Wait. . . .

There are Moose up there????  Why didn't I already assume/know this???  Moose? 

Ya'll when I get up there you need to stay tuned because I have been urbanized and this shit will be funny.

Nine New Ones

Lucas making his famous Terra Cotta Rust color that he loves.

 

Nick was happy to watch Lucas after about 5 minutes

 

Classic Nick

 

Classic Lucas



Annnnd We Changed Our Minds. . . . Again

We are moving to Montana - to Glacier National Park.

And I am freaking out. 

Like drink-a-beer-at-3o'clock-freaking-out.

I'm happy, but scared.

Lots and lots of uncertainty with selling this house. 

And moving with two little kids again.

But how amazing will it be to live up there?? 

Pretty darn amazing.

Sunshine

EAT!!!!

I am stuck in the house trying to convince/demand/threaten the children to eat their freakin' breakfast so that we can leave the house.  And forget about man-handling them and wrestling them into submission.  We are past that.

If I try to remove the food from the table they shriek and cry that they were "eating that" and are "still hungry"!!!!! 

Oh.  And the little suckers won't put clothes on.  So. To sum up:  Since 8:00am I have had their clothes out, ready to go, and their breakfast on the table ready to eat, and as of 9:45am they are still f-ing around at the table fighting over who touched who and who touched who's chair and who has the right to touch who's chair. 
Now, Nick is trying to feed the cat her dry kitty food.  Annnnnd now he is screaming because Lucas touched his chair again.

Clothes still waiting to be put on. 

I am going to scream.  I am really going to scream.

Warning

When boys (and maybe girls too, I don't know) reach the ripe old age of 4.5 their digestive system has reached a new maturity level.  It is as if the fauna in his digestive system are finally up and running and working - full steam ahead! 

This gas is very potent and adult-like.  It is, in fact, horrible.  And my child enjoys a great deal of glee when he is able to clear a room - which is happening frequently - because he is foul.

He thinks that saying "excuse me" is his way to announce that he's letting one rip.  I have tried to explain that he needs to leave the room, but he is resistant.  Because it isn't as fun that way. 

"Excuse me!"  And then he passes gas with a beaming grin on his face. 

I'm having a glimpse of the teenage years ahead.  I'm worried.

Reward Chart

We are officially trying a responsibility chart for the kids. I am hopeful that they will respond to the positive reinforcements that come with this chart. 

OH GAWD.  Listen to me.  "respond to the positive reinforcements. . . " 

I bet my Grandmother never once said that.  Yuppy parenting 101 over here at the Johnson household. 

In other Goodie Two Shoes news. . . .

We have started using the Ecos laundry detergent sold at Costco and it is pretty good.  In fact I don't have a single complaint. 

But I don't understand the labels . . . . again.  I'm too tired and worn out to research any of the terms.  I suppose you could derive anything from plant material and call it healthy and eco-friendly - even if it is at a concentration that is not healthy or eco-friendly.  I don't know if that is the case here. . . but their selling point is that it is made out of plants.

But hey.  No animal testing.  So that counts.  That is a label I understand.

AND . . .

This is all serious business now.  IS ANYONE FOLLOWING THE EPIC MELTDOWN OF CHARLIE SHEEN?????

Oh. MY. Gosh.  It is amazing some of the things he said on the Today show this morning.  The man is all manic and having some grandiose delusions of how powerful and mighty he is.

Here's a little Teaser from this morning's interview:  "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special . . . . I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total freaking rock star from Mars. And people can't figure me out. They can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."


HELLO CHARLIE??  I'm yelling to make it through your thick skull  . . .!!!  I know you can't read this because I'm all top secret now. . . but you are an ACTOR.  An ACTOR.  YOU NEED TO STICK TO ACTING - no one actually cares what goes through your mind.  I've got news for ya big guy, your show was on it's way out after 8 seasons so they don't want you anymore.  You aren't worth your requested 3 million dollars an episode because - since you started hitting the drugs again you look like shit and you can't pull off the swingin' bachelor lifestyle look that is your character in the show.  The network has 8 seasons of you to make money off of in syndication - they don't need you anymore.  You are a looser with a porn and drug problem buddy.  Get over yourself and grow up. 

Sorry.  It needs to be said.  If you missed today's meltdown - tomorrow he will be on ABC's Good Morning America - be sure to TiVo it because he is like a train wreck that you must watch.

