Chaco Culture

This morning we spontaneously decided to drive 3 hours north to Chaco Culture National Historical Park.  Our excuse (as if we need one) was that we were on an official scouting trip for this summer's camping. And as you can see I'm still playing wayyyyy too much with my photo editing software. . . but it is fun.

The only photo in which Nick was willing to participate.

 

It is really remarkable to stand next to these incredibly old structures and to still be able to distinguish details of craftsmanship - after all this time has passed.  This is an awesome place.



Look how straight the side of the wall is!!





This door is literally the same height as Lucas.  He kept darting from room to room and yelling over his shoulder  "Mommy watch your head!  You are like a great big GIANT in here Mommy!"

 

Awesome metate that Lucas decided was not for grinding corn but for lizards to use as a slip and slide when it rained.

Life, life everywhere.  You just have to look.

 

We will most definitely be back - this place is incredible.  I'm hoping my parents will come camping with us so that AJ and I can hike some of the backcountry trails while Grammy and Pop watch the kids.  Because hiking with kids is pure hell at this point.

Water Water Water

More bad water news . . . .just in case the winter blues haven't sufficiently depressed you - I will. 

31 Kids 8 Homes

Tonight I took the boys out front to ride their bikes in the court before it got too dark.  I was standing in a neighbor's driveway visiting with him while we watched our own kids and some other neighbor kids ride their bikes and play.  I like my neighbors, for the most part.  I initially had some concerns about one family, but I have since come to know them better and things are easier.  We all will take turns supervising the kids in the court (or in our backyards) while they play with each other, which is nice.  We all look out for each other's kids and we all are comfortable correcting any negative behavior that we see.   

The kids I referred to in a recent post who were peer pressuring Lucas are at the back of our property and don't live in our court - and I don't have much interaction with them or with their parents. 

Tonight as I stood there visiting with my neighbor (who's wife just had her third child on Monday, a baby girl!) a moving van rolls up into the court followed by three full pickup trucks of furniture.  Cesar (neighbor) and I moved all 7 of the kids on bikes (three of them from other homes) out of the way and onto the sidewalks while everyone parked. 

These were our new neighbors.  Cesar and I watched in disbelief as six - yes six young faces, one by one leaped out of the SUV and immediately joined the existing kids to play while their parents unloaded furniture.  We were now supervising 13 kiddos - and I didn't mind at all - but wow.  SIX.  They are moving into a floor plan that is identical to my floor plan.  I can't imagine. 

So to sum up: 8 homes and 31 kids.  Really we should only count 27 kids because 4 of the kids (in the same house) are older teenagers who don't "play".  So that would be 27 kids in 7 houses aged 11 and younger.  Only 2 kids are 11.  The rest are in the first three years of elementary school or are too young for school. This will be 6 more bicycles.  6 more versions of hide and seek.  27 scooters, names, personalities, and 25 hopeful faces knocking on my door asking me to support their school fundraiser. 

Three nights in a row now I've had adorable little people knocking on my front door asking if my kids can come play.  It is so sweet.  But. . . . . six more of them????

I think that if we get a tax return this year we will put it into raising the cinder block wall between us and the hoards of neighbor kids.  Because as much as I like kids and enjoy supervising them playing with each other - I'm going to need a private backyard where I can hide from them all too.

Fake Food

Today I fed the kids fake food for lunch because I'm tired of sandwiches and am totally exhausted - it's been a long week.  I busted out the box of Mac and Cheese with florescent orange "cheese" and processed, refined sorry excuses for noodles.  To make the "cheese" you add butter and milk.  I added a fake butter too - the "I can't believe" kind.   

 We don't have a lot of prepackaged foods around here.  I do keep some for those days where I need a break. Mostly we try to make things from scratch though.  But I saw a show on Oprah not too long ago about becoming a vegan.  It was very interesting to me - not that I want to become a vegan though.  The show really promoted the idea that people should look at where their food comes from carefully.  People should be aware of the animal products in our food and how those products are processed and packaged and shipped - plus all the resources that go into making your food.  They mentioned this one kind of butter that is a vegan butter but supposedly you can't tell the difference.

