Sometimes They're Cute: Magic Cat Ass Cleaner

Today we baked brownies. Although, I did not attempt the recipe I mentioned in my last post. It was too complicated for me to try with two little boys helping. So we made my go-to brownie recipe which I'm still struggling with at this elevation. It turned out well - but once again it fell and was under done in the middle . . . ok, so maybe it didn't turn out well - it failed. Damn this elevation. Next time I WILL do the altitude adjustments - I will!!

While we were prepping the brownie batter, Maya our kitty cat, jumped up on the island counter and sat with her back to us. I glanced at her and noticed she looked dejected, and a little miffed about something. It looked like she wanted attention, but wasn't getting any. Her head hung low and she glanced at me over her shoulder.

I was up to my wrists in melted chocolate and butter and battling to keep the boys from tossing flour all over everything while flouring the pan. Someone smelled like poo. The boys denied pooping their pants. The smell wouldn't go away.

It was time to add the eggs. Nick cracked an egg and then tossed the shell into the batter with the egg. I picked out shells. He felt bad and nearly cried because he thought he messed the whole thing up. I told him he was fine and the batter was fine and that we would practice our egg cracking skills more.

Still poo smell - stronger than the melted chocolate. Where is it coming from?

I smelled the boys. They were clean.

Then I turned. I saw Maya.

Sitting on my counter.

OH GOD. I smelled her as she sat there still dejected looking.

OH GOD. I lifted her up and saw a brown smeared mess under her bottom - and on my counter.

OHHHH GOD.

Now it was on my shirt as I carried her to the bathroom. I stood there holding her, not sure what I was going to do. What do I do? I looked around helplessly, trying to think of a way to get her clean without giving the cat a dreaded bath.

I had images of her long dagger like nails running through my head. I kept turning in circles and looking around scanning the area for a magic cat ass cleaning tool.

SHIT why didn't I clip her nails yesterday like I'd planned?? Why don't they make cat ass cleaners?

The boys came into the bathroom with me and we closed the door. I sat on the rim of the bathtub and prepared the kids for what was likely going to go down in that bathroom. I felt they should know that things were going to get ugly-er.

"Boys. Maya had diarrhea. She isn't feeling well and she has poop all over her tail and legs and bottom. We need to wash her. Kitties don't like water and so Maya is going to fight me and scratch me and try to get away. YOU ARE NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR. I need to get the poop off of her. You both are to stand there and watch, do not help me because I don't want you to get scratched. Are we good? Do you understand?"

They nodded with their eyes wide as they stared at Maya.

I flipped on the water and waited for it to get warm. Maya tucked her tail between her legs and waited patiently in my lap. I was surprised she didn't try to get away with the water running so close.

It was warm and ready to go. I realized I didn't think to grab pet shampoo on my way in. And I didn't have a wash rag. I'd have to use my hand. Yayy! I found the magic cat ass cleaner! It was attached to me the whole time. Good times.

I stuck her under the warm running tap and waited for her to realize she was getting wet. She didn't move. She waited as I washed her bottom and rinsed. Wow. My magic cat ass cleaner wasn't bleeding anywhere! This day was getting better!

Then I dried her off and she never once tried to scratch me or get away. She seemed relieved that she wasn't covered in crap anymore. No wonder she looked sad on the counter. She wanted someone to clean her and was hoping I'd notice her. To achieve this she smeared poop on my counter top. Smart girl.

Have you ever tried to take a tight t-shirt off of your head that is covered in liquid cat poop?

It was really hard.