Adult Decisions

AJ and I have been deliberating over a big decision all weekend.  We were deciding if we would be willing to move to a far away land with very little sunshine.  Two thirds of all days are cloudy and very snowy/cold days.  I need a decent amount of sun, or else suffer from debilitating Seasonal Affective Disorder "SAD", even with the therapeutic light boxes.  Plus we just couldn't get out of this home without loosing a decent chunk of money. 

But the opportunity was an amazing one.  We would have lived in a spectacular location with absolutely stunning resources. It is an iconic place that people dream of visiting even once in a lifetime. Plus AJ would have been working with a fantastic group of people and his job would have provided him with wonderful prospects for growth. It was a hard call.  Part of me feels like my strong reaction to dark days is holding him back a little. I worry that he won't get another opportunity like this one for a long time.  What if this is our chance? 

In the long run, it comes down to this:  We are happy here.  I like my home, I love my friends here, AJ loves his job and continues to feel challenged by his current position, he also is very fortunate to have wonderful people to work with, and Lucas needs to continue with his speech therapy program.  In a year or two maybe we will be in a better position to move and be at ease with that decision. I just hope that there will be another opportunity like this one in our future.

I hate having to make these decisions.  All the what-if's keep going through my head.

Since It's Just Between Us Now

I thought I'd share a really super embarrassing story from today's adventures. 

We purchased a Groupon for a membership to the Santa Fe Children's Museum and today we went up there to turn it in and claim our membership!!  Whoo Hoo.  I love that place.

On the way into town we stopped at The Sunflower Market for some lunch supplies.  I think I may start shopping at this Sunflower instead of the one close to my home.  There was an incident at the one close to my home involving an employee, yogurt samples, and *ahem* body fluid.  It is like a person's worst nightmare right?? 

Please hold while I gag. 

So anyway.  We were at a different one that is in Santa Fe.  I'd forgotten to bring some feminine hygiene products with us so I grabbed a small box on our way through the store (relevant in 2 paragraphs).  We had all sorts of fruit and sandwiches and yogurt covered raisins. . . . I know. . . . it still makes ya shudder a bit. 

Lucas announces that he has to go potty so we go to the store's restroom.  As we entered the restroom an elderly woman was exiting the larger handicapped stall.  I prefer the large stall with the kids in tow.  Lucas covers his nose when we entered the stall (lady was washing her hands) and yells that "It tinks in here Mommy, UUUUGGGHHH, it TINKS SO BAD."   OMG. 

I tell him that it is a bathroom and bathrooms sometimes stink.  Dear Lord I hope she was't as mortified as I was.

Back at the cart - Nick zeros in on my box of  ladies items, and decides that what ever is in the box is for him.  He grabs the box and in lightning speed rips the end open while screaming in his booming voice "BANDAIDS MOMMY, I NEED A BANDAID FOR MY BOO BOO!" 

He's yelling this super f-ing loud in the very quiet store.  Honest to GOD this happened so fast.  I loudly and frantically shush him while trying to snatch the box from him - also while still pushing the cart - because OMG I must get the hell out of here before it gets worse.  I have a sixth sense now for impending disaster and was speeding to the front of the store to pay.   But the little sucker is crazy fast and he swung his arm away from me as I reached for the box and flung tampons all over the floor in the grocery store. 

Lucas announces as I quickly bend down to collect the rolling tampons that "Those are funny bandaids Mommy.  Mommy?  MOMMY?  ARE  YOU LISTENING TO ME?  What are those bandaids for?"  Meanwhile Nick is screeching (and drawing additional attention to us) because I was now in possession of his prized box of bandaids and he was FURIOUS that he didn't have them.  He then attempts to climb out of the dinky shopping cart and nearly tips it over - but I was able to catch the cart WITH a handful of tampons.  Then my sunglasses fell off the top of my head so I bent over again to get the god damned sunglasses, and dropped more tampons.  I was a mess.  The whole situation was a mess. 

YAYY for Mommy multi-tasking powers.

I was mortified.  Too mortified to look around to see how many people witnessed this event.

More Privacy

Hey!! 

I have decided to have a bit more control over who sees pictures of my kiddos.  And who reads stories about my kiddos.  I feel much better not having all the info just hanging out there for anyone to see.  I'm sure you all understand.  Anyway.  That is that.  And if it becomes a pain in the booty to get to this blog - please let me know, because I won't know if you don't tell me.

