So Far This Week is Crap

I am having a bad week. It is Tuesday. I'm screwed.

AJ is out of town until hell freezes over, the kids are not feeling too great and neither am I. Nick fell off the counter top last night, Olivia got aggressive with Lucas today. Now I have to work with Lucas and the dog so that she realizes that she is on the bottom of the totem pole, not Lucas. And did I mention that I'm a single mom until the end of March? I did? Ok good.

To top it all off today on the way to take Lucas to his Dr I had a piercing pain in my chest and left arm. The next 5 hours my arm was tingly and weird feeling. Hmmm.

Back story: My heart frequently does weird things, misses beats, speeds up, slows down etc. I had it looked at in 2004 when it soared above 180bpm and I couldn't get it to come down. The cardiologist at the time wanted to thread a catheter up my femoral artery all the way up to my heart so he could burn one of the nodes (can't remember if it was the SA node or the AV node) and stop the crazy rhythms. I told him that was too invasive and that I didn't want to do it.

Here we are, 6 years later and I occasionally still catch my heart doing strange things. I haven't been worried. The cardiologist told me it wasn't life threatening, but that at some point I'd want the procedure. Last night my heart was jumping around and it kept me awake for about a half hour before I fell asleep.

So when I got the chest pain, arm pain and tingling I was on edge. I called my Dr and they evaluated me and told me it was probably indigestion. My blood pressure was low and my heart rate was normal. They offered an EKG but the kids hadn't had lunch (it was 1:00) and were barely holding it together in the office. So I declined.

But now I am worried. Now if I were to go back in time to 2004 I'd have had that procedure. Now I am home alone with two little kids who need a Mommy. I mean - all the worst case scenario things are going through my head. What if I'm one of those women who has a sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 31? It happens.

I know I'm over reacting. I am really good at making a big deal out of nothing. I just think things would be better if AJ didn't have the travel schedule he does or if we lived closer to family. I'd have been able to get that EKG today, I'd not have to work 16+ hour days, and I'd have a real live adult to talk to and hug every morning and evening.

Did I mention I might be PMS-ing? That might explain some of the drama above. :)

Here's another pretty flower picture to perk me up: