Overheard by a Neighbor at the Front Door

The title says it all. Lucas and I had a conversation in the hallway (close to an open window) while my neighbor had apparently knocked on the front door and waited for me to answer. This is what my neighbor at the front door to my house overheard:

Me: Lucas get your hand out of your pants!
Lucas: My butt is itchy.
Me: Let me see.
Lucas: Nooooooo.
Me: Stop. Move your hand. Stop it. Lucas let me just look at it.
(pause)
Me: Lucas. Your butt itches when you start to poop and then suck it back into your butt.
Lucas: Me not poop.
Me: Yes you did, and now you have skid marks. That is what itches. Let's go wipe your butt.
Lucas: Me have skid MARKS!!!!!
Me: Do you need to poop on the toilet?
Lucas: Nooooooo.

Then the neighbor knocked again - this time I heard the knock. And then she laughed at me (I laughed too) as she told me what she heard. Great. Now my neighbor knows all about my poop conversations with the 3 year old. Thank goodness she has kids too.