No More Locker Room Ever

Today was day TWO of the second session of swim lessons. 

Today was the second day I attempted to get both children dressed in warm clothes in the locker room after swimming.

Today was the LAST day I will attempt this.

It was 38 degrees outside (counting the wind chill) when we left swimming and walked to the car.

Next time we will do this while wet.

I don't care.

I just can't handle Lucas loudly asking about other peoples boobs while they change clothes. 

MY GOD. 

And Nick.  That kid loves to hear his echo, especially when he's screaming.

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Today Lucas said: Mom you yell a lot.

I feel terrible.  I need to stop yelling.  But how?  How do you not yell when you catch your two year old climbing up to the top shelf in his closet because there MIGHT be a belt for him to wear way up there.  He was 3/4 of the way up!

Instead of eating their apple sauce like normal people the took the straws out of their milk and tried to suck the apple sauce up the straws.  When it got clogged they blew into the straw and there was apple sauce everywhere.

Two bites into the super yummy turkey sandwich they they insisted on having because they were starving - they are now full.  Too full to eat 1/4 of a sandwich. 

I didn't jump fast or high enough for Lucas so he starts YELLING AT ME to hurry up and get him his water.  Oh - and it had to have ice in it.  MOM NOW.  MOM, I ASKED FOR ICE WATER. MOM LISTEN TO ME.  MOM YOU SHOULD REALLY LISTEN BETTER.

Nick laid on the carpet, with his shoes on, and kicked the shit out of my door to the garage.  For NO reason.  I was collecting my purse and he was apparently impatient.

Lucas decided that he wanted to read his new library book - but when I finished reading the first PAGE he popped his ass into the air and farted in my face.  RIGHT next to me on the couch!!

Nick decided to finger paint on my table with his milk.  Just because . . . it was fun??

Lucas decided to take one of his toys and beat the living crap out of one of my wood tables.  His toy is made of metal.  WHY?  Because he wanted to see how hard the table was. 

Nick climbed on top of the dog crate which is now housing our new kitty.

Lucas got pissed at Nick and shoved him into a door frame - denting Nick's head.

THIS IS ALL SHIT THAT HAPPENED TODAY.  And it is an incomplete list. A VERY incomplete list.

HOW DO YOU NOT YELL??? 

Every day there is a whole entire list of new shit to yell about.

Ya'll I know I joke frequently about drinking.  And it is a joke.  I really don't drink often.  Maybe a beer every other week.  I'll be honest.  I purchased a case of beer and my first bottle of wine this week.  While I don't intend on getting plowed I do intend on self medicating until AJ gets home friday.

The thing is - I think I'm pretty consistent and I make them say please and thank you.  I make them clean up their own messes.  I make them be respectful and nice.  But the minute I turn my back to make that sandwich they wanted - BOOM applesauce everywhere.  Or the minute I gather my purse/phone/keys so we can leave - my door gets kicked.  Where is this behavior coming from?  I don't allow it - I come down on them every time - and yet they keep beating me down. 

I love them, they are really great kids . . . but this phase of testing me has got to stop soon.  And sticking a little 4 year old asshole into a Momma's face and pushing a fart out is SOOOOOOO not cool.  He was sent to his room without reading a book after that episode.  He was crying.  And I bet you tomorrow he will try to do it again.