I recently put up a post about my kids in the shower and had an odd response from an unwelcome commenter.  So I deleted the post.  Which isn't how I want my blog to be. 

Also - if anyone has Gretchen's email, up in Washington (she's an NPS-er) could you please pass it along to me so that I can include her in the list? 

Thanks!!

Big News From the Park

WE went to the park (again) and instead of playing we sat for nearly 2 hours and watched all this!!  Very exciting. It is a good thing I've been brushing up on my construction site lingo (doesn't every housewife routinely review common construction site lingo??) so I could fill the boys in on what was going down in the wash below us.   

This dump truck is stuck in the sand.  He dumped his load to try to free himself from the sand.  BIG FAIL.  He was still stuck, but now he had a half load of rock to negotiate.  The front end loader tried to come help him (and totally could have) but the driver did some complicated construction worker sign language and essentially told the front end loader to go straight to hell and back away from his dump truck.



So there they sat.  The boys were excited to see what would happen to the stuck dump truck.



Then arrived the black dump truck (with a full load of rock) and they hooked up a cable and chains and hauled the stuck guy out pretty quickly.  The dumbass supervisor was standing within striking distance of the cable and chains when they were pulling.  Way to set the example dude.

This big 5000 gallon water-sprayer thingiemabob arrived to hose down the work site.  I don't know why this is necessary.

  

AND this one is a front end loader.  See??  I know all sorts of things now that I have boys.

Livin' the Dream

OMG.

I keep reading terrifying articles on tainted water and solar flares that might wipe us out for decades. . . .

I really need to stop reading altogether.  OR.  I could start living the dream.

I knew a dude who's idea of paradise was taking a skeleton of a home (no doors, no windows, no roof) and slapping a door, new windows, and a new roof onto this one room shack and calling it home.  This decrepit building was on his parents property and "fixing" that bad boy up was how he was going to live the dream.  He thought I was crazy when I pointed out that there was no running water.  He could haul water in, and didn't see what the big deal was. 

I really and truly thought he needed medication.  Living next to his parents was crazy enough, but no running water??  Dear Lord.

Since then I have realized how different peoples' ideal homes can be.  Some people want mansions, some simply want something that is fully paid for, some want the pride in building it with their own hands, and some are happy it if a shack has windows, a door and a roof. 

So don't medicate me when I say that for the last 10 years I've had a secret (not anymore) dream of living in an earthship.   Although I do recognize that I am not innovative or skilled enough to build my own.  I don't think so anyway. 

I love the thought of living in one.

Chaco Culture

This morning we spontaneously decided to drive 3 hours north to Chaco Culture National Historical Park.  Our excuse (as if we need one) was that we were on an official scouting trip for this summer's camping. And as you can see I'm still playing wayyyyy too much with my photo editing software. . . but it is fun.

The only photo in which Nick was willing to participate.

 

It is really remarkable to stand next to these incredibly old structures and to still be able to distinguish details of craftsmanship - after all this time has passed.  This is an awesome place.



Look how straight the side of the wall is!!





This door is literally the same height as Lucas.  He kept darting from room to room and yelling over his shoulder  "Mommy watch your head!  You are like a great big GIANT in here Mommy!"

 

Awesome metate that Lucas decided was not for grinding corn but for lizards to use as a slip and slide when it rained.

Life, life everywhere.  You just have to look.

 

We will most definitely be back - this place is incredible.  I'm hoping my parents will come camping with us so that AJ and I can hike some of the backcountry trails while Grammy and Pop watch the kids.  Because hiking with kids is pure hell at this point.

Water Water Water

More bad water news . . . .just in case the winter blues haven't sufficiently depressed you - I will. 

31 Kids 8 Homes

Tonight I took the boys out front to ride their bikes in the court before it got too dark.  I was standing in a neighbor's driveway visiting with him while we watched our own kids and some other neighbor kids ride their bikes and play.  I like my neighbors, for the most part.  I initially had some concerns about one family, but I have since come to know them better and things are easier.  We all will take turns supervising the kids in the court (or in our backyards) while they play with each other, which is nice.  We all look out for each other's kids and we all are comfortable correcting any negative behavior that we see.   

