Shut Up You'd Do It Too

A little powder anyone?



Lookin' Good Little Man




Ahhhh.  He looks like an old lady with over done eyebrows.  So cute!!




Holy EYELASHES Batman!!

Today was pretty difficult.  For whatever reason we are all really tired and irritable.  The grocery store today was a freakin' nightmare.  Nick likes to ride on the side of the cart- hanging off like an old school garbage man.  The carts at the market are small and tip easily. . . . and Nick thinks the possibility of tipping the cart is exciting and fun. 

The store was filled with Moms with their young children, and Old PEOPLE who hate children and made it clear with loud sighs and overly dramatic glances at the Mom's.  Grrr.  I was doing the absolute best job that I possibly could, people!!!  I'm sorry that Nick took a bite out of the celery in the produce section.  I purchased the celery  OK???  And, yes, Lucas was not paying attention and kept getting in your way. . . again, so sorry.  And the greenbeans.  I didn't see everything that went down with the greenbeans but - again.  So sorry.

The bathroom situation there was not much better.  Today must've been potty training day at the grocery store because there were three of us in there with seven children, three of which were in diapers and insisted on peeing in the toilet like the other kids.  It was a freaking nightmare.

The lady in the stall next to me was living a parallel life to mine.  We both were trying to make our diapered but not yet potty trained kids happy by allowing them to "try".  Chaos ensued in her stall when the other child flushed the toilet early and the diapered kid FREAKED OUT.  Suddenly something hit the stall wall and a diaper hit the floor and I don't know what else was going on in there. . . but not good.  I was going through a similar situation in my stall only our problem was whether the stall door was to be open, or closed. 

In the midst of this an old lady came in and went into the fourth stall after dramatically pausing at the entry door and openly debating whether or not she really had to go that bad. . . is it worth it or not???  Should I come into this mess, or not??  Hmmmm?

Next up: hand washing.  How to wash hands with those automatic sinks and long sleeves and  . . . .ooooh interesting things in the drain on the floor, and ooooohhhh what is that?  Is that the old lady's feet under the stall??  "Mommy is she pooping??"  "Mommy? What is that NOISE in there?"

OH.  DEAR.  GOD. 

Hand washing is not worth this when I have sanitizer in my purse.  GET OFF THE FLOOR.  NO she isn't pooping and stop touching the inside of the garbage can!!!!! 

The day progressed with hysterical crying because he didn't get to buckle himself.  Topped off by an episode of the other one refusing to eat the sandwich because it wasn't what he asked for.  Does it matter which one is "he"?  Nope.  Sure doesn't.

So yes.  I put old lady make up on my boys because I needed a laugh.  I double dog dare you to make fun.  I wrestled a half naked two year old off a public restroom floor and back into a used-but-not-too-dirty diaper today.  Bring it on!!

I Just Can't Help Myself

I don't expect you all to agree with me on this but I just can't hold this in:

I just read this:  http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2010/10/19/odonnell-gets-coons-for-constitutional-law-101/

Normally I figure that journalists skew things - especially nowadays - so I don't give too much credit to news stories.  What really got my attention was watching the video.  This woman truly didn't know what the First Amendment says. 

I'll be honest:  my stomach just turned a little bit.  It scares the shit out of me that a candidate for US Senate doesn't appear to have read or even be familiar with The Bill of Rights. I'm not claiming to be a political whiz or know-it-all but COME ON!!!!!

It's the BILL OF RIGHTS.  I'll just keep yelling. . . . because IT'S THE BILL OF RIGHTS!!!!!

COME ON!!!!

(I'll be yelling throughout the day, seemingly out of nowhere, each time I think of this woman. . . because I can't help myself.)

come.
freakin'. 
on.   

I can't WAIT to see what Jon Stewart says about THIS one.

More Excitement at the Botanic Gardens

A $2000 steam powered mini locomotive.  That price is BEFORE the remote control features were added which upped the investment to around $3000. Pretty impressive.  It is run off of Butane for the boiler (yes an actual boiler) which produces the steam to make it all work.



Here is a picture of the locomotive with a glove so you can get a feel for the size.  I did not get a picture of the entire track but there were several of these things choo choo-ing around the track.  It is really exciting to see how enthusiastic the train club members are about these things.  Their enthusiasm is contagious. 




There are still some flowers around




The change is coming. . . . the yellows and oranges are here



 

More color - I like the calico ones.




The boys were looking at one of the many bee hives.  There were bees all over the place and no one was harmed or needlessly scared.   I was proud that my kids haven't been taught to run in fear from such an interesting animal.  Yeah that's right, I'll stand on my soap box about this subject once again.  You can't teach kids to value and understand something they are also taught to blindly fear.  Annnd I'm off the soap box.



