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Drama and then Nice Pictures

 It seems that Lucas has developed a motor tic.  It is a sudden and uncontrolled movement that is noticeable. He shakes his head and shoulders as if to shudder.  And he does this pretty frequently. Sometimes 5+ times a minute.  Mostly though he does it every few minutes.  He can't seem to stop.  Along with this tic is a cough.  The doctor put him on antibiotics to see if we can clear up the cough.  He is almost done with the antibiotics and the cough is more frequent than ever (7-10 times a minute sometimes).  The moment he goes to sleep the cough goes away. 

From what I understand motor tics can be accompanied with vocal tics - which is what I suspect the cough is - a vocal tic.  It is hard to get people to understand that he isn't sick and isn't coughing his germs everywhere, but that it is a vocal tic.  He had to stay home from school today because of the cough.  I don't know when he will go back because tics don't normally go away for a year or more.  I suppose I need to get a note from the doctor.  There isn't really a way to test for this.

I have read that this can affect up to 25% of boys in their lifetimes and that they most often will outgrow them. 

And I can't stop crying about it.  I am so nervous about what these tics will mean for him socially.  So very nervous for my baby.  I can only hope for the best, and hope that people are kind.  But I know and YOU know that kids and adults can be very cutting.

Ok.  Enough with the drama.  It will be fine.  This will pass and I will look back and think "wow I really got worked up over nothing." 


Lucas really wanted to do dishes!!  And who am I to stand in the way of ambition?



He did a really good job.  He used soap and scrubbed and rinsed.  I was so happy!!!



Nick saw all the praise being heaped on Lucas and needed a piece of the action.

 

Anyone want to come clean my kitchen counters off? 



Lucas needs lots of chapstick for his chapped lips.



Apparently, Nick likes peanut butter.



A Lot.



  

Can't. Sit. Still. Must. Jump.



Ready for swim lessons!



Awww Come On Lady!

Standing in line to check out.  The lady in front of me had a handful of items.  (Just so you know - she was not an elderly woman.)

She wanted to use up a prepaid card while paying.  Then she couldn't decide on how to pay for the rest of the bill. 

Then she instructed the checker to remove three items - hoping they would total the amount on her prepaid card. 

Then she paid for the rest of her things with a bank card. Wait.  Entered the wrong pin.  Gotta try again. 

Ohhhh.  She needed to SIGN for it not enter a pin number.

Then she tried to pay for the three items with her prepaid card but the sum was $8 not the $7 she had on the card. (I noticed a wad of cash in her wallet).

Hmmmm. 

What to do?

What to do?

Now she has misplaced the prepaid card. 

Searching, searching.  Searching some more.

Not in that pocket.  Not in that one either.  Not in that slot in the wallet. . .

Boys start to try to dismantle shopping cart. 

Child behind us in line tries to tear down a playing card display.

Found the prepaid card.  Not sure what to do about the extra dollar. 

Big Sigh *SIGH*  escapes from me as I am becoming really agitated.  "AWWW Come ON lady. . ." 

OH wow.  That just came out of my mouth. 

People behind me laughing but trying to hide behind each other so they won't be seen laughing.

She finally paid with the prepaid card.

Then paid for the remaining item with cash. 

Three separate transactions. 

I practically rammed her with my cart to get her slow ass out of the way when she wouldn't move after completing the third transaction.  GOD GET OUT OF THE WAY.

Our Tree

Kidding.  It is a cholla skeleton that we were close to making our Christmas tree, but after we got the lights on it we decided it just wasn't right.  Not this year anyway.  Maybe if we turn it upside down?  Nahhh.  Still didn't work.  It would be better in a smaller room.

So tomorrow we will put up the normal tree.

Grrrr, Decorations

Well Hello.  I was just sniffing the shiny stuff.  No worries, I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Ohhh.  You are up on the ladder?  Crap.  So you saw me attacking the shiny stuff?  No, No, the shiny stuff has always been on my back and no it doesn't mean I destroyed some of the decorations.  FYI I may have dragged some under the bed  . . . .