The kids I referred to in a recent post who were peer pressuring Lucas are at the back of our property and don't live in our court - and I don't have much interaction with them or with their parents. 

Tonight as I stood there visiting with my neighbor (who's wife just had her third child on Monday, a baby girl!) a moving van rolls up into the court followed by three full pickup trucks of furniture.  Cesar (neighbor) and I moved all 7 of the kids on bikes (three of them from other homes) out of the way and onto the sidewalks while everyone parked. 

These were our new neighbors.  Cesar and I watched in disbelief as six - yes six young faces, one by one leaped out of the SUV and immediately joined the existing kids to play while their parents unloaded furniture.  We were now supervising 13 kiddos - and I didn't mind at all - but wow.  SIX.  They are moving into a floor plan that is identical to my floor plan.  I can't imagine. 

So to sum up: 8 homes and 31 kids.  Really we should only count 27 kids because 4 of the kids (in the same house) are older teenagers who don't "play".  So that would be 27 kids in 7 houses aged 11 and younger.  Only 2 kids are 11.  The rest are in the first three years of elementary school or are too young for school. This will be 6 more bicycles.  6 more versions of hide and seek.  27 scooters, names, personalities, and 25 hopeful faces knocking on my door asking me to support their school fundraiser. 

Three nights in a row now I've had adorable little people knocking on my front door asking if my kids can come play.  It is so sweet.  But. . . . . six more of them????

I think that if we get a tax return this year we will put it into raising the cinder block wall between us and the hoards of neighbor kids.  Because as much as I like kids and enjoy supervising them playing with each other - I'm going to need a private backyard where I can hide from them all too.

Fake Food

Today I fed the kids fake food for lunch because I'm tired of sandwiches and am totally exhausted - it's been a long week.  I busted out the box of Mac and Cheese with florescent orange "cheese" and processed, refined sorry excuses for noodles.  To make the "cheese" you add butter and milk.  I added a fake butter too - the "I can't believe" kind.   

 We don't have a lot of prepackaged foods around here.  I do keep some for those days where I need a break. Mostly we try to make things from scratch though.  But I saw a show on Oprah not too long ago about becoming a vegan.  It was very interesting to me - not that I want to become a vegan though.  The show really promoted the idea that people should look at where their food comes from carefully.  People should be aware of the animal products in our food and how those products are processed and packaged and shipped - plus all the resources that go into making your food.  They mentioned this one kind of butter that is a vegan butter but supposedly you can't tell the difference.

 So I purchased the butter(pictured above) - to give it a try.  They were right, I can't tell the difference.  It is lactose free, soy free, gluten free, non GMO, and vegan.

 But then I compared the labels and realized that the healthy stuff had WAY more calories and fat per serving than the fake stuff.  I am confused.  What the hell are you supposed to do now??  No, really, I'm confused.

 The show also talked about having a conscience about the conditions the animals we eat are subjected to.  In other words - don't buy animal products where the animals have been mistreated.  Not mistreated by the FDA standards - but mistreated by common sense standards.  So I purchased fairly inexpensive cage free veggie fed eggs.  Look at the happy hens piling up the cages that they aren't forced to live in.  The package makes me want to support the rebellious hens by purchasing their happy eggs.  Power to the hens!!

 Once I got it home I realized that the eggs were from California.  Oh crap.  I have violated another rule.  I'm supposed to buy local products when available.  The local cage free happy eggs in the store were close to $5 a dozen.  And this is a Texas licensee.  Damn.  I really can't win here.

Ooooh.  A happy cow.  Look at her leaping with joy.  She is apparently from a happy dairy too.  I do buy the organic milk but not for all the right reasons.  We buy it because the shelf life is 3-4 times longer than the non-happy cow milk.  I got tired of throwing out milk.  Now we buy this milk so that I don't end up throwing it out because it wasn't consumed fast enough.

Other Parents

I am so grateful to all the Mom's in my life who give me great advice and keep me focused on the big picture.

Today Lucas was terribly mean to Nick in the back yard as older children on the other side of the fence encouraged him to be mean.  Lucas thought he was making friends and wanted to please them, Nick didn't understand why Lucas was being mean, and Lucas wasn't thinking about Nick's feelings.