Oooooo goats.  Goats like scratching behind the ears just like dogs.  Errrrrrrr yeah right there, don't stop, keep scrattttchhhhing.  When I worked on the goat ranch they all figured out that I was a softie for a cute goat and they harassed me to scratch them all the time. 



Love this Little Dude

Love this Kid

Baaad Peanut Butter

Nick took a big bite of peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I was looking down at the table as I finished filling out paperwork for Lucas's school.  It wasn't a thick sandwich.  Just a normal kid sized sandwich.

I glanced up and saw him trying to breathe.  Again.

This shit keeps happening.  W. T. F???

No air getting through = no gagging sounds = Mom totally oblivious until I looked up and laid eyes on him.

He didn't know enough to try to get my attention.

I normally don't jump up for them gagging or choking because like I've said before, they normally get it out on their own.  I'm becoming pretty bullet proof with the gagging/choking thing. This time I moved fast because . . . well it was just obvious that I needed to act.

I held him balanced on an arm upside down over the garbage can  (this isn't the first time I've had to do this and I didn't want a mess) and whacked his back.  (How weird is it that I thought of a mess?  In my defense the garbage can was directly next to where he was sitting.)

The thing about peanut butter is that is sticky and didn't just pop loose. I think more than anything it was gravity and his attempts at gagging that cleared his airway. I was afraid that if I went in after it with a finger sweep it would just push it farther down. Finally it oozed out of his mouth slowly which is how I realized just how much he had jammed into his mouth. 

Why in the hell would he take such a huge bite?  He's two, that's why.  He still doesn't know any better and, even though I think some things should be intuitive, for a two year old they aren't.  Hell, even Lucas still puts too much in his mouth and gags. 

Lesson learned:  Look at them frequently even if I'm sitting at the same table.   

Forcing Pee

Took the boys swimming again tonight.  I am so relieved that the other Mom's entering the water with their tots have Mommy bodies too and not the skinny-never-had-a-child-destroy-my-body, body.  It made it ok to be in a bathing suit in front of a dozen or more spectators who were watching their more advanced children swim. 

Lucas is learning to put his head under the water and he is loving EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. Truly.  His smile is beaming and he is excited and confident and having a blast.  I love seeing him like this.  He walks into the pool area and sees his "friends" and excitedly greets them. I think I may have to just find the money to keep enrolling him over and over in swim classes throughout the year as long as he loves it so much. We do however need to work on his patience - he pushed a baby down the tot slide so that he could go down it after her.  Not so good.  And then he pushed a little girl off the steps to the slide so that he could get to it first.  Not so good.  The parents all shot me looks.  So we need to work on that.

Nick is also loving the swimming but not as much as Lucas.  Nick simply doesn't have any body fat and that translates into shivering and not being able to be in the pool longer than 20 minutes.  So while he loves the water he also starts to turn blue and stiffen up while shaking uncontrollably halfway through the lessons.  Sooooo we may need to find Nick a different activity that requires more clothing.

In the locker room it took me 35 minutes to get everyone showered, dressed and . . . . urinated?  Anyway.  Nick is insisting that he is potty trained so he needs to pee in the big person potty like everyone else. 

And he stands there. 
And he stands there. 
And he puts his hands on the edge of the filthy disgusting bowl, bracing himself to push pee out.
And he stands there. 

Ten minutes.  TEN MINUTES. 

I tried pulling him away but he burst into tears and said that he needed to pee like Lucas. I didn't have the heart to force him to give up.  So we stood there some more while he tried to get his pee pee to come out.

Finally I coaxed him out of the stall with the promise of dinner waiting at home (he was hungry).  After scrubbing the shit out of his public toilet bowl hands we finally were able to leave the pool.

Finally.

Whew.



Lucas following his teacher through the water




Lucas kicking - not because he was told to but just because he couldn't contain his excitment.



Update.

Ummm yeah. 

Mommy's back is on the verge of something terrible. 

Kids sent outside to play - Mommy joined them to throw ball for dog.

Came inside to answer phone.

Turned to see a jet of water from the hose shooting into the house.

Ran to close door.

Lucas was controlling the water at the faucet.

Nick aimed the hose at Mommy Dearest.

And then aimed water at the door as it closed.

Children laughing as Mommy was trapped in the house unable to stop maniacally laughing children.

Mommy stared at them through the wet glass door temporarily stunned.

Water still hitting glass door.

Until Mommy came at them through the side yard gate. 

Muddy children laughing.

Mommy to amused at children's brilliant diabolical plan to be mad.

House wet.

Mom needs more to drink.

Lubed Up Ears

Nick was sitting at the table eating lunch.  I looked up from my plate to see Nick stick a finger into his ear.  This isn't unusual, he's been plugging his ears with his fingers so he can scream louder, it amuses him.  But this time his other finger was dipped into the tomato sauce on his plate.  Then slowly and carefully he balanced a gob of sauce on his finger and inserted it into the other ear. 

