Happy Birthday Nick!!!

Two Years Old!!

Hippity Hoppity

Meet one of our neighborhood Leporidae who was chilling out on our lawn for most of the day.  The dog and kids love to come and watch the twitchy noses and bulging cheeks as they eat.  The top picture is in "it's too damn hot out here" mode.  This was before the storm.  The bottom picture is when it was in storm mode. . . preparing for more rain and wind warrants laying the ears down flat. Pretty stinkin' cute.  

You Know When . . .

You know when you've had a challenging day full of adult concerns and suddenly your kids put what matters most into perspective? 

What matters most is that Nick is not feeling well and fell asleep in my bed. 

What matters most is that Lucas is very concerned about his scab falling off prematurely. 

That is what matters. The rest of the nonsense can wait.

Making a Good Lasting Impression

Today is Lucas' last day of school for the summer!!!  As a treat I fed the boys cinnamon sugar toast dipped in milk for breakfast.  Mmmm. When Lucas' bus arrived I was still in my pajamas and I helped him out the door and onto the bus.

Just then something darted behind the bus.  It was Olivia.  Nick must have let her outside (I must not have shut the door all the way).  She is across the court in a flash and is fence fighting with our neighbors dogs.  I'm taking after her with my bra-less boobs jiggling all over the damned place while yelling at her to "GET OVER HERE", which was highly effective as evidenced by her continued barking and complete disregard for my approaching presence.  Meanwhile the bus is waiting, and waiting and I can't figure out why they haven't left.  My neighbor who owns the dogs Olivia is trying to eat, comes out and sees me jiggling all over as I try to walk barefoot over gravel to retrieve my pain in the ass dog.  So I drag the dog back over to the house and as I get closer I see Nick standing out on the soaking wet grass . . . naked.

Nick apparently stripped off his PJ's and diaper to come outside.  To top it off there was cinnamon and butter covering his face and he was happily munching away on a slice of cinnamon toast.

The bus didn't leave because they didn't want to hit Nick who was unsupervised, NAKED and eating on the front lawn at 7:20am while I was dragging our crazy ass dog back to the house while trying to casually hold my boobs down with one arm. 

Our relationship with the Bus People started out shaky and it is ending with a big old white trash bang.

I Hate Coupons

I hate coupons, people.  It makes me think of beautiful women with perfect hair and makeup who shower daily, clipping coupons in their clean immaculate clothes.  Their chores get done promptly by 8am and the rest of the day is spent tickling and cuddling their adorable equally perfect children.  I know this prejudice is sooooo not based in reality but again you can blame my delusions on the drinking and my inferiority complex.  :-)

But I gotta tell you, coupons are starting to look better after I found this site. The Krazy Coupon Lady pretty much takes the work out of coupons for you.  Check out the deals - sorted by store.  I might convert to more of a coupon clipper now that I have found this.  Who doesn't love a deal?

Now that I've let you know about my super awesome discovery, I'm going to go try to brush this ENORMOUS knot out of my hair (I let the boys "style" my hair earlier) and try to find something worth eating for dinner. And if you drop unexpectedly by my home I will not answer the door because I'm embarrassed by the mess.  Just a little FYI on that.  I will also hold unexpected visits against you for eternity (it's how I deal with the embarrassment, "it's not my fault it's yours", kind of mentality).  I'm super bitchy like that.

Lazy Monday

Morning Window

I got hit in the eye and then the mouth with flying little kid toenails as I tried to trim them.  Lucas thought this was hysterical and told me to do it again and again.  YUCK

AJ is working hard to change the sheets on our bed while the kids are "helping".  He is so great.

I kicked my Dyson in anger for it's failure to operate.  That should teach it a lesson.  My foot is now tinged with a developing bruise.  My foot apparently got a lesson too.

Nick and Lucas are jumping and giggling together on my bed.  They are so funny.  And are having a great time.  I love the sound of their giggles.

I need to shampoo the carpets. . . there is a spattering of vomit on it from Lucas being sick yesterday.  That was nice to find.

Oh NO He Didn't!!