I saw it all go down in my backyard as the neighbor kids hung over the fence.  I got the very deliberate, very low, very quiet voice of a super pissed off Momma and instructed Lucas to say goodbye to his "friends" and come inside.  I told him quietly to go to his room and stay there until I came in there.

I promptly called two people who talked me down off the incredulous, angry rant that I was about to go on.  It wouldn't have done me or Lucas any benefit to yell.  Instead I took the advice I was given and had a calm conversation with Lucas about doing what he knows is right.  I told him that he knows what is right and wrong and that he needs to tell people "no" when they want him to do what he knows to be wrong.

I was also advised to lay on the guilt pretty thick - because he is guilt prone and that is what works for this kid. He was happy that he made friends and thought that it was fantastic that he was able to make them laugh.  He was proud of himself.  He had totally overlooked Nick. A guilt trip sounds mean, but he was laughing about what he did and I needed to get him to realize how wrong he was.

The whole episode really broke my heart.  So I did the guilt thing - which was to tell him that he is supposed to protect and defend his little brother from harm.  He wasn't supposed to cause the harm.  I told him that he needed to be a protective big brother and that Nick looked to Lucas for guidance and protection, not for meanness.  It worked.  Lucas suddenly got sad and realized that what he had done was very wrong and apologized to Nick. 

I really need to start talking with Lucas about how to stand up to people who tell him to do things he knows are wrong.  He is so willing to do anything to please people - he doesn't see that he has the ability to tell his peers "no".   He thinks that everyone he meets is nice and has good intentions - and the children today did not have good intentions.  He is still young though, at four amd I don't know how ready he is to absorb that information.  But we will give it a try.

Any additional advice?  I know this won't be the last time I face this issue.

Valentines Day

 Hi Nick!!  He's getting so BIG but is still willing to cuddle with Momma thank goodness.

 Lucas is such a love. Mr. Blue eyes melts my heart.

 I could not get everyone to look at the camera at the same time.  And forget about smiles while looking at the camera.  At least we got a picture though!

I received flowers in the mail from my hubby.  I am so thrilled that he thought to send flowers!!  They are beautiful.  And I totally beefed up the color saturation. . . because it's fun.

Something-burg

I looked at a map of where AJ will be all week.  All the towns out there end in one of the following:  burg, ville, town, boro, don, ton, shire.

Yes, he is in West Virginia.  How did you guess??  BFE - WV.    Out where people park in the middle of the road to talk on the phone - moonshine and multitasking don't mix.  Where teeth are a luxury and first cousin's marry without shame.  It's a mystical, magical place. 

Kidding.  KIDDING.

Hey!!  My bread turned out well.  Maybe next time with some oats mixed in. 

The neighbors got a "dog" the size of a mid-sized guinea pig.  I hope the local Swainson's hawks don't snatch it up.

I need to go bake more bread . . . something to fill the time.

Breaking News

Uhhhh. 

Don't you LOVE it when I start out a post like that? 

Get ready for a blow by blow account of a completely non-eventful day.  I typed this because I'm bored.

I turned on the news and realized that I can't watch the news anymore.  I just can't.  I can't handle discussions about the presidential election.  It scares the gooey crap out of me when I hear some of the names being thrown around as possible candidates. 

I did read an entertaining article from Rolling Stone magazine about the Tea Party.

But even after that I felt a bit nauseous. 

So I quickly clicked over to TMZ to see what new antics Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are up to.  Those two are ridiculous - and yet I just.    can't.     turn.      away. . .

And then I busted out my bread maker to experiment with . . . . wait for it. . . . . waaaaiiitttt. . . . . BREAD.

Then I whipped out the Quinoa to experiment with that.   But how many different ways are there to do quinoa?  Not too many.  Mix in soup or mix with vegetables.  Ummmmmm.  Yeah.  Good, but I'm bored with that too.

I discovered that "quinoa" is not in the blogger dictionary/spell check thingie.

Vacuum out car.  Wrestle kids/dog/cats back into the house. 

And now I'm sitting here typing. . . and wishing AJ were home. 

Aren't you glad you read all that??  Truly fascinating.  I should write a book.

Giggles

I heard giggling and followed the muffled sound until I opened the closet door and found the gigglers.

 They told me that they were tired and wanted to sleep.  They asked me to close the door again because I was ruining their bunk beds with the door open. 

So stinkin' cute.  Let's hope that I remember this cuteness for the next 7 days as I tackle parenting alone while AJ is off at training.