 So I purchased the butter(pictured above) - to give it a try.  They were right, I can't tell the difference.  It is lactose free, soy free, gluten free, non GMO, and vegan.

 But then I compared the labels and realized that the healthy stuff had WAY more calories and fat per serving than the fake stuff.  I am confused.  What the hell are you supposed to do now??  No, really, I'm confused.

 The show also talked about having a conscience about the conditions the animals we eat are subjected to.  In other words - don't buy animal products where the animals have been mistreated.  Not mistreated by the FDA standards - but mistreated by common sense standards.  So I purchased fairly inexpensive cage free veggie fed eggs.  Look at the happy hens piling up the cages that they aren't forced to live in.  The package makes me want to support the rebellious hens by purchasing their happy eggs.  Power to the hens!!

 Once I got it home I realized that the eggs were from California.  Oh crap.  I have violated another rule.  I'm supposed to buy local products when available.  The local cage free happy eggs in the store were close to $5 a dozen.  And this is a Texas licensee.  Damn.  I really can't win here.

Ooooh.  A happy cow.  Look at her leaping with joy.  She is apparently from a happy dairy too.  I do buy the organic milk but not for all the right reasons.  We buy it because the shelf life is 3-4 times longer than the non-happy cow milk.  I got tired of throwing out milk.  Now we buy this milk so that I don't end up throwing it out because it wasn't consumed fast enough.

Other Parents

I am so grateful to all the Mom's in my life who give me great advice and keep me focused on the big picture.

Today Lucas was terribly mean to Nick in the back yard as older children on the other side of the fence encouraged him to be mean.  Lucas thought he was making friends and wanted to please them, Nick didn't understand why Lucas was being mean, and Lucas wasn't thinking about Nick's feelings.

I saw it all go down in my backyard as the neighbor kids hung over the fence.  I got the very deliberate, very low, very quiet voice of a super pissed off Momma and instructed Lucas to say goodbye to his "friends" and come inside.  I told him quietly to go to his room and stay there until I came in there.

I promptly called two people who talked me down off the incredulous, angry rant that I was about to go on.  It wouldn't have done me or Lucas any benefit to yell.  Instead I took the advice I was given and had a calm conversation with Lucas about doing what he knows is right.  I told him that he knows what is right and wrong and that he needs to tell people "no" when they want him to do what he knows to be wrong.

I was also advised to lay on the guilt pretty thick - because he is guilt prone and that is what works for this kid. He was happy that he made friends and thought that it was fantastic that he was able to make them laugh.  He was proud of himself.  He had totally overlooked Nick. A guilt trip sounds mean, but he was laughing about what he did and I needed to get him to realize how wrong he was.

The whole episode really broke my heart.  So I did the guilt thing - which was to tell him that he is supposed to protect and defend his little brother from harm.  He wasn't supposed to cause the harm.  I told him that he needed to be a protective big brother and that Nick looked to Lucas for guidance and protection, not for meanness.  It worked.  Lucas suddenly got sad and realized that what he had done was very wrong and apologized to Nick. 

I really need to start talking with Lucas about how to stand up to people who tell him to do things he knows are wrong.  He is so willing to do anything to please people - he doesn't see that he has the ability to tell his peers "no".   He thinks that everyone he meets is nice and has good intentions - and the children today did not have good intentions.  He is still young though, at four amd I don't know how ready he is to absorb that information.  But we will give it a try.

Any additional advice?  I know this won't be the last time I face this issue.

Valentines Day

 Hi Nick!!  He's getting so BIG but is still willing to cuddle with Momma thank goodness.

 Lucas is such a love. Mr. Blue eyes melts my heart.

 I could not get everyone to look at the camera at the same time.  And forget about smiles while looking at the camera.  At least we got a picture though!

I received flowers in the mail from my hubby.  I am so thrilled that he thought to send flowers!!  They are beautiful.  And I totally beefed up the color saturation. . . because it's fun.