I yelled "STOP, NO STOP!"

He paused and looked at me as if to say "Wha?  Wha's wrong? Wha'd I do?" 

I burst out laughing, despite my attempt to keep it bottled up under a frown because it was just too funny.  I couldn't pull off the stern "I'm warning you, knock it off young man" thing this time.  He saw me laughing and started laughing too.

"It's funny! Very FUNNY!" he said.

"Niiiick stop putting food in your ears" said Lucas who then started laughing at the whole thing too. 

Yes.  Filling your ears with tomato sauce is actually very funny.  I'm going to wait for it to dry and then flake out of his ears.  In the mean time it will look like he has bloody ears. 

Perfect for his developmental assessment scheduled for later today.

The Big and The Small

First the big stuff. 

We went last weekend to see my sister Stella and had a fantastic time.  Unfortunately I did not get a single photo of her and the boys together.  I am really REALLY bummed out about that.  Stella was a fantastic hostess and fully stocked her refrigerator and cabinets with kid friendly foods and drinks.  She had special orange juice and yogurts and cheeses - just to name a few.  She took us to the Natural History Museum and took us into the special butterfly exhibit which was a huge 4 story green house filled with TONS of various butterflies fluttering around.  It was incredible. 

We also went to the zoo and saw a special dinosaur exhibit where there were animatronic dinosaurs that moved and made noises and were true to size.  The kids loved it and so did we.  We all stood in front of the T-Rex marveling at how intimidating it was.  The thing was huge and would have been terrifying back in the dinosaur days. 

We also were able to see my cousin Stacie and her three kiddos.  It had been so long since I'd seen her and it was soooo nice to catch up.

We had a hell of a long drive back - 15 hours - and we did it without stopping.  There was a monstrous thunderstorm outside of Wichita Falls, Tx.  FYI: lightening bolts are huge when they hit the side of the road next to you.  They aren't the delicate thin bolt that you normally see.  Nope.  They are wide and make you want to crap your pants.  The locals who were driving on the road with us didn't seem fazed and kept on cruising down the road as if it was just another storm.  And for them, in tornado country, it probably was. 

Next the small stuff:
The boys started swimming, as I mentioned in the post before this.  They did a fantastic job.  They got right into the water and listened to the swim teachers and had a great time.  Lucas's class was full, but only he and another child were willing to get into the water.  The other three kids stood on the side of the pool crying that they didn't want anything to do with the water.  But MY little angels were perfect.  I bet all those other parents were horribly jealous that my kids were the picture of swimming perfection and their little ones were uncooperative little wimps.

Ok.  I'm kidding.  Last time we had lessons my kids were the ones crying and upset on the sidelines - so I completely sympathized with them. 

Also - BIG NEWS!!!!!  I'm . . . . I'm.  Oh gosh I don't know how to break the news to everyone.  But here it goes. 

I'm officially using fabric softener.  Deep breaths.  I know.  I'm just as excited as you are about this.  This is a big development.  After using my sister's ultra soft, plush, sweet smelling towels I have decided to give the fabric softener thing a whirl.  I even invested the $1.37 on the "Downey Ball".  I am one step closer to becoming the perfect housewife that I have never aspired to be.  But here I am:  deeply committed to having super soft towels. 

Swimsuit Season - Again.

Today the boys go to swim lessons again. 

And I of course have taken a hiatus in the shaving of leg hair since the weather has been cooler.  I have 2 hours and 15 minutes before it is time to delicately slide into the water at the aquatic center.  Problem #1 - I don't know where the hell my swim suit is.  Problem #2 - I don't know where my spare razor blades are.  Problem #3 - I'm not sure how I'm going to do this with both boys.  Problem #4 - I only have 2.25 hours to make myself look like this before it's "go" time. Because I'm all rational and realistic with my personal goals.  I'd probably loose the huge knife before getting into the kiddie pool.

Alright.  Time to stop procrastinating.  Gotta go weed whack. . . .

Aunt Stella

 Aunt Stella is marked on Lucas's calendar and he is counting down the moments until we get to see her.  He made me call his teacher on the phone so he could tell her that we are leaving for Aunt Stella's house tomorrow.  Lucas is practically bouncing off the walls.  Nick is still too young to understand fully that we are going on a trip, but Lucas has a better grip on how time works which is why we got him a calendar. 

It is all he's been talking about, all we hear about.  The calendar comes off the fridge at least once a day so that we can look at the day. The day we get to see her is a very big day.

The kids are so fantastically exciting.  His excitement is so pure and contagious.  I love that he is getting his baby brother involved in the "planning" of our trip by ordering Nick around on what to pack and what bag to use and "no, don't pack that truck Nick, pack this one." 