Alright.  I just can't help myself.  It is all wiggly and flashy.  How can you expect me to contain myself?

Cutie Wooties!!!

Slumber party on Mom and Dad's bedroom floor!! The pictures are not so good because I'm not a night photographer in any capacity. But you can still see the ENORMOUS amount of cuteness goin' on over here!!! It is hard to not start cuddling with them cause they are just so freakin' adorable. I will refrain from waking them because I am well aware of the severely unpleasant consequences.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!!

So Pretty

I can only crochet flat things.  Anything involving skill is just not for me.  However, I saw this afghan and fell in love.  It makes me want to get good enough so that I can make this.  Yes, it is still flat, but with all the color changes and the complex pattern it would be pretty challenging for me.  Better get practicing.




http://www.anniesattic.com/detail.html?prod_id=21741

No More Locker Room Ever

Today was day TWO of the second session of swim lessons. 

Today was the second day I attempted to get both children dressed in warm clothes in the locker room after swimming.

Today was the LAST day I will attempt this.

It was 38 degrees outside (counting the wind chill) when we left swimming and walked to the car.

Next time we will do this while wet.

I don't care.

I just can't handle Lucas loudly asking about other peoples boobs while they change clothes. 

MY GOD. 

And Nick.  That kid loves to hear his echo, especially when he's screaming.

**************************************************

Today Lucas said: Mom you yell a lot.

I feel terrible.  I need to stop yelling.  But how?  How do you not yell when you catch your two year old climbing up to the top shelf in his closet because there MIGHT be a belt for him to wear way up there.  He was 3/4 of the way up!

Instead of eating their apple sauce like normal people the took the straws out of their milk and tried to suck the apple sauce up the straws.  When it got clogged they blew into the straw and there was apple sauce everywhere.

Two bites into the super yummy turkey sandwich they they insisted on having because they were starving - they are now full.  Too full to eat 1/4 of a sandwich. 

I didn't jump fast or high enough for Lucas so he starts YELLING AT ME to hurry up and get him his water.  Oh - and it had to have ice in it.  MOM NOW.  MOM, I ASKED FOR ICE WATER. MOM LISTEN TO ME.  MOM YOU SHOULD REALLY LISTEN BETTER.

Nick laid on the carpet, with his shoes on, and kicked the shit out of my door to the garage.  For NO reason.  I was collecting my purse and he was apparently impatient.

Lucas decided that he wanted to read his new library book - but when I finished reading the first PAGE he popped his ass into the air and farted in my face.  RIGHT next to me on the couch!!

Nick decided to finger paint on my table with his milk.  Just because . . . it was fun??

Lucas decided to take one of his toys and beat the living crap out of one of my wood tables.  His toy is made of metal.  WHY?  Because he wanted to see how hard the table was. 

Nick climbed on top of the dog crate which is now housing our new kitty.

Lucas got pissed at Nick and shoved him into a door frame - denting Nick's head.

THIS IS ALL SHIT THAT HAPPENED TODAY.  And it is an incomplete list. A VERY incomplete list.

HOW DO YOU NOT YELL??? 

Every day there is a whole entire list of new shit to yell about.

Ya'll I know I joke frequently about drinking.  And it is a joke.  I really don't drink often.  Maybe a beer every other week.  I'll be honest.  I purchased a case of beer and my first bottle of wine this week.  While I don't intend on getting plowed I do intend on self medicating until AJ gets home friday.

The thing is - I think I'm pretty consistent and I make them say please and thank you.  I make them clean up their own messes.  I make them be respectful and nice.  But the minute I turn my back to make that sandwich they wanted - BOOM applesauce everywhere.  Or the minute I gather my purse/phone/keys so we can leave - my door gets kicked.  Where is this behavior coming from?  I don't allow it - I come down on them every time - and yet they keep beating me down. 

I love them, they are really great kids . . . but this phase of testing me has got to stop soon.  And sticking a little 4 year old asshole into a Momma's face and pushing a fart out is SOOOOOOO not cool.  He was sent to his room without reading a book after that episode.  He was crying.  And I bet you tomorrow he will try to do it again.