Something-burg

I looked at a map of where AJ will be all week.  All the towns out there end in one of the following:  burg, ville, town, boro, don, ton, shire.

Yes, he is in West Virginia.  How did you guess??  BFE - WV.    Out where people park in the middle of the road to talk on the phone - moonshine and multitasking don't mix.  Where teeth are a luxury and first cousin's marry without shame.  It's a mystical, magical place. 

Kidding.  KIDDING.

Hey!!  My bread turned out well.  Maybe next time with some oats mixed in. 

The neighbors got a "dog" the size of a mid-sized guinea pig.  I hope the local Swainson's hawks don't snatch it up.

I need to go bake more bread . . . something to fill the time.

Breaking News

Uhhhh. 

Don't you LOVE it when I start out a post like that? 

Get ready for a blow by blow account of a completely non-eventful day.  I typed this because I'm bored.

I turned on the news and realized that I can't watch the news anymore.  I just can't.  I can't handle discussions about the presidential election.  It scares the gooey crap out of me when I hear some of the names being thrown around as possible candidates. 

I did read an entertaining article from Rolling Stone magazine about the Tea Party.

But even after that I felt a bit nauseous. 

So I quickly clicked over to TMZ to see what new antics Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are up to.  Those two are ridiculous - and yet I just.    can't.     turn.      away. . .

And then I busted out my bread maker to experiment with . . . . wait for it. . . . . waaaaiiitttt. . . . . BREAD.

Then I whipped out the Quinoa to experiment with that.   But how many different ways are there to do quinoa?  Not too many.  Mix in soup or mix with vegetables.  Ummmmmm.  Yeah.  Good, but I'm bored with that too.

I discovered that "quinoa" is not in the blogger dictionary/spell check thingie.

Vacuum out car.  Wrestle kids/dog/cats back into the house. 

And now I'm sitting here typing. . . and wishing AJ were home. 

Aren't you glad you read all that??  Truly fascinating.  I should write a book.

Giggles

I heard giggling and followed the muffled sound until I opened the closet door and found the gigglers.

 They told me that they were tired and wanted to sleep.  They asked me to close the door again because I was ruining their bunk beds with the door open. 

So stinkin' cute.  Let's hope that I remember this cuteness for the next 7 days as I tackle parenting alone while AJ is off at training.

Coke, Valentines, Coughs and Barium

I have a lot to update you all on.  It isn't very interesting though. 

First:  7:45
 Upper GI test for me @ the hospital.  I recently had a physical and we need to determine if I have an ulcer (again) or if it is something else  - and an upper GI is part of this process.  I arrive on time and . . . have forgotten to bring my "orders" from my doc with me.  This takes about 35 minutes to resolve.  I nearly start crying because I feel terrible that I have thrown the whole radiology department's schedule off for the morning.  I hear them calling other patients asking them if they can come in early.  My doc had to FAX a copy to the hospital. 

Fax?  Dear Lord are we living in the 80's??  Fax??  Do people still fax?? Really?  Why don't the doc's send electronic "orders" to the testing facility so that this whole situation is avoided - so that I don't have to feel like an ass when I forget my carbon copy (hello 1982) orders?  What about PDF's?  But a fax?  Uggggh.  Our medical system is sad. SAD.  I'm blaming this on them - not me.  haha.

That test is an interesting one.  Chug fizzy drink to inflate stomach - don't burp.  Hold it in.  Now chug mud-like Barium - don't gag, throw up or burp. Big gulps, don't puke.  REALLY BIG GULPS OF MUD - HURRY.  Turn to the side.  Turn again.  Lay down on table, flip, flip, flop.  Turn. Hold it.  Don't breathe.  Swallow more barium while laying on your side.  Hold it don't breathe.  Flip flip flop.  Swallow, swallow, swallow.  Now flip flip flop to distribute barium in your stomach again - arms up.  Arms down.  Pictures. . . faster pictures.  Keep flipping.  Annnnd done.