I re-registered our alarm system with the city today and ironically today was the day I set the alarm off and didn't know it.  The alarm company called me as I was pulling out of the driveway and asked me if they should summon the police.  Nooooo, I'm in the driveway, why??  Ahhhhh.  A door was ajar.  Well, I guess the alarm is working well enough for us to leave on the trip.

Lucas had a trip to the Dr for allergies.  They gave him a nasal spray that is supposed to help which would be nice.  He is constantly clearing his throat from the drainage and as a result his throat is red and swollen.  Poor dude. 

Nick is still trying to land himself in the ER by doing crazy, fearless shit around here . . . but I keep thwarting his diabolical plans. . . . we shall see how Nick proof Aunt Stella's house is . . . .

Aunt Stella if you are reading this you should stash all items that you value on the top shelf of a closet.  Not joking.  If he can't swallow it he will throw it at a wall and/or person for fun.  And then he will give you his classic "OHHHhhhhhhhhh . . . . ."  in a tone that says "this is new information, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to tear your home apart, no one has ever told me this before."  When in reality he is just playing the cute card because you have told him a million times.

Lucas told his father today during dinner that he didn't like cowboy music.  AJ looked like someone kicked him in the nuts.  AJ tried to convince Lucas that cowboy music is cool. . . but Lucas wouldn't give an inch.  All this while Nick was trying to delicately hang upside down from his booster chair like a bat with his feet hooked under the top of the chair.  He nearly succeeded except his pesky Mom interferred yet again with his carefully laid plans. . . damn her!!!  (Insert Stewie Griffin's voice)

Alrighty then . . . . Houston here we come.


The boys are pouring over the calendar waiting for the day



THERE is the day. Super excited!!



Balloons at the Preschool

 I forgot my camera at home so these are phone-camera photos.  Not the best. 

Lucas's school had a balloon extravaganza at 7 am this morning.  We got there on time and were surprised by how many people were there already.  We were able to walk around freely and get as close as we wanted to the balloons - within reason.  They didn't exactly want us climbing into the basket or anything like that. 

Everyone was pretty respectful.  At one point a herd of juvenile H. sapiens was backed up against the balloon for a picture when they all started leaning on it and soon they were falling under it and being covered up by it. . . . my kid was next to all this and started to think it was OOOOODLES of fun and decided to try to go under it too. . . . parents and teachers started to lunge forward to save all the little darlings from being swallowed up under the balloon.  Thankfully the adults intervened in time and pulled everyone out. . . AJ pulled Lucas away from the balloon too.  That is why I don't have a pic of him next to the balloon - I was too busy panicking. 

 We ran into some friends with kids in the preschool so it was nice to visit with them. It was very cool that the boys got to see the balloons up close and in person.  Our town always seems to have hot air balloons floating around so we were happy that the kids finally got to see one up close instead of just floating over the house or over the car.  We are pretty lucky to have so many silent, and beautiful balloons around.



The burners illuminated the balloon

 

The fans began to fill another balloon - the kids were all going nuts about the balloon getting bigger.

 

Bigger. 

 

AJ took each of the boys up to touch it which was super exciting.

  

Then they turn the fan off and turn the burner on which causes the balloon to lift off the ground and float.



Ready to go up, up and away. . . .



The Week of Cursing

After AJ got home yesterday I treated myself to a Blizzard at Dairy Queen.  I had earned every single calorie too.  Tonight I might need to go again.   

The day started with Lucas refusing to eat because I didn't serve him what he wanted.  He has always had to eat what is served- why the sudden objections and resistance now?  He had a choice of cereals and he didn't want cereal.  I thought the age of 4 was going great.  But we have entered another challenging spell.  And he whined about the food.  And he whined some more.  I told him to go to his room or eat.  He whined some more. 

I walked in and told AJ (who was getting ready for work) that I couldn't, just couldn't, do another day like yesterday.  He came out and physically put Lucas in his room.  5 minutes of being in his room suddenly made his breakfast more tolerable to him.  He ate it.


Nick is giving up naps.  'Nuff said.

Nick also locked me in the backyard today.  Once I got into the house with the hide a key I found him behind THREE, yes THREE, locked doors.  Our bedroom door - locked.  Our bathroom door - locked. And our closet door - locked. 

He had barricaded himself in there with the cat and a bottle of hand soap.  He wanted to wash the cat. But he didn't want me to stop him.  Thus the FOUR locked doors. 

It may sound as though I don't supervise.  I can see how you might believe that, given all that seems to be going on.  But I can assure you that I am supervising.  They seem to wait for me to turn my back, go to the bathroom, step outside to get the dog, go to the garage for a roll of paper towels, start doing dishes - you name it - and then they sneak away to get into something. 