A Better Look

Here is Maya.  She is still being integrated into the family.  She has already demonstrated that she is incredibly social with people and dogs.  Loud noises and fast movemets don't phase her (including the vacuum!).  She is 2.5 years old and is very smart - the first night we had her she tried opening the door knob of the room where I had her isolated.  She was NOT happy that she was in the room and was jumping up on the door knob.  Maya also has a very strong prey drive.  She and Olivia are both freezing, eye stalking each other, slinking low across the floor and then chasing each other - in a playful way.  I've never seen a cat play with a dog like this before.  I think Maya might think she's a dog.

Now we just need to get Haylee to not be so pissed off about her presence and all will be well.  It will take more time but I'm hoping for success.

AJ's Gone So What Do I Do?

I adopt a cat. What the hell is wrong with me?

Haylee is super pissed off.

Olivia is confused.

The cat is very dominant. It took after Haylee and made her scream like a yelping dog. No one was injured but I hope they all learn to get along. That MIGHT be why I am it's third or fourth home in 2 years. So if this doesn't work out I will be looking to give a cat away to a single cat household. I'll keep you posted.

You don't need to say it. I am fully aware that I'm an idiot.

The rest of my day went like this:

"Lucas stop hitting Nick!!"

"Nick get don't sit on your brother's face!"

"DO NOT fart on Mommy again, it is rude!"

And then Nick pitched a MASSIVE fit in the locker room at the swimming pool after lessons. I still don't know why. All I know is that he wouldn't stop screaming and all the moms in there who I WOULD EXPECT to be sympathetic and understanding were instead sending me looks like: "stop that kid from screaming in this concrete echo-y locker room you horrible momma!"

I dressed everyone as fast as possible - trust me. As I was dressing, Nick was so enraged (again, don't know what his damn problem was) that he ripped the shower curtain off of the dressing area I was in.

Yes.

He ripped it off completely. I was free boobing it with my bra in my teeth as I was pulling my pants up when he ripped the curtain down. There I stood, boobs hangin' out while everyone in the locker room stopped and stared at the raging two year old's mommy who stood there half naked with her bra in her teeth while her two year old screamed under the fallen shower curtain.

That felt really good.

Lucas in the mean time was standing on a concrete bench and watching everyone else get dressed. He looked like a little pervert.
If there was ever a time that I fought to keep my cool, this was it. This was the moment that I nearly became a maniac. I somehow held on and apologized to the FULL AND NOW SILENT LOCKER ROOM of people as I quickly left.

No one made eye contact.

It was truly horrible. Horrible.

I go back for more lessons on Wednesday. That shouldn't be awkward at all.

Wow.

AJ's home today.  YAYYYY!  He will be gone nearly every week (except for Thanksgiving) between now and Christmas so I'm soaking up the AJ time.  Anywhoooo - I thought Nick would be alright if I left him with AJ while I walked out to our driveway to get Lucas off his preschool bus.  However Nick is used to the routine and ran out to the driveway crying hysterically "You left me Mommy.  You left me." 

Guilt.  Ugggg.  So sorry little man. 

He won't stop screaming even after I picked him up and held him as I helped Lucas step off the bus. 

Suddenly Lucas erupts into hysterics.  WTF?  Two of them screaming?  Where the hell is my husband?  Why isn't he hearing this and running to my rescue?  No for real.  Where were you AJ?

I can't get Lucas to vocalize the problem, he is in the throws of the ugly faced silent cry.  Poor guy.  I asked the bus driver if he'd left his hat on board and she checked, but didn't find the hat. 

So I had to drag a resistant and hysterical Lucas onto the curb while Nick continued to scream about me leaving him.  I had to tell the bus driver that his Daddy was in the house so she didn't think I abandoned Nick alone inside.  And then she wouldn't leave.  She watched as I tried to comfort two big boys who were now feeding off each other's emotions and screaming louder and forcefully. 