Yesterday Lucas decided to show the neighbors my "boo boo's" and without the slightest warning whipped up my shirt to expose my flabby, stretch mark-y, blindingly white belly - which has hardly noticeable scars.  Yeah.  The neighbors didn't see scars because they were hard to see past the aforementioned albino belly.


It was a great feeling of humiliation.  I promptly pulled my shirt down and through gritted teeth and smiling (FAKE) lips told Lucas to leave my shirt down.  The neighbors turned away quickly as if they had just seen some monstrously hairy plumbers crack.

Good times.

I can't wait to whip up my shirt and show his first wide eyed girlfriend my scars in 11 or so years. I'll just use a fake case of alcoholism as an excuse. . . .

Gift bags for Lucas' preschool teachers

Here are some gift bags that I made for Lucas' teachers. Ms. Amy McCollum orchestrated the entire project! I think it all turned out beautifully. We made the bags, and inside put two post-it pads, three pencils tied together with ribbon, two pens and a thank you card.  I made three bags and it took me about 3.5 hours.  Fun!! 



Pens with fancy paper inside to add a personalized touch.

Handmade paper flowers decorating a pad of post-its.


It was fun hangin' out with the girls today and even better that I can now give beautiful gifts to some amazing teachers that deserve every ounce of recognition!!

Forgot to Get Good Pictures

 Well, Miss Joanne came into town yesterday to visit us and these are the only pictures I got of the kiddos.  Sorry Amy.  BUT Joanne got some pictures so you may want to hit her up for some. . . .

We had a great visit! It was so nice to finally see her beautiful girls.  Caroline (the baby) has the best facial expressions!  She smiles at you constantly.  Sara and the boys played so well together.  Sara is going to be real trouble as a teenager with her cheekbones and big beautiful brown eyes.  Look out Iffy!

And on a completely unrelated subject.  Lucas fell out of bed again last night and this is how he looked.  SO CUTE!!  We keep the old crib mattress there so that when he falls out of bed it isn't so bad.  Apparently it wasn't bad at all because he never really woke up.  His legs are still suspended in the blankets.  Funny kid.

Seriously.  What the hell is wrong with me/blogger that I can't get the text over/under my pictures?  This is Ridiculous!!!

Trouble

There was a crash, then some crying. Then grunting and shoving then the crying got louder, then the other one started crying after something hit the wall. I walk over to where they were behind the couch and saw that they were arguing over a single screw. All that for a screw. Both of them went to their rooms.

Then they were allowed out of their rooms at which point they began hitting each other with hammers. Back to their rooms. Once the crying stopped they were allowed out again.

Now there is more grunting and an "uh oh" sound coming from their general direction. I am sitting here typing while drinking a beer.

Time to go deal with the "uh oh".

You May Not Care But. . .

LUCAS IS POOPING ON THE TOILET NOW!!!!!!

It has taken us a long time to convince him that pooping on the toilet is better than pooping in underwear or pullups. He was very stubborn about this and while he was more than happy to go potty in the toilet he absolutely REFUSED to go poop on there. It got to the point where he would flat out refuse to go at all until he became horribly constipated and then it was painful which made the whole situation worse.

The pediatrician told us to not put any pressure on him because it would make it worse. So we just ignored it and kept changing his pullups every time he pooped. He would tell us he had to poop and we would change him from underwear into pullups so that he could go. Again, if we didn't put him in pullups then he would get constipated and end up in pain, which would make him more unwilling to go. We used mild laxatives that the Doc prescribed but those were just to get him to GO in pullups after a bout of self inflicted constipation.

I can't emphasize how excited I am. Finally WE HAVE POOP IN A TOILET!!!!!!!

People who aren't parents may not understand what a huge freaking deal this is but having one less bottom to wrap in a diaper is a very big deal!

And more important than Lucas' accomplishment is my accomplishment:

I have finally potty trained someone! Horray for me. I don't fail the potty training section of parenting!!!!!