I'm feeling defeated, exhausted and demoralized.  What am I doing wrong?  Am I raising a bunch of nut jobs?  Am I being too strict and they are acting out?  Am I not being strict enough? 

I took them to the park bright and early to run off their energy.  At this point I'm afraid to take them anywhere where but the park.  On the way a woman pulled into my lane and quite literally came inches away from causing a major collision at 45 mph.  I hit the narrow median with my tire and nearly entered oncoming traffic where I would have promptly had a head-on collision with a police officer. I locked up the brakes and laid on the horn and she missed me, but not by much.  I was directly next to her so it would have been a full-body-slam so to speak. 

Thankfully no one was hurt. She got out of her car when we reached the stop light and came back to profusely apologize which made it better.  I wish more people were polite like that.  I went to the mechanic to make sure I didn't need an alignment after hitting the median and thankfully I didn't. 

And in other news I found a great mechanic!!  Didn't charge me for anything and he seems like a genuine dude. 

The mechanic had just closed my hood and Lucas reaches into the cab (super fast!!) and pops the hood again.  I didn't even notice because I was loading Nick in the car.  The mechanic noticed and went and closed it again.  I swear these kids are like a bunch of rodents (and there's only two of them!!) racing around getting into things, scattering objects, breaking and soiling things, fighting - and I can't keep track of them or what they are doing.  Thank GOD they aren't multiplying like rodents do.  I can't even imagine how people with more than two children survive. 

This is just a phase - a bad week.  It will get better.  It always does. 

Here are some good moments from yesterday: 

The boys helped me cut up chicken for dinner with their baby knives.  They then proceeded to eat a bunch of the chicken and the frozen veggies . . . but that's ok because I had planned on them grazing. 

 Oh hey on a side note:  If a frazzled and overwhelmed mother calls you up to vent and let off some steam. . . just listen to her.  Don't even attempt to defend or sympathize with the children that she complains about. You will direct her substantial ire at you, which is a very bad move.  Give me. . .*ahem* I mean her an abnormal amount of comments such as:  "Oh those little bastards!" and "I just don't know how you do it, you are amazing." and " my favorite: "I think you should just let yourself have a beer at 2 in the afternoon, you deserve it honey." 

Don't try to put things into perspective.  Don't try to minimize her suffering. Most importantly DO NOT offer suggestions for discipline unless she specifically asks.  DO NOT under any circumstances tell her "Oh, you need to get that behavior under control." -because she isn't an idiot - she knows this and is doing every thing she can to survive. 

She just wants to talk about herself and be selfish.  

She wants you to give her permission to drink.

Little Arrogant Dictators

Didn't sleep last night.  Finally passed out around 1 am, I think.  I attempted to make muffins for breakfast.  But the god damned smoke alarm kept going off.  So I had to fan the smoke detector the whole time the muffins were baking.  Meanwhile the boys were holding their ears and yelling at me to make it stop.  Then Lucas yelled at me to change the batteries, because the firefighters at Lowes told him that you need to change the batteries and that it is really easy so we just need to change the batteries because that is why it is making noise. . . . . and on and on he went while I was fanning the alarm and praying for silence.

Ten minutes.  I stood there fanning the f-ing smoke detector for ten minutes while getting helpful smoke detector maintenance tips from a 4 year old.

When I pulled the muffins out - two of them were burnt and the rest were perfect.  WTF?

Then we rushed out the door with muffins in hand to go to a hands-on workshop at Lucas's school.  The lady told me on the phone that most 2 year olds (siblings) are able to participate but sometimes they can't stay focused.  I should back this story up.  THIS is a pretty competitive program to get into.  Everyone in the school wants to do the Explora workshops so they hold a lottery for 15 kids to participate.  There are 400 kids in the school.  Lucas was selected.  Whoo HOO!!  Siblings are welcome as long as they are able to participate and not be disruptive.

So there we are.  Eating muffins in the car.  Nick mashed his mini muffin in his hands and pushed it into his seat and said that the muffin was hurting his belly.  So I asked him if he wanted a new muffin that would make his belly feel good.  He ate the second muffin I handed him. 

Then we arrive and start to participate in the workshop.  The activities were engaging and fun and new.  Most kids were engrossed in the fun.  My kids. . . . not so much.  Lucas kept jerking objects out of other kids hands, Nick kept trying to put everything under his shirt and in his pants.  Lucas was deliberately falling off his stool and onto another child who was minding their manners. . . unlike my kids.  I put Lucas in a corner and told him to stay there until he could behave.  He proceeded to jump around and cause a ruckus from his corner.  Then Nick spots a small play area adjacent to where the workshop was held.

"I want play Mommy. I want play!!"  I told him that right now we were playing with all the stuff at our table but we could go play over there in a little while.  "NOW Mommy!! I want play NOW!"

People are looking.  Lucas is bouncing a mirror off the table.  Nick is SCREAMING AND CRYING.