Coke, Valentines, Coughs and Barium

I have a lot to update you all on.  It isn't very interesting though. 

First:  7:45
 Upper GI test for me @ the hospital.  I recently had a physical and we need to determine if I have an ulcer (again) or if it is something else  - and an upper GI is part of this process.  I arrive on time and . . . have forgotten to bring my "orders" from my doc with me.  This takes about 35 minutes to resolve.  I nearly start crying because I feel terrible that I have thrown the whole radiology department's schedule off for the morning.  I hear them calling other patients asking them if they can come in early.  My doc had to FAX a copy to the hospital. 

Fax?  Dear Lord are we living in the 80's??  Fax??  Do people still fax?? Really?  Why don't the doc's send electronic "orders" to the testing facility so that this whole situation is avoided - so that I don't have to feel like an ass when I forget my carbon copy (hello 1982) orders?  What about PDF's?  But a fax?  Uggggh.  Our medical system is sad. SAD.  I'm blaming this on them - not me.  haha.

That test is an interesting one.  Chug fizzy drink to inflate stomach - don't burp.  Hold it in.  Now chug mud-like Barium - don't gag, throw up or burp. Big gulps, don't puke.  REALLY BIG GULPS OF MUD - HURRY.  Turn to the side.  Turn again.  Lay down on table, flip, flip, flop.  Turn. Hold it.  Don't breathe.  Swallow more barium while laying on your side.  Hold it don't breathe.  Flip flip flop.  Swallow, swallow, swallow.  Now flip flip flop to distribute barium in your stomach again - arms up.  Arms down.  Pictures. . . faster pictures.  Keep flipping.  Annnnd done.

Next: 10:00
Valentine's party at Lucas's school.  I debated on taking Nick because he's had this really terrible cough.  It is like the whooping cough or something.  He coughs so hard that he looses his breath and turns red with watery eyes.  Sooooo I took him to the preschool with tons of other kids to infect.  Yaayyyy!  I'm such a good citizen.

I am so tired of slighting Lucas just because Nick is deathly ill with some horribly contagious disease.  Nick needs to buck up.  LOL.  But seriously - I really wanted to be there for Lucas - so we went.  As it turns out every kid in that class coughed just like Nick, so the whooping cough must be going around.  I'm totally kidding about it actually being whooping cough. . . FYI. 

Nick coughed on everyone and everything.  Suddenly his cough got 10 times worse when we arrived at school so I looked like the shitty Mom who hauled her deathbed child out to a preschool.

Back story:  On Wednesday I had blood tests done and I had to take the kids with me to the lab.  I bribed them with donuts (once again I'm the model parent) if they were good and didn't start UFC fighting in the phlebotomy lab while I had a needle in my arm and was unable to smack them (p.s. this is why we need shock collars for kids).  We got the donuts because they were super good kids.  With the donuts came a little packet of valentine cards that were coupons for a free donut.  There were 10 cards and Lucas needed 10 valentines for his class.  You see where I'm going here? 

I'm the fabulous Mom who took the FREE valentines cards from Krispy Kreme and gave them to my 4 year old to give to his classmates because we think that Michele Obama's healthy eating campaign is bullshit.  Crap food and whooping cough for everyone!!!

12:00.
Walmart (home of the whooping cough . . . and herpes).  Need to get a birthday present for a four year old little girl.  B-day party starts in one hour.  Kids are living off of the cake and icing they got at the preschool valentines party.  No lunch yet.

1:00
Peter Piper Pizza Birthday party.  I'd promised the kids pizza, they are starving because - SHOCK- cake doesn't keep them full very long.  I distract the kids with all the germ riddled flashy lights and video games at PP Pizza until the pizza is served. 

2:00
"Lunch" arrives in the form of greasy nasty pizza.  Eat up children.  Lunch is served.  The hostess is serving drinks and brings over two kid sized glasses of. . . . CocaCola.  With fancy straws.  Lucas took a sip and made a terrible face.  Nick took a sip and smiled and drank more.  I would have removed the drinks but the barium mud I drank earlier is not sitting well and I was afraid if I moved I'd cause a nasty barium scene.  So I sat there.  Watching my kids drink soda.  Dear Lord I'm in Mommy hell.