: ) *kidding of course*

Ta Daaaaaa

Here it is. 17 feet folded up and only 2000 lbs (our vehicle is rated to tow 4500 lbs). It is cute and perfect for what we will use it for. I am so excited!!! I have been looking and shopping for one of these things for the last few years and finally we found one that was just right. We camped in it at Meteor Crater and realized just how easier life will be with the trailer. We can run away on the weekends and not have TONS of work setting up camp. Just throw some camp chairs into camp and call it good. It has a refrigerator that will save me from messing with ice chests too.

Since camping is "our thing" I don't consider this wasteful or unnecessary spending. This will make it easier for us to introduce the boys to our passion: the outdoors. I don't really intend on "camping" in locations with hookups. It is kind of cheating to call sleeping in an RV/trailer "camping" to begin with. When the kids are older we will introduce them to backpacking which is a whole new level of awesomeness.

Meteor Crater. I had never been here before but we splurged and spent the $15 per adult to go see it. And it was worth it. The visitor center was really well done and good for all ages. We weren't able to do the rim walk but I would like to return to do it when the boys are older and less prone to jumping off a cliff.


Case in point: Note that Nick's feet are not on the ground? Yes, he was attempting to jump the fence.


And the lack of railing at this location made me nervous. Especially since there is a lizard sitting on the edge of the path (you may see it in the picture) that Nick was intrigued with. I kept a firm hold of the hood on his sweatshirt because he refuses to hold hands. I forgot his leash at home. . . .


And then there was the case of Nick laying on his belly trying to squeeze under this railing. This is an overlook that is a hanging platform over the cliff. There is about a 50 foot drop under that railing, and you wouldn't land on marshmallows. No you would land on jagged rock outcrops.


This is the look he gave me when I reprimanded him for attempting to get under the railing. Needless to say he was never out of my reach. I am hoping that he will soon learn caution and/or some measure of fear.


Lucas on the other hand preferred to look at the drop from between the slats in the decking.


And he didn't try to jump through the railings. We still kept a hold of his hand though.


Here he is after he shoved Nick off of the benches. We had a great time at the crater despite Nick's repeated attempts to jump. The kids got out of the car and ran around which was really nice. Plus they got to see the resident kitty cat kill a lizard and then proudly parade around with it before eating it. Exciting stuff for little boys. AND they got to push every single button on the interactive displays in the visitor center - which was a really big deal. Buttons were everywhere!!!

Spur of the moment

Well it looks like we are leaving for Phoenix tonight. We found a trailer that is an unbelievable deal and so off we go to get it. The kids haven't sat for a road trip in a very long time so I am a bit worried about how they will handle it. Hopefully they will just suck it up and be cheerful. . . .that also sounds a bit unbelievable.

I am hoping that this trip isn't a waste. I hope the trailer is all that the man described and what the pictures show. If the trailer doesn't work out there are several others in the Phoenix area that we will go see.

Instead of a pop up trailer that we were shopping for it is a small hard sided trailer with pop out ends for the beds aka "hybrid". I know we will use this trailer all the time. Last year we went tent camping a handful of times and had a great time. However we discovered that setting up a camp with the boys is wayyyyyy too much work for one weekend trip. And we only seem to get weekend trips so a trailer would simplify the whole experience exponentially. Plus we wouldn't freeze our butts off like I did last year. And if it rains, like last year, it won't ruin the whole experience by creating freezing, soaking wet kids, beds and food.

I'm a little stressed out about spending money and about the last minute travel. And of course a tenant called tonight because her stove isn't working at all. So I have to try to get a repairman out there (while traveling in the car) this weekend or asap, which is stressing me out too. I hate spending money. Did I already mention that I hate spending money? Well, just so you know, I hate spending money. : )

Oh, and one more thing: I hate spending money.

Wild and Crazy

Now that I'm back to my old self and healed from the gallbladder thing the boys aren't cutting me any slack. I really don't know how people with more than two children are able to function. It blows my mind to think of what life must be like with three, four or more kids. I am just not cut out for that. I readily admit I'm not sure I'm cut out for two, but I'm trying to toughen up and roll with the punches.

