Things I Can't Change

Lucas. I love that kid. He is so sweet and so caring and I am so proud of who he is. However there are some things about him that worry me. He is so rigid and very . . . . anal. Things have to be just so with him.

Today my some of the ladies and their kids from my Moms group came to the house for a meeting about next months activities. From the moment people came into the house Lucas totally blocked out his surroundings. I had left Dora on TV so that kids could watch it if they wanted, and Lucas pulled a chair up close to the TV and sat there 2 feet away from the TV watching Dora while a bunch of (at least 10) kids his age ran around playing with toys and having fun. Lucas was the only kid that didn't play. This went on for an hour and a half. He just couldn't cope with the chaos. He just can't socialize at all. It breaks my heart.

Every once in a while he would turn around in the chair and yell at me over the noise about something going "wrong" with the train table that the kids were playing with. He didn't like that they were rearranging the tracks. I think that is a normal response to people playing with your toys - and it made me think that at least he is noticing his surroundings. However he didn't get off the chair and he never played with a single kid.

Tonight in the court all the neighborhood kids were playing with their toys and Lucas kept standing in front of the bicycles and the kids driving trucks because he wanted to "fix" their vehicles. These kids wanted to ride their bikes and play and Lucas kept physically stopping them so he could pretend to fix stuff on their toys. He keeps doing this. I've noticed that the kids avoid him now. They don't want to play with him because he is "weird" as I heard one kid say. I keep trying to explain to him what is going on and how to play but he doesn't seem to understand.

I remember as a kid when I had social problems it ripped my Mom's heart out of her chest because all she wanted to do was make the hurt go away for me. And I am beginning to understand what that feels like. Some things you just can't fix or change. I know it hurts him that he isn't accepted. He doesn't understand why the kids don't want to play and be around him. And I can't help him.