Then they ate ice cream.  And then they ate what looked like cake but it had so much pink princess icing on it I'm not sure.

Then I turned and saw the hostess giving her 9 month old a glass of Coke.  She smiled and said (almost proudly) that he was "addicted".  

We finally left and my kids staggered in a sugar coma to the car.  Thank GOD I had something healthy in the crockpot at home. 

Little Lady Needs to Pick A Color

I am terrible with color.  TERRIBLE.  It has become clear that I need to select different colors for our living/kitchen/dining area - because two of the walls are just too white-ish to have with young active boys.  They are constantly dirty and smudged and I can't keep up.  Plus the paint people LIED BIG FAT LIARS PANTS ON FIRE when they said that eggshell paint is "completely washable". 

Ummmm - hell to the NO. 

Satin and kitchen and bath paints are washable.  That is what I need.  I love love love the color we have on the fire place, but am having a hard time with what to put on the rest of the walls.  Currently we have 2 walls with a VERY pale blue based green.  Very pale.  I like the color a lot.  But it may need to go. 

I want to keep it open and airy with lots of light.  So the problem boils down to this: Get rid of the kids. 

Hahahahaha!  But seriously, I am stuck.  I think I will play with the Valspar color builder thingie online tonight.  But the colors on the computer look nothing like they do on the wall.  Another problem.

Ugggh. 

In other news, the stucco people came to look at the house today.  Let me clarify.  The stucco people and the builder.  Together.  They work together.  And I got the "little lady" treatment from asshole men and was told that there isn't a problem and that they would check back in a month or two and see if things change. 

Funny thing.  My neighbor with the exact same problem didn't get the "little lady" treatment because he is a big imposing man (and he is truly someone who you don't F*$# with.  You wouldn't mess with this dude if you had a baseball bat & machette and he was unarmed.  He is a bad ass - and the nicest man on earth too.  But I'd never cross him.)  And surprise - they are going to fix his house.  Because he's a Marine and he is a bad ass.  I'm a stay at home mom.

So I spent some time crying.  I am really sad.  I feel like I screwed up.  I should have been more forceful and insistent that they see the problem, recognize it and fix it.  But instead I was talked down to by two men who knew more terminology than I do.  Good times. 

Of course AJ is gone.

Of course he is. 

Amen

Just something I'd throw out there. . . because I thought it was an awesome article. 

More Animals

After the aquarium we went to the car and got our lunches, then went to the tables in front of the aquarium and had a picnic type lunch.  Nick apparently didn't realize that after lunch we were headed home.

We pitched our trash into the garbage and headed for the big gates that opened into the parking lot.  We got to the gates and Nick stopped walking.  I turned and encouraged him to catch up.  He stiffens up and bursts into tears.

"More animals.  MORE ANIMALS. Zooo.  More animals." 

I told him we were going home and that we'd come see more animals soon. 

He drops to the ground and screams this blood curdling scream that turned into the ragged raspy screams of a very intense protest. 

Then he starts screaming "Nooooo!  Noooo!"  as I pick him up and attempt to carry him to the car.  But he is strong.  So he flails so much that I had to put him down.  Which meant I had to drag him with one arm through the parking lot while he screamed "NOOOOO!  NOOOOO!" 

I happened to turn around and saw that I had an audience.  A pair of security guards were watching me.  I figured that they'd seen this scene before.  Hopefully.

Once we got to the car I couldn't let go of Nick because he was actively attempting to bolt across the parking lot and back to the animals.  So I then had to try to shove him in the door of the car while all his limbs were thrown wide so that I couldn't get him into the door. 

Once I finally, finally, got him in the door I then had to get him into the seat. 

At this point Lucas had enough of all the screaming and he burst into tears and started screaming at me to "STOP IT.  STOP IT!!!" 

I expected to be arrested by the fake cops with ill-fitting uniforms at any moment. 

As I struggled with all my might to bend Nick's stiffened body into his car seat I started to laugh at the absurdity of my situation.  And then I couldn't stop laughing. 

It occurred to me suddenly that I had to pee really badly. 

So there I was.  Laughing out loud uncontrollably, doing the pee pee dance while attempting to quiet Lucas, and force Nick into his seat.

Aquarium Day

 We were able to pet the manta rays which was really cool!  These were the best pictures I could get. . . a little blurry but I couldn't use the flash without getting too much glare.