Nick was taking a shower last night with Lucas while I sat down for the first time in hours. Suddenly I hear a joyful squealing and a small, pale, naked, dripping streak go running by me. It was Nick soaking wet and enthusiastic about running around the house after "escaping" the shower. I just sat there and let him. What the hell, why not? So he did some laps went back into the shower presumably to warm up and then came running by me again. And again I let him. My carpet will dry right?

Then I went to dress Lucas and Nick decided to take a hold of his privates and take a big pee on the bath mat. Little #$%@!. I would have punished him but he isn't potty trained and I am 80% sure he did it on purpose but since there is a questionable gray area I opted to ignore it rather than unfairly discipline a not-quite-two year old over misplaced urine. I'm just glad I don't need to shampoo the carpet . . . again.

And dressing Nick lately is like calf roping. Have you ever seen a rodeo with calf roping? All the skinny limbs kicking and thrashing trying to get away? And the rodeo dude doing his best to get a hold of every flailing body part and pin the thrashing body down at the same time. . .? That is me with Nick lately. Any sort of a diaper change is some sort of weird toddler power struggle and for Nick it is like a fight to the death. Good versus EVIL. Nick versus the UNIVERSE and by GOD he is determined to exert control over when and where the diaper changes occur - and if they occur at all. Incidentally I have found that holding his hips down with one hand and fastening the diaper with the other works fairly well. His shoulders and legs can move about pretty freely in their protests but as long as the hips are relatively still it IS POSSIBLE to get the damned thing on.

Lucas is still having hearing trouble. The other day I offered to help him hear me by grabbing hold of his ear and gently (I'm serious, I was gentle) guiding him closer to me so he could hear me. He thought this was a big joke and I'm glad he took it as a joke because I was fresh out of ideas to get him to listen to me. He is in this "I can do it myself" stage which is really freaking cute when he wants to buckle himself into the car seat. However when he is opening your fridge and attempting to pour his own milk into his cereal bowl while you are tripping and falling on the floor over the pants you were trying to put on in order to PHYSICALLY stop (I mean "help") him . . . because he suddenly can't seem to hear you telling him to "wait! Stop! Hold on while mommy gets her pants zipped!!! " it isn't so adorable anymore.

Whew that was one hell of a run on sentence there. Sorry.

Here they are doing their naked laps through the house prior to shower time.


Here is Nick hiding under a bed so he doesn't have to shower. It was really fun dragging his naked flailing body out of there by an ankle while he screamed and cried as if I was about to beat him. I really shudder to think about what our neighbors hear through our open windows. Me yelling, kids screaming and crying, then hysterical maniacal toddler laughter followed the sound of a beer opening. . . we are classy people.


Speaking of classy . . .


Mmmm. Daddy is out of town and Mommy needed to have a few seconds of quiet time so this was the solution - whipped cream out of a can for everyone. Hey. No judging. At least it wasn't canned squirt cheese, that is a whole new level of classy.


And now for the good stuff.

Lucas brought me an adorable plant that he made at school for Mom's day. As he got off the bus holding the plant he watched my face to see my reaction to his gift. I of course LIT UP at his beautiful present and he in return was beaming at my excitement. He was so proud of himself for giving me something I so clearly loved. And I do love it. It was one of the best presents I've ever received because it came from such a sweet angel. Lucas is also speaking much better. He will be returning to his Phonics program at his preschool next year which I am happy about.

Nick is putting three words together but is still pretty hard to understand. He is pedaling a tricycle by himself in imitation of his brother on a bicycle. We need to get him a helmet now that he is a cyclist. Nick is exceptionally cuddly and still wants his Momma all the time. And he still steals sips of my coffee when I turn my back which I don't mind because it seems to calm him down instead of hype him up - so I ignore the occasional sips. Today Lucas hurt his head and was crying hard so Nick ran to the freezer, opened it up and brought the Scooby-Doo ice pack I keep in there so that Lucas could feel better. It was so sweet and so thoughtful. I love moments like that because it makes me feel like despite the daily struggles (and there are many) I might be doing something right.