Next: 10:00
Valentine's party at Lucas's school.  I debated on taking Nick because he's had this really terrible cough.  It is like the whooping cough or something.  He coughs so hard that he looses his breath and turns red with watery eyes.  Sooooo I took him to the preschool with tons of other kids to infect.  Yaayyyy!  I'm such a good citizen.

I am so tired of slighting Lucas just because Nick is deathly ill with some horribly contagious disease.  Nick needs to buck up.  LOL.  But seriously - I really wanted to be there for Lucas - so we went.  As it turns out every kid in that class coughed just like Nick, so the whooping cough must be going around.  I'm totally kidding about it actually being whooping cough. . . FYI. 

Nick coughed on everyone and everything.  Suddenly his cough got 10 times worse when we arrived at school so I looked like the shitty Mom who hauled her deathbed child out to a preschool.

Back story:  On Wednesday I had blood tests done and I had to take the kids with me to the lab.  I bribed them with donuts (once again I'm the model parent) if they were good and didn't start UFC fighting in the phlebotomy lab while I had a needle in my arm and was unable to smack them (p.s. this is why we need shock collars for kids).  We got the donuts because they were super good kids.  With the donuts came a little packet of valentine cards that were coupons for a free donut.  There were 10 cards and Lucas needed 10 valentines for his class.  You see where I'm going here? 

I'm the fabulous Mom who took the FREE valentines cards from Krispy Kreme and gave them to my 4 year old to give to his classmates because we think that Michele Obama's healthy eating campaign is bullshit.  Crap food and whooping cough for everyone!!!

12:00.
Walmart (home of the whooping cough . . . and herpes).  Need to get a birthday present for a four year old little girl.  B-day party starts in one hour.  Kids are living off of the cake and icing they got at the preschool valentines party.  No lunch yet.

1:00
Peter Piper Pizza Birthday party.  I'd promised the kids pizza, they are starving because - SHOCK- cake doesn't keep them full very long.  I distract the kids with all the germ riddled flashy lights and video games at PP Pizza until the pizza is served. 

2:00
"Lunch" arrives in the form of greasy nasty pizza.  Eat up children.  Lunch is served.  The hostess is serving drinks and brings over two kid sized glasses of. . . . CocaCola.  With fancy straws.  Lucas took a sip and made a terrible face.  Nick took a sip and smiled and drank more.  I would have removed the drinks but the barium mud I drank earlier is not sitting well and I was afraid if I moved I'd cause a nasty barium scene.  So I sat there.  Watching my kids drink soda.  Dear Lord I'm in Mommy hell.

Then they ate ice cream.  And then they ate what looked like cake but it had so much pink princess icing on it I'm not sure.

Then I turned and saw the hostess giving her 9 month old a glass of Coke.  She smiled and said (almost proudly) that he was "addicted".  

We finally left and my kids staggered in a sugar coma to the car.  Thank GOD I had something healthy in the crockpot at home. 

Little Lady Needs to Pick A Color

I am terrible with color.  TERRIBLE.  It has become clear that I need to select different colors for our living/kitchen/dining area - because two of the walls are just too white-ish to have with young active boys.  They are constantly dirty and smudged and I can't keep up.  Plus the paint people LIED BIG FAT LIARS PANTS ON FIRE when they said that eggshell paint is "completely washable". 

Ummmm - hell to the NO. 

Satin and kitchen and bath paints are washable.  That is what I need.  I love love love the color we have on the fire place, but am having a hard time with what to put on the rest of the walls.  Currently we have 2 walls with a VERY pale blue based green.  Very pale.  I like the color a lot.  But it may need to go. 

I want to keep it open and airy with lots of light.  So the problem boils down to this: Get rid of the kids. 

Hahahahaha!  But seriously, I am stuck.  I think I will play with the Valspar color builder thingie online tonight.  But the colors on the computer look nothing like they do on the wall.  Another problem.

Ugggh. 

