In Between Farts and Burps

These boys are gross.

Nick came over to me, as I sat at the dinning table, and he climbed up on my lap with this odd smile on his face.  I just thought my cuddly wuddly baby boy wanted some Momma time.  Suddenly out of the BLUE my world (and leg) was rocked by an enormous and wet sounding fart that was horribly long and drawn out. 

Y'all.  It was on my leg. 

Nick turns and LAUGHS so hard.  Little bastard did it on purpose. 

It was all I could do not to laugh super hard. . . because Nick was soooo thrilled with his performance that his laughter was contagious. But I maintained and managed a stern face and a warning.

Then.  Then he stiffens up and tries to have an encore.  When he can't muster another one he laughs maniacally all over again.  Ok.  So he totally doesn't take my stern expression seriously.  Crap. Now what?  Is this time-out worthy?

Lucas then comes over and starts burping little burps.  Over and over again.  He tries to blow them in my face.

Y'all.  In my face.

These kids are 2 and 4.  I have not been teaching them this.  Their father has not been teaching them this.  They don't watch any TV shows or movies that would teach them this.  Their friends don't seem to do this. 

It is as if they are genetically wired to take enormous pleasure in bodily functions.

I'm having scary visions of my future: weekly parent teacher conferences and angry phone calls from parents. 

In the mean time I need to work on . . . . a meaner facial expression?