Trip to Klamath

When I lived so close to Mt Shasta in High School, I kind of took the amazing views for granted. On Monday I took a brief trip back to Klamath Falls, Or and realized how beautiful the area really is. I don't ever want to live there again but it was really nice to visit and see all the beauty.

So in the last two weeks I have either been terribly sick, in horrible balled-up-on-the-floor pain, or hopped up on medications. I went on a quick trip to Oregon to be with my Mom for her breast cancer surgery. The good things about the trip were the views, and the ability to spend time with my family. Stella and I drove up from Sacramento and it was the first time in a long time that we have spent time together just the two of us. I really enjoyed seeing her and talking uninterrupted. Plus it was nice to see my parents with my own eyes and know how they were doing, instead of trying to figure it all out over the phone.

Mom's surgery went well and she was up and about the next day even though we kept yelling at her to take it easy and to freakin' sit DOWN. Stella made us all her "famous lettuce wraps" which were really good. My vicadin mysteriously disappeared, and I'm pretty convinced someone stole it out of my purse at one of the airports on my way to Klamath. But Motrin worked well enough so I didn't miss it too badly. But two days out of surgery a little vicadin after a 15 hour travel day would have been nice. I'm just sayin' . I hope the bastard that took it from me sees this and feels guilty. . . highly probable.

The flight back into Albuquerque was a very turbulent one. Winds were high so the plane bounced around quite a bit. I see why they want you to wear seat belts now, because they were literally holding me into the seat. The overhead bins were springing open every now and then which CAN'T be good. Now that people have to pay to check baggage they are cramming everything into the overhead bins in large and heavy bags that would hurt if they fell on a head. And I didn't know this but the sides of the plane can flex in and out which I think was making a lot of people upset. When you see the entire plane contracting and moving it is unnerving. So people were screaming and grabbing onto each other with each large bump. On the small bumps there was a chorus of gasps and lots of clenched white knuckles. I was less excited about the whole thing because . . . really, what was my anxiety going to solve? I kind of figured that if we were going to die then we were going to die. Freaking out about it before hand wouldn't really solve anything. The lady next to me was so annoying with her screaming that I distracted her with conversation - which surprisingly worked!!!

Lesson of the story: I'm a God-damned ROCK in the face of danger. I'm the next Charlie's Angel, people. Nothing rattles me. ;-)

Tickle tickle. . . . .

OH. MY. GOD.

Do you see this? This is impending doom for that coast line. Have you ever walked along a coast looking at all the little teeny, tiny things that live there? The bugs, fungus, algae and fish. It is incredible the density of life in these areas. I sure hope that the brilliant minds that figured out how to drill into the gulf to locate oil are able to figure out how to save all of the little lives that are in the path of the thick nasty crude oil blowing right at them.

"Drill baby, drill"


Photo credit: http://modis.gsfc.nasa.gov/gallery/showall.php

Kristin's View

Welcome to my view of the last 36 hours. I ate some slightly questionable meat for lunch on Friday and by Friday evening I was wishing for sweet death. In my defense the meat smelled fine, looked fine, and tasted fine. It had just been in the fridge for a few days (alright like 4 days) and I relied on my sense of smell to tell me it was bad instead of my common sense. Are you ready for the tour of my bathroom - where I have been living? Here we go . . .

Toilet. (Thank GOD I cleaned this Friday afternoon, totally unaware I'd have my face in it so much)



My view as I laid and sometimes slept on the bathroom floor. Sometimes the cats would curl up next to me, apparently concerned for my welfare. It was from this position that I often wondered if I should just have AJ bring a pillow and blanket to make it slightly more comfortable.



Here is my alternate view of the ceiling.



Oppps. Back to the toilet for another round of violent projectile vomiting. It was in this position that I wondered where all the vomit was coming from? How on earth could I have that much inside my stomach? And then later I cussed out the evolutionary process for creating bile.



I lamented over this awful tile and how I wouldn't live to see it removed and replaced.

