Uncivilized

I stopped working to stay at home with the boys 2.5 years ago. When I worked alone in the field for so many years (like 12 years) it wasn't a big deal to let a little gas fly without looking around for people, because there were rarely people around me. I was generally alone outside somewhere. If I had a clogged nose then a "snot rocket" was an acceptable way to deal with the situation. When I was working with people they were "field people" who exhibited the same behaviors I did. Cussing was standard. Peeing outside second nature because there weren't bathrooms - ever. I never worried about my clothing as long as it was functioning to keep me dry, warm and shaded from the sun. I never worried about my footwear (steel toed boots and hiking boots) unless I was breaking in a new pair. My hair was always pulled back and usually under a bandanna or hat. Make-up? Forget about it. I cared about having enough sunblock, water, and food with me. I cared about getting injured far from a road. I cared about mountain lions, wild cattle and sudden lightning storms. I cared about accidentally stepping on rattlesnakes.

But then I had Nick. I got fat and out of shape, stayed home to be with my boys (a circumstance I love and value despite my frequent complaints), and moved. I joined a Moms group and started crafting. My conversations with my new Mommy friends are about normal, regular things like where to find a good sale on groceries, birth stories, boobs, kids, schools/preschools etc. I like having these conversations, I always learn a lot and better yet I'm getting to know the ladies in my neighborhood whose kids are in the same age range as my kids.

Here is the problem. I'm having trouble adjusting. I caught one mom watch me unconsciously pinching my nose with my index finger and thumb then wiping my fingers on my pants. I realized what I had done and how barbaric it must have looked to her and was embarrassed. I keep doing things like this though. I let a fart go at a gathering not long ago and as it was sliding out thought "OH CRAP!!! STOOOOPPPP" but it was too late. Fart released. No turning back. And yes I received a strange look for that episode as well. Not a snotty look. But a look of: "Did you just do what I think you did?"

Yes, yes I did. And I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late.

I'm not squatting to pee in the corner of the room. That's progress. I'll keep working on becoming more civilized.

Maybe someday I'll care about not wearing the same shoes everyday all day until they wear out, and I have no choice but to purchase a new pair. Maybe I'll even get fashionable, shoes!! Maybe someday I'll want to own more than one pair! I really hope to be more civilized one day.

P.S. It is a miracle I found a man to marry and stay married to me. AJ is pretty remarkable.