In other news, the stucco people came to look at the house today.  Let me clarify.  The stucco people and the builder.  Together.  They work together.  And I got the "little lady" treatment from asshole men and was told that there isn't a problem and that they would check back in a month or two and see if things change. 

Funny thing.  My neighbor with the exact same problem didn't get the "little lady" treatment because he is a big imposing man (and he is truly someone who you don't F*$# with.  You wouldn't mess with this dude if you had a baseball bat & machette and he was unarmed.  He is a bad ass - and the nicest man on earth too.  But I'd never cross him.)  And surprise - they are going to fix his house.  Because he's a Marine and he is a bad ass.  I'm a stay at home mom.

So I spent some time crying.  I am really sad.  I feel like I screwed up.  I should have been more forceful and insistent that they see the problem, recognize it and fix it.  But instead I was talked down to by two men who knew more terminology than I do.  Good times. 

Of course AJ is gone.

Of course he is. 

Amen

Just something I'd throw out there. . . because I thought it was an awesome article. 

More Animals

After the aquarium we went to the car and got our lunches, then went to the tables in front of the aquarium and had a picnic type lunch.  Nick apparently didn't realize that after lunch we were headed home.

We pitched our trash into the garbage and headed for the big gates that opened into the parking lot.  We got to the gates and Nick stopped walking.  I turned and encouraged him to catch up.  He stiffens up and bursts into tears.

"More animals.  MORE ANIMALS. Zooo.  More animals." 

I told him we were going home and that we'd come see more animals soon. 

He drops to the ground and screams this blood curdling scream that turned into the ragged raspy screams of a very intense protest. 

Then he starts screaming "Nooooo!  Noooo!"  as I pick him up and attempt to carry him to the car.  But he is strong.  So he flails so much that I had to put him down.  Which meant I had to drag him with one arm through the parking lot while he screamed "NOOOOO!  NOOOOO!" 

I happened to turn around and saw that I had an audience.  A pair of security guards were watching me.  I figured that they'd seen this scene before.  Hopefully.

Once we got to the car I couldn't let go of Nick because he was actively attempting to bolt across the parking lot and back to the animals.  So I then had to try to shove him in the door of the car while all his limbs were thrown wide so that I couldn't get him into the door. 

Once I finally, finally, got him in the door I then had to get him into the seat. 

At this point Lucas had enough of all the screaming and he burst into tears and started screaming at me to "STOP IT.  STOP IT!!!" 

I expected to be arrested by the fake cops with ill-fitting uniforms at any moment. 

As I struggled with all my might to bend Nick's stiffened body into his car seat I started to laugh at the absurdity of my situation.  And then I couldn't stop laughing. 

It occurred to me suddenly that I had to pee really badly. 

So there I was.  Laughing out loud uncontrollably, doing the pee pee dance while attempting to quiet Lucas, and force Nick into his seat.

Aquarium Day

 We were able to pet the manta rays which was really cool!  These were the best pictures I could get. . . a little blurry but I couldn't use the flash without getting too much glare.

Watching AJ Bake

I'm watching AJ bake and it is driving me NUTS.

He uses every. single. measuring. device. and won't reuse.

He uses every. single. bowl. available.

He doesn't put ingredients away when he's done.

He forgets to heat the oven until it is nearly too late. . . .

And yet he almost always turns out a good product. . . and a very messy kitchen.

I do kitchen cleanup because watching him do dishes drives me nuts too.

I think I may have some control issues. . .

Ohhhhh.  He just dumped the batter into the wrong sized pan lined with parchment paper.  More dishes. Wasted parchment paper.  Ughhhh.  I really need to not be home while he is baking.  I really need to come home to the yummy result and not try to control the process.

Twine

My friend Amy McCollum taught me how to make this (above) refrigerator magnet photo holder quite a while ago.  A wallet sized photo of your kids/family/pet will go in the green square.  I decided to make my own and give some to family members.  It is not too easy for Kristin to get creative.  It took me 4.5 hours of non-stop inspired creativity to produce 4 of these bad boys.  FOUR.  HOURS.