I called AJ in for a serious discussion on how he was going to raise the children alone. No joke. I did indeed have this conversation. I wondered how I was ever going to survive this extreme dehydration when I wasn't able to get water down or keep it down. The only thing that made it remotely better was drinking Gookinaid (Vitalyte). That stuff has saved my booty on more than one occasion and once again it came through for me.


I then laid on the floor some more wishing for sleep - or some sort of break from the 20 minute apart episodes of extreme sickness.



Now that I'm mostly better I have an aversion to animal products. I'm hoping to get over this aversion soon. I can't eat beans for the rest of my life. Anyway. Things are better. I'm sitting upright and walking around unassisted. I'm re-hydrating and am less dizzy and lightheaded. My pulse has gone down and I'm conscious for more than 30 minute intervals. And AJ isn't a single parent. Whoo Hooo!

Way Over the Line

People have been posting this on facebook and I think it is really terrible. I can't imagine wanting a U.S. President dead. I realize it might be a joke or some sort of snarky statement but it is inappropriate. Just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean you should wish them death. Extremists aren't just over seas or of a different religion. What ever happened to that old belief of forgiving each other?

DEAR LORD, THIS YEAR YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTOR, PATRICK SWAYZIE. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTRESS, FARAH FAWCETT. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE SINGER, MICHAEL JACKSON. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS BARACK OBAMA. AMEN.

And Then Out of the Blue . . .

Today for a few hours I watched a 4 year old little girl for a friend. It seemed to be going well for the first few minutes after her Mom left. She was sitting on the couch being a sweet little girl. And then out of the blue Lucas walked up to her (his back to me) and this is how it went:

Lucas: Do you have an inside pee pee?

Me: Lucas we aren't talking about that now.

Little girl: Huh?

Lucas: I have an outside pee pee, see? (whips out his penis)

Me: LUCAS NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUT THAT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucas: Why?

I don't know if she saw anything. I was pretty fast to stop him once it clicked that he was in the process of exposing himself to this innocent little blue eyed girl sitting nicely on my couch. I immediately had visions of her Dad knocking on my door wanting to know why his daughter is asking about my son's penis.

So hey. Heads up people, I have a little exhibitionist over here so be warned. I'm working on it. The concept of privacy is still foreign.

But holy crap. HOLY CRAP. My son just whips it out when ever now? I can't take my eyes off him for a minute with any little girls. I didn't anticipate this problem for at least 10 years!!!

Oh Such Madness

My experimental dinner failed. So to cheer myself up I made a blueberry pie. Jillian Michaels would be proud of me, emotionally eating my way to culinary self-esteem. The pie rocked and I felt better about my mad kitchen skillz. When in doubt make pie I say!


Here is Nick watching his new best friend (on TV) Oobi. Yes Oobi is a hand with strange floating eyeballs perched on top. And the producers affix globs of hair here and there to create different characters. If you haven't yet met Oobi you are probably not suffering from the nightmares that I am. He and his cohorts are creepy. And Nick loves him which makes it even more disturbing.


Then Nick saw me taking his picture. And decided that he needed to be the photographer.


Here is the result. A picture capturing the madness in my eyes. These are my eyes!! These are wild woman gone crazy eyes!! Way worse than Oobi eyes. They look as crazy as the runaway brides eyes. Remember her nutty eyes? Well. I wouldn't think much of it but every picture I see of myself lately I have serial killer eyes. I mean really, look at this picture and tell me you'd be comfortable with me sitting next to you on a couch. You can't do it!


Here is beautiful Lucas.


Here he is taking his own picture.


Her majesty.


Nick learned to curl his tongue.


And managed to get a picture of me doing it too.


Oh yeah. And during shower time SOMEONE pooped in the shower. I'm pretty sure it wasn't Lucas because he about came out of his skin when he turned around and saw it. You should have seen the madness in my eyes when I was scrubbing our shower down with bleach afterward. I just thought I'd share a couple pictures of the poop in our shower because you really can't see enough of that now can you?


Good times. That's right Nick. Act like you don't know who did it. I'll be doing the same thing to you when I'm in my nineties and you get to pick up my poop in YOUR shower.