The organizer comes over to offer me snacks for my children.  Maybe that will help?  I told her thank you but they had just eaten and that we were going to make an escape before we caused more disruptions.

She was sweet and told me what to do to finish up the workshop from home.  Painting, more mirror play and some shape sorting.

I get home, pull out the paint and . . . . I can't locate the green paint.  The kids are pissed.  I'm pissed that they have the BALLS to be pissed at me.  Where do they get off??  We paint without green.  Somehow we survive the experience without green.  (FYI - I was informed that mixing yellow and blue is not the same. . .so they say).

They are little dictators.  Little arrogant dictators.

Nick reaches over and paints on his brother's paper.  Lucas freaks out.  Nick gets a warning.  Nick reaches over and pinches Lucas's arm.  Nick is sent to his room.

Nick is allowed out of his room to finish his painting.  Nick paints the chair blue.  Not just a little.  A lot of blue.  Nick gets sent back to his room - screaming and crying.

I make lunch.  Nick feeds the dog the meat from his sandwich.  I was tipped off by the furious yowling cat who did not get any of the meat being handed out.  I get pissed off.  No more meat for Nick.  Consequences suck.  Nick is furious. 

I sent them outside to play.  I hear Lucas yell something to Nick about water.  I wiped the paint from my hands (cleaning up from painting) and walk to the door to see all of the basins around all of my trees over flowing with water.  Nick had lifted a heavy clay pot and manually turned on the irrigation valves.  There was water everywhere. 

I have nothing left to say.  They have been awake for just under 6 hours so far today.  I have another 8 hours left.

I feel like crying.    

This and That

The boys enjoyed a fruit smoothie. 

I also made some more cards last night at a stamp club I joined.  Amy McCollum came up with the ideas and provided all the supplies and equipment so we cut, colored, pasted, and assembled our cards.  It was a lot of fun. 

This big blue butterfly started out as a square piece of grey paperboard.  We cut, colored, embossed, embossed, embossed and then stamped it to make it look and feel like leather.  Very beautiful.

All of the little bits of paper (flowers, leaves, butterflies etc) are things we created last night. Amy teaches us how to do it and then sets us loose to create at will.  The last one with the big flower and green square is a picture holder.  The picture will be wallet sized and fit in the green square. There  is a magnet strip on the back so it can hang on the refrigerator.  I KNOW!!! Great idea Amy! 

A Hike Five Years Ago

This is my sister Stella and Me on our way down to Phantom Ranch in the Grand Canyon.  It was taken in 2005 (pre babies).  We had so much fun on this hike.  The wind was blowing so hard that you can see our hair was standing straight out.  Right after this picture was taken a mule team came along and we had to push ourselves up against the cliff so that they wouldn't bump us over the drop off (probably 500 feet down) behind us.  Stella got blisters and I got sunburned and when we crawled out of the canyon the next day and made it back to the hotel we both collapsed on the bed unable to move our muscles.  We fell asleep in the exact positions that we landed on the bed - not joking. 

Here we are just after we got to the top of the canyon.  We were trying to look relaxed and happy for the picture but please note that we were leaning on the railing for support because our legs weren't functioning anymore.  To rub salt in the wound we were getting passed on the trail by OLD PEOPLE in great shape.  It wasn't so good for our egos.  At one point we even had a boy scout troop pass us. Little smug bastards.  But we were pacing ourselves and ended up by passing most of them later in the day when they had used up their energy and we were still trudging along.

On the way up mule teams with people riding them were passing us and the people were sometimes smacking their mules with crops so that they would keep up with the other mules.  Stella would yell at them to be nice to the animals.  They would glare at her.  She didn't give a damn.  It was funny.

We did it (in JUNE!) and someday I'd like to do it again with her.  Only next time maybe we could aim for early May or late September. . . . .

Frustration at Every Turn

Oh Nick's cute alright but that doesn't make it ok for him to kick me in my diaphragm (hard) as I'm changing his shitty diaper.  And when I put him in time out for it, he yelled at me to "STOP TELLING ME!  STOP ASKING ME MOMMY!!" 

Excuse me??? 

Stop asking me is his way of saying "stop telling me what to do."  Kicking me??  IN the gut??  While I was wiping his ass???  Over the line. . . .waaaayyyyyy over the line.  He was throwing me so much attitude.

Not fifteen minutes later he was ramming his fire truck into my bare foot.  I looked down and told him to stop because it hurt me.  He did it again.  I told him to "Stop that. I don't like it."

He. Did. It. Again. Little Fucker.

I ripped the truck from his hands, and put it on a high shelf.  He put his hands on his hips and told me to "Stop telling me."  He looked me right in my eye and told me to stop ordering him around.