I'm all about the twine.  The more twine and roughed up edges the better for me.  Anyone with me on this??  Anyone a twine lover??  Well here ya go. . . some more twine:

You.
Are.
Welcome.
Twine lovers.

Curses!!!

Dark clouds.  White shit on the ground still.  AHHHHHH. 

I'm goin' batshit crazy here. 

SUN.  I need sun. 

Phase One: Complete

I purchased child sized snow shovels today. 

I dressed the children in their snow clothes.

I showed them how the shovels work.

They shoveled snow off the driveway, sidewalks, back patio, and walkways up to our doors.

Next up: Phase Two - Learning how to use the dog pooper scooper.

Cold

It is supposed to be NEGATIVE 11 degrees tonight.  With the windchill it should feel like -22 degrees.  Although I'm suspicious of windchill numbers. . .

It is 10pm and it is -9.7 degrees out.  Will it go lower than -11?  Possibly.

I checked Fairbanks' forecast for tonight.  YES, Fairbanks AK.  Their low tonight is supposed to be between 0 and 10 degrees.  No negative numbers.  Not that they haven't already had their fair share of negatives this year. . . but still.

WE ARE COLDER THAN ALASKA. 

Just let that sink in. 

My poor plants. . . . . they are my little outdoor babies and I hope they survive this.

This just goes to show that AJ needs to get a job in Hawaii pronto. 

Magic Cat Ass Cleaner

Today we baked brownies. Although, I did not attempt the recipe I mentioned in my last post. It was too complicated for me to try with two little boys helping. So we made my go-to brownie recipe which I'm still struggling with at this elevation. It turned out well - but once again it fell and was under done in the middle . . . ok, so maybe it didn't turn out well - it failed. Damn this elevation. Next time I WILL do the altitude adjustments - I will!!

While we were prepping the brownie batter, Maya our kitty cat, jumped up on the island counter and sat with her back to us. I glanced at her and noticed she looked dejected, and a little miffed about something. It looked like she wanted attention, but wasn't getting any. Her head hung low and she glanced at me over her shoulder.

I was up to my wrists in melted chocolate and butter and battling to keep the boys from tossing flour all over everything while flouring the pan. Someone smelled like poo. The boys denied pooping their pants. The smell wouldn't go away.

It was time to add the eggs. Nick cracked an egg and then tossed the shell into the batter with the egg. I picked out shells. He felt bad and nearly cried because he thought he messed the whole thing up. I told him he was fine and the batter was fine and that we would practice our egg cracking skills more.

Still poo smell - stronger than the melted chocolate. Where is it coming from?

I smelled the boys. They were clean.

Then I turned. I saw Maya.

Sitting on my counter.

OH GOD. I smelled her as she sat there still dejected looking.

OH GOD. I lifted her up and saw a brown smeared mess under her bottom - and on my counter.

OHHHH GOD.

Now it was on my shirt as I carried her to the bathroom. I stood there holding her, not sure what I was going to do. What do I do? I looked around helplessly, trying to think of a way to get her clean without giving the cat a dreaded bath.

I had images of her long dagger like nails running through my head. I kept turning in circles and looking around scanning the area for a magic cat ass cleaning tool.

SHIT why didn't I clip her nails yesterday like I'd planned?? Why don't they make cat ass cleaners?

The boys came into the bathroom with me and we closed the door. I sat on the rim of the bathtub and prepared the kids for what was likely going to go down in that bathroom. I felt they should know that things were going to get ugly-er.

"Boys. Maya had diarrhea. She isn't feeling well and she has poop all over her tail and legs and bottom. We need to wash her. Kitties don't like water and so Maya is going to fight me and scratch me and try to get away. YOU ARE NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR. I need to get the poop off of her. You both are to stand there and watch, do not help me because I don't want you to get scratched. Are we good? Do you understand?"

They nodded with their eyes wide as they stared at Maya.

