Tough Enough?

I’m not kidding you, what I’m about to tell you is the truth, and nothing but the truth:

The Montanan’s are freakin’ pissed as hell that they live in a dark, cold and wet place.  I keep trying to be optimistic.  I decided I needed to be as cheerful and enthusiastic as I could be, while still appearing to be sane.  

When I’ve encountered sales people at the register, I’ll ask them about the area and how long they’ve lived there.  WITHOUT FAIL (again, not f-ing with you at all) they ALL have some sort of angry, hostile response about the weather.

Just last night as I purchased rain boots for the kids, I asked the sales lady if it was true that the wet season is in June.  She had been very cheery and happy up to this point.  When I asked my question she lowered her chin, looked at me over the top of her glasses and in a deeper voice said “Honey, forgive my language but, it is ____ing wet all  _ _ _ damn year long around here.” 

 She didn’t stop there.  UNPROVOKED she continued on about how she had lived in Montana for 11 years.  She even lived up in the mountains around Yellowstone.  She had endured many a cold, dark Montana winter, but she was NEVER, EVER going to spend another winter in this part of Montana.  EVER.  She had just purchased a place in Florida and was making her “escape, because I just can’t take it, I just can’t do it anymore, I really can’t take it again.  I really need to get out, it is awful.”

You guys.  This weather issue has been my primary concern from the beginning, but I keep thinking that I’ll adapt like all the locals and it will be fiiinnnne. Jussst fiiiinnne.  But every single local is angry.  They are really really grumpy.  

Today it was sunny allllll dayyyyy loooonnng.  It was fantastic.  I love the sun.  So we went to a playground I found in town (30 minutes into a small town) and had a picnic.  As we were leaving a family was arriving and I passed the grandmother and commented on what a beautiful day it was.  Her response was this (again, totally serious!!) “It’s about friggin’ time!!  I’ve been waiting for this!!!”

Okaaaay?

I’m sure this is a fluke.  I bet most people here like it, or else they wouldn’t stay.  Right?  And this was an exceptional year for weather.  Right?

Well anyway.  One thing is for certain.  The men are MEN (insert Tim the Toolman grunting) up here.  They drive big ass gas guzzlers, and think us car folks are pansies.  You don’t hunt???  Anything???  You one of those tree hugger, granola Californians???  They hoist huge 55 pound bags of dog food onto each shoulder and stand in line to pay.  They don’t need that pansy ass shopping cart.  You kidding?  That’s what God made a shoulder for.  To carry the dog food.  

The Costco doesn’t stock the standard summer stuff.  They stock Montana stuff.  They have just about every type of back country water filter made.  They have hot wires and metal ice chests.  They have Satellite phones and smokers for the big game species.   They stock HUGE boxes of yeast for the women folk to bake up bread.  I’ve only read about boxes of active yeast that were this big.  

And you know what?  I was peer pressured by an old woman in Costco into buying one of those huge boxes of yeast.  I wanted to look like a local and so when she started talking in the language of a survivalist mountain woman I pretended to know what she was saying.   Something about shelf life, and rise times and winter baking.  I really don’t know.  I threw it in the cart and agreed that this was the best yeast I’d ever used and am so happy that they have more for me to buy.

Yesterday the maintenance dude told us very casually that we’d likely see wolves, bear, deer, cougar and the occasional moose cruise through the neighborhood.  No worries though, they really don’t want much to do with people, he says.  What about squealing, running, tripping, clumsy, tender children?  “Ummmmm, yeah you should probably keep an eye on them, but your dog will chase most things off.”

I really like it here.  It is fantastic.  I hope I blend in and meet some happier people though.