Said Today

Me:
"Lucas don't lock your brother into the sleeping bag."
"Nick don't smother your brother in the sleeping bag."
"That's it, no one plays with the sleeping bag."
"Who left the water running??!!"
"Stop fighting and help Mommy find the dog poop."
"Damn, I forgot to get diaper wipes at the store.  Lucas, bring Mommy the paper towels please."
"Lucas put the windex down, now."


Lucas:
"Don't worry Mommy, I just sprayed the chemical on my skin, not on my eyecovers."
"Mommy, I don't want to shower.  I'm busy cleaning and cleaning men don't take breaks."
"Nick did it."
"I didn't, Nick did."


Nick:
"I don't want grapes.  I want strawberries."
"But I wanted grapes, not straaaaawbeeeerrries."
"NO.  I want pineapple Mommy.  I'm so hungry."
"Buttttt I'm huuuuungry.  I don't want that, I'm huuuungry."
"You hurt me."
"Yes you did, you hurt me Mommy."
"NOOOO, you did!!"

P.S.  I never got near him and he declared that I hurt him.  He's on the fast track to being placed in foster care if he keeps saying that.