This morning he was eating his cereal from one of those bowls with the built in straws.  He apparently decided he was done and began forcefully blowing his milk - through the straw - and across the table at his brother. 

I walked over, took his bowl, dumped it in the sink and the made him clean up the table while he cried (with tears and everything) about how hungry he was and how he wanted his cereal. 

I'm a real bitch I guess, because I told him that hungry children don't play with their food.

Last night he ORDERED me to get off my own couch because I was sitting in his spot. (Please note that his so-called spot changes every minute from one spot to the next)  "GET UP MOMMY.  GET UP.  MY SPOT.  GET UP!"  I sat there and told him that it was my couch and my house.  I scooted over so he could sit next to me which he eventually did, but only after screaming at me for five minutes. 

I've really had it with this little defiant streak he's going through.  I'm all about promoting his desires for independence but he better learn to treat me and my home with respect. I'd rather he learn now than try to teach a nine year old (or worse a teenager) boundaries.

Yesterday the boys were racing around the living room when Lucas shoved Nick into a table mid-run and caused Nick to get a huge red linear welt across his chest.  Nick recovered from the chest injury and ran and jumped onto the dog bed, slamming his little head into the wall so hard I'm surprised there wasn't a dent.  I kissed that boo boo a BUNCH.  He seemed to recover enough for me to convince him it was time to get in the shower.  I took his little hand and led him into the bathroom and as he walked through the door he walked right into the door jam.  And cried all over again. 

He is just having such a hard time.

And Lucas is being so helpful and sweet lately.  I've heard myths and legends about 4 year olds being a welcome relief from the 2's and 3's (3's are worse than 2's in my experience so far).  And so far the age of 4 is AWESOME.  He is able and willing to be so helpful and sweet.  He helps Nick with his shoes and toys.  Lucas is so thoughtful and caring lately too.  He gives Nick hugs and helps him find his water if he looses it. 

But . . . I still have to get Nick through the 2's and 3's and to be totally honest I'm a little scared. A little voice in my head tells me I haven't seen anything yet.

One of the good things:  The boys scrubbed down my shower a couple nights ago with baking soda and brushes.  They did a great job and I have a clean shower too!  And they seemed happy to help which was nice. 

HELICOPTER OMG!!

So I wish I could have taken photos but I didn't have my camera.  BUT, the local police department were doing training at the police station directly neighboring Olivia's doggie day camp.  Yes, Miss Olivia goes to camp when we go out of town occasionally.  We were picking her up and as we walked outside I saw a bunch of the officers dressed in flight gear?  I know right?  Weird.  THEN I head a helicopter coming, and looked up to see it starting to circle over head.  THEN the lady from the day camp came out and said "OH THEY TOLD US THIS WOULD HAPPEN TODAY!"  So Olivia, Lucas, Nick and I walk over to the fence and watched the helicopter land probably 60 feet away.  WE were closer to it than the officers in flight gear were when it landed.  The boy's hats were blown off from the wind generated from the rotor wash.  Very cool for two little boys (and their Momma too).  Olivia was curious but not impressed.  The loud noise didn't seem to bother her either.

The funny part is that the 4 man flight crew hopped out of the helicopter and stood around while the rotor blades came to a full and complete stop.  This took like 5 minutes, people.  They were talking and spitting and doing very manly things because they were . . . the awesome flight crew and those pansies over there . . . huddled by the parking lot in their brand new flight suits (which probably weren't even their own) because their boss won't let them MOVE until the rotors stop . . . . those dudes are just cops.  IT WAS FUNNY SHIT.  I loved watching the body language because the helicopter dudes were posturing as the "bad asses" and the cops were not too happy to be huddled up like school children who can't control themselves.  And I'm sure some, if not all of the cops had flight experience (military or similar) so they didn't need to be treated like they were a bunch of 3 year olds who were about to run straight into the tail rotor.  It was just very funny. 

Not Much News

Well I don't have much news going on here.  We went to Las Vegas NM while AJ traveled for work up there.  It was a cute little town that has a lot of really cool ollllldddd homes with the big porches under huge sagging trees.  It reminded me of the south a bit.  The city was doing a lot of work to revamp the older neglected neighborhoods and make them beautiful once again.  It was nice to see and I can't wait to see how it looks when they are done. 

We stayed in a historic hotel (complete with it's very own ghost!!) which had been remodeled tastefully to keep with it's original Victorian theme.  Our room had about a 14 foot ceiling and all the furniture was old replica Victorian wooden furniture.  It was very clean and very comfortable.  We ate dinner the first night in the restaurant in the hotel which had good food.  The problem was that the boys were BOUNCING off the freaking walls because they'd been in the car and had all this energy to release.  What a BIG mistake to hope they could sit still in a nice restaurant.  Nick was screeching - and MY GOD does he have a loud, glass-shattering screech.  Lucas was banging silverware together and loudly announcing "is that your butt I smell mommy?" NO it wasn't my butt he smelled but it didn't matter, the damage was done.  Everyone stared in the intimate, quiet dining area.  We were those horrible people who bring young children into a public place and ruin the experience for everyone.  AJ ended up taking them into the lobby until dinner was served. 

