes and shapes. Just remember there will always be some smaller but more that are much, much bigger. So walk proud in that green polka dot bikini!!! Work it girl.
ReplyDelete