I flipped on the water and waited for it to get warm. Maya tucked her tail between her legs and waited patiently in my lap. I was surprised she didn't try to get away with the water running so close.

It was warm and ready to go. I realized I didn't think to grab pet shampoo on my way in. And I didn't have a wash rag. I'd have to use my hand. Yayy! I found the magic cat ass cleaner! It was attached to me the whole time. Good times.

I stuck her under the warm running tap and waited for her to realize she was getting wet. She didn't move. She waited as I washed her bottom and rinsed. Wow. My magic cat ass cleaner wasn't bleeding anywhere! This day was getting better!

Then I dried her off and she never once tried to scratch me or get away. She seemed relieved that she wasn't covered in crap anymore. No wonder she looked sad on the counter. She wanted someone to clean her and was hoping I'd notice her. To achieve this she smeared poop on my counter top. Smart girl.

Have you ever tried to take a tight t-shirt off of your head that is covered in liquid cat poop?

It was really hard.

Lucas is sick I think.  It might - might - have been a huge mistake to let him play outside in the cold for so long.

I Did It!

I quit the facebook.

Finally!! It feels sooo good.

We will see how I feel about it tomorrow. I suspect there will be withdrawal symptoms, possible twitching, hair pulling and potential anal leakage.

Ok, ok. I agree, that was way over the line. 

Anyway, that is where the two bottles of wine come into the picture.

Although. . . . I'm not sure that I thought this through all the way because tomorrow I'm going to be locked in the house with the kids due to the bad weather.

I think we will watch some movies and bake brownies. Chocolate and two bottles of wine solves everything right?

AND a facebook friend from high school (*gasp I quit facebook what have I done??* first panic attack) gave me a reportedly fantastic brownie recipe which includes a super secret butter and chocolate technique that will make people want to kill me for my recipe. Allegedly.

He is a big foodie who manages enormous culinary endeavors like feeding all the people at the G8 summit and at universities and hotels. . . . so I gather that this recipe is indeed as good as he claims.

I hope I'm able to pull it all off.

Lucas spent almost an hour and a half outside in 14 degree weather - not including the winds (-10 degree windchill).  He kept telling me that he was fine and didn't feel cold. I watched him through the window as he spent his time on his hands and knees playing in the snow and dirt.  He had a blast. 

When he came in I took his gloves off and felt his hands and he was warmer than I was.  Even his ears were warm.  I'm glad that he has snow pants and gloves that are waterproof so that he can enjoy the outdoors even when it is this cold.  I think he'd be fine out there if it were a lot colder too - the kid was really warm!

Nick on the other hand seems to be a warm weather kid.  He doesn't have any body fat and doesn't tolerate cool temps well at all.  He was outside dressed as the state puff marshmallow man for about 15 minutes and decided that he'd seen all there was to see.  He and the dog played inside while Lucas stayed outside.

Fee Fi Fo Fum

Lucas started trying to recite the Fee Fi Fo Fum poem.  I assumed he learned it at school, and I didn't remember the poem except for the first line.  So I googled it (as I do everything, I have a real problem) and this is how the poem goes:

Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum!
I smell the blood of an Englishman.
Be he 'live, or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

I without thinking read this to my four year old.  And THEN I comprehended it. 

What the hell is up with these nursery rhymes???? 

The other night Lucas picked up a book with the story Hansel and Gretel in it.  That is the story he wanted to read.  I - again - have forgotten how the story goes.  Something about bread crumbs in the forest. 

So we read it. 

THE MOTHER abandons her young children in the forest.  Not once.  But twice. 

This was supposed to be a soothing bedtime story.  In fact, that was the title of the book.  BEDTIME STORIES. 

Really? 

"Here children, let's all cuddle on the couch and read this nice warm fuzzy story about a witch that keeps Hansel in a cage so she can fatten him up and EAT him. And don't you ever push anyone into a furnace and burn them to death like Gretel did - she was working under extreme conditions. . . Good night.  Sleep tight. Mommy loves you and would never leave you in the forest to starve to death."