We went to Fort Union and walked around out there.  It was a neat area.  The trail took about an hour to walk around.  To wear the kids out I had them race each other to get to the next interpretive sign.  Their little legs would be moving so fast and they'd be huffing and puffing to go faster all the while I was keeping up with them at a comfortable walking pace.  Funny.  When they got tired they loaded up into the stroller for a rest.  We saw lots of birds ( I wish I'd brought my bird book!) and two larger bull snakes.  One of the snakes was hunting frogs caught in a large circular pit.  Very neat to see.  The other snake was catching some rays on the edge of the trail.  The boys and I were able to watch it for quite a while as it tried to figure out what we wanted and why we were staring at it.  Finally it decided to move away from the trail for some more privacy.  The boys loved to see it's tongue dart in and out.  Such a neat and beautiful animal, I'm so glad it let us check it out for so long. 

In other news the boys are now sharing a room.  Lucas's imagination is working at full speed now and he is becoming afraid of monsters and shadows at night.  Every night he'd ask me to stay in his room and "keep an eye on him" so the monsters didn't get him.  We would assure him that his stuffed animals were excellent guardsmen and would fend off any menacing monsters, but he didn't buy it.  So we asked him if Nick could move into his room to keep him company at night.  He readily agreed to a room mate and Nick is thrilled that he gets to spend more time with Lucas.  Nick has graduated to the big boy room in Nick's mind.  And the transition has gone off without a hitch thus far.  Lucas isn't as afraid of monsters because he knows Nick has his back and Nick is so happy to be a big boy that he is being well behaved.  They both giggle and jump from bed to bed playing with each other and then fall asleep where they fall.  It works out great and I'm glad they are becoming part-time friends.  The other part of the time they are fighting but we will gloss over that for now.

Lucas sliced open his hand pretty good with some toddler scissors while cutting paper.  He was really upset at all the blood which was dripping all over my carpet.  I was really upset about my carpet and told him to go bleed in the kitchen while I got him a paper towel.  Once we got the paper towel on his hand he kept taking it off to reexamine the wound and then he'd see more blood and start crying all over again.  We got a band aid on it and I was holding him and jokingly told him not to bleed so much next time.  He thought I was serious and told me that he'd try to not bleed that much again.  I then had to explain that Mommy wasn't serious and then explained what a joke was.  He is such a sweet boy. 

That's it ya'll.  Nothing horribly ground breaking. Have a good weekend!!

You're Lucky I'm Cooking

Tonight AJ and I were joking about how fast our trash can fills up in our kitchen.  He pulls the bag out of the trash can to haul it outside to the big garbage container and as he's walking by he snips "I'll be impressed if the trash can isn't filled back up when I return." 

To which I replied "Hey buddy, you're lucky I'm cooking.  Stop complaining."

JUST as I said this I threw a bunch of potatoes into a fry pan full of hot oil to saute up for dinner.  And the moisture in the potatoes caused a flame to shoot up about (no joke) 18 inches into the air and singed my arm.  I screamed and within seconds of my scream the trusty (and in my opinion, overly sensitive) smoke detector starts deafening us.  And our detectors are all wired together so that they ALL go off together in every room.  

Do ya think AJ would stop to help me fan the smoke detector until it shut the hell up?  Do ya think he'd stop to see if I was mortally wounded by flame?  Nope. He never stopped walking, but instead on his way out the door he calmly said over his shoulder without missing a beat "Don't burn the house down."

And he proceeded to take the trash to the container located next to our garage door.  When he returned he was laughing and asked me "AM I lucky you are cooking?"

AJ finished cooking dinner.

Port-a-potty

As we drove home past the park this morning we saw a port-a-potty being delivered to the park by a big truck with a lift gate.  The boys went APE SHIT because there is a real life port-a-potty and it is IN a truck ON a lift gate WITH a pump attached to the truck to clean it!!!  

I screeched to a stop but I had gone so far past the port-a-potty that they couldn't see it.  But the delivery man noticed my abrupt stop and looked at me for a minute as if I was a total nut job.  Well he ain't seen nothin' yet!

I drove around the block and came into the park's parking lot and stopped next to the port-a-potty.  The delivery man was in his truck by now and the port-a-potty was sitting on the suspended lift gate waiting to be placed on the ground.  I'm pretty sure the man thought I was a stalker and he was staring at us while we stared at his awesome port-a-potty WITH A PUMP OMG!!!!!! A PUMP!!!  WITH HOSES AND EVERYTHING