Jesus.  I waved to the bus driver to just leave already.  I can't hear what Lucas is trying to tell me over the rumble of the enormous bus.  She drives away.  (I actually really like Robin, and appreciate her concern for my kiddo, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong if I couldn't hear Lucas)

Finally my hubby wanders outside with his hands in his pockets to come see what all the screaming was about.  In the mean time I'm wrestling to set Nick down on the sidewalk so I can talk to Lucas, but Nick is refusing to be set down and clings to me like a big ol' monkey because I might up and leave his little ass again. 

Lucas finally says what went wrong:  He had been holding and saving a huge booger for me to see.  Yes that is right.  A big dried up piece of snot.  As he stepped off the bus it fell from his hands onto the asphalt and he was upset that it was lost. 

The booger was gone.  We looked for it. 

I calmed him down by telling him that he was going to make more boogers and he could show me those. So he went inside and declared that he was going to start making more boogers right now and they would be ready soon.

My Attempt At Holiday Decor

In other domestic goddess news:  I had the pleasure of trying to get twenty little fingers into twenty individual slots in little people gloves. I also had a frustrated two year old who got impatient during the process - and acted as if it was MOMMY'S FAULT that his fingers kept going into the wrong finger hole.  Instead of getting frustrated I thought it was all very funny because their hands are still so little and they are both so stinkin' cute.  We adults take it for granted that we can operate our hands well enough to negotiate a glove, but little people can't seem to get it straight which is adorable.

MITTENS! Yes, that would be the solution however both boys informed me that mittens aren't good because they can't pick things up as well and can't use their fingers as well.  So we have fingered gloves now. 

I've also decided to make and freeze three varieties of cookie dough for quick cookie baking.  I always seem to be taken off guard around the holidays and need home made things to bring/give/serve and so I'm going to see if this will help.  AND (OMG - all this domestic wonderfulness is going to make you puke but stay with me - I'm bragging because it is so unusual for me to be this awesome) I'm making the beds everyday.  Yes.  I know. 

First the fabric softener, then the light fixture remake and now - frozen cookie dough and tidy beds.  I'm on a real streak here!!  Pretty soon I may even get really wild and actually remove the tags from my children's winter jackets before sending them out in public.  It happened again.  Lucas went to school today with tags dangling.  As he was walking into the room I saw them and ripped them off real quick because - I'm that awesome.

Weather Momma Not So Happy

Tomorrow Day:   high of 51 degrees.

Tomorrow Night:  low of 21 degrees.

21 degrees. 

Fahrenheit.

WHAT
THE
HELL???

 
(To further document the decline of my brain, I had to spell check Fahrenheit.  I didn't even come close.)

What's Goin' On

Last week:  Swim Lessons ended.  As a celebration the pool people turned on the water works for the kids to play in.

Lucas trying to get under the buckets that randomly dump water.

Lucas was trying to figure out how it all worked.

Nick waited to get water dumped on him too.



Someone felt that the fort was built for her and used it as her own personal hammock

 This weekend:  Fun times at the Natural History Museum.


Looking at "earth" located in the top left on the black circle.  Pretty cool.



My little Lucas in front of T. Rex.  He was SO excited.



Nick carried his own stool around so that he could access everything he wanted WHEN he wanted.

We've been busy, busy, busy and AJ will be gone quite a bit until Christmas.  I've made my first attempt at actually decorating for a Holiday (Turkey day) by purchasing seasonal decorations and throwing them around the house in the hopes that it looks somewhat good.  I just don't have the touch.  I will keep trying to tackle all things domestic but really - it is hard to care about plastic leaves, colorful gourds and scented pinecones.  I'm making the effort this year because we have people coming for Thanksgiving and I thought I'd at least try. . . .

On a related subject I am really interested - no fascinated - with people who are able to keep their homes clean, their hair clean and styled, and kids happy with planned nightly dinners.  Did women really successfully do this back in the day??  If so HOW?  Did people really live like the Cleaver's? It is interesting to me because I just can't wrap my brain around how women managed.  AND they didn't have so many of the conveniences that we do today, like dishwashers, microwaves etc.  How How How?  (Welcome to the slow but steady decline of my intellect.)

Just Roll With It

A friend of mine who has a two year old, had a bad day yesterday.  Just like I had a bad day.  So last night we ended up fleeing our homes with wild looks in our eyes and meeting at Applebee's for a huge glass of sangria.  I had the apple and she had the peach.  YUM.  I am so thankful I have met women in my neighborhood who have children the same age as mine.  We had a good laugh about how she busted out her cooking wine yesterday because she was so desperate.  I can totally relate to that. 

We also decided that you know you are having a bad day when bystanders need to help you with your children. In her case firefighters yesterday had to help.  For me, I knew things were at a low point when I was the recipient of open staring and people had to help me collect my yarn that fell on the ground. Strangers sent sympathetic looks my way, but also watched carefully to see what I was doing right or wrong.  It was a moment where you must smile and try to comfort your child calmly while you scream silently inside your head.

It was so nice to get a break for an hour.  And I'm so glad that when AJ got home he recognized the look on my face and immediately ordered me to leave.  I'm so happy that he is understanding and sympathetic.

Today I made popcorn for a snack and things have improved.  I just have to remind myself that he's two.  Two is hard on him and it's hard on me.  Two means that when he is upset he doesn't want to be held, and doesn't want to be left alone either.  He wants the raisins, but also the cheese and won't make a decision.  Two means that he will change his mind immediately after a decision and then become furious when you don't accommodate his every whim. Two means that he thinks faster than he can talk and becomes frustrated to the point of tantrums when you don't understand what he wants.  Two means that we all learn to have a bit more patience.

It's Hard Being Two

And it's also hard to live with someone who is two.

Today Blows

First thing out of bed and I dumped a bottle of motrin on the ground.  Pills everywhere and the dog thought she needed to help me clean them up.  Then spilled coffee.  Then a diaper that would make a sanitation worker pass out.  Then a glass of milk hit the carpet.
I mistakenly thought Nick was feeling better so I loaded everyone up at 8:00 and headed out to try to make a dent in my chore list.

First up: Post Office where I had forgotten to pay the yearly rental fee for the PO Box and was locked out of the box. We got that cleared up (THANK GOD) and headed down the hall to collect the mail from the box. The boys took turns for about 3 minutes opening and closing the box and looking through it into the mail room. Then they started loudly fighting over who would hold the mailbox key.

Second Stop: McDonald's play area. I got a coffee and the boys played in the play area. A full on melt down happened when Nick became disoriented and couldn't find his way out. Oh. Did I mention that McDonald's was holding a training session in the room (probably because of the space and table availability) and it had been quiet until the hysterical screaming began. I got to shove and grunt my way into and through a catacomb of tubes and I also got lost.  Nick refused to accept help from Lucas so when I finally got to him he was beyond my reach in a netted area that I was sure wouldn't hold my weight. On the way down the slide we all got the pleasure of listening to it creak and moan from the weight of all three of us coming down. The training session was being held in Spanish so there was lots of conversation and laughter occurring that I was convinced was about me and the creaking slide. As we left Nick screamed with all his might that he wanted to play. Then he dropped to the floor just to make sure the entire room knew he was leaving under duress.

Third Stop: Pet store for dog food. Screaming fit in parking lot because he wanted to ride in the red shopping cart and not the blue shopping cart. The red cart was for another store. Then we didn't get over to the fish section fast enough for the little dictator so the entire store heard about how we needed to go see the fish NOW. NOW. FISH MOMMY OVER THERE NOW. I was tempted to stick him in one of the parrot cages and walk away. But I maintained. Somehow.

Fourth Stop: Craft Store. We had recently been to this store with a friend and the minute we walked in Nick started crying and screaming our friend's name because he wanted to find her. I grabbed what I needed in the back corner of the store and made my way through the Christmas section from hell (boxes and crap everywhere as the employees were setting up displays) which took forever as tears streamed down his cheeks and boogers came out in massive disgusting bubbles. Of course the line was long. Of course there were two people standing there so that only one register could operate. Of course my coupon was not valid. Of course their debit machine processed at an archaically slow speed. Of course Nick screams because I didn't carry him from the curb to the car.

The day just keeps getting better. Screaming because he wants a snack but now won't take a bite of the snack. Kicking his brother because Lucas dared to sit next to me.

Lucas keeps coming up to my ears and LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAL-ing directly into them. He won't stop with the noise. Noise everywhere. All the time noise.

I hate days where I can't do a damn thing right. I know he doesn't feel well, but I want to run away right now, and I just have to hold on until AJ comes home. Hopefully he will get home on time so that I can get the hell out of here ASAP.

One last thing. I HATE Yo Gabba Gabba (a children's show). Those psycho paths who write and produce this show are secretly aiding my children in eroding my sanity. That dude with big square glasses needs to be taken down. And somebody tell him to shave those scary side burns. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Housebound

Still semi-trapped in the house due to illness.  Today we ventured out to the heavenly icon of Walmart for some essentials: vapor rub, food, play dough and kid DVD's.  I love that Walmart exists for times like these - when you just can't get to more than one store that day - Walmart has you covered.

Lucas is feeling better and nearly went to school this morning until he launched into a coughing fit that sounded horrible.  Nick is having a difficult day and is sickly.

I am nearly crazy but the Halloween candy is helping soothe some of my housebound nerves. 

Good news:  I hated my light fixture that hung above the kitchen table.  HATED.  It was gold and flashy.  Nice polished shiny gold.  I felt like I was in Vegas.  So after 1.5 years of hating it I decided I really didn't want to spend money on a new one but I would spend money on spray paint. 

Better right?  Well I don't have the before picture but you can imagine shiny gold.  Horrible right?  This is better.  And it only cost $12 (primer and color spray paints).

Oh hey! Good news everyone. I AM NOT going to have another child. We had a bit of a scare (AJ had a look of terror on his face that I will never forget) for the last two weeks. And I could have taken a test and put my mind at ease, but instead I chose to deal with it like a 16 year old girl. I tried to pretend it wasn't happening and if I denied it hard enough the whole situation would just go away like magic. It was the rational and mature thing to do. I figured with our luck we would get a raging embryo that digs into my uterus, flips my IUD the bird and screams "I'm not going anywhere, so get this enormous T shaped thing outta my way suckas!!". Whew. . . . I really need to call that urologist asap. 

That's about all for now.  Hope everyone is doing good.

Sickos

They have colds. I have them parked in front of the TV today because they are miserable. Lucas is in the cough up nasty slime off of Nickelodeon phase. Nick is in the irritable without a productive cough phase.

Robitussin cough saved our booties last night with Lucas. THANK GOD Lucas is old enough to take a cough suppressant at night so that he can get some valuable sleep! I wish Nick were able to take some, but unfortunately he will be up with a raging dry cough all night long. And if history repeats itself, he and I will end up in tears because there won't be much I can do for him and he will be so tired and sore from coughing. Humidifiers? HA! Vicks Vapor Rub? HA! Saline drops? HAHA! Propped up sleeping? Shit. . . it's all ridiculous.

RIDICULOUS!!! I want drugs. I want to benefit from the modern age of blessed pharmaceuticals.

Yayyyyyyy for the FDA. Bastards. I'm still bitter about them yanking the cough suppressants off the shelf for little kids. Yes, yes, I am fully aware of the "reasoning" behind that decision.  Stay up for a couple nights with a crying child who can't stop coughing and is exhausted, you too will want a cough suppressant for your kid no matter what the dumb asses at the FDA say. I would bet that in ten to fifteen years they will come out with "new" information that says "ooops, guess what? we were kinda wrong about that. no, we won't apologize in writing specifically to Kristin because we are arrogant assholes."

Did I already childishly insult them? Oh well, I'll do it again: useless bastards.

Halloween Videos

Halloween 2010 from Kristin Johnson on Vimeo.




I Want More Candy 10-31-2010 from Kristin Johnson on Vimeo.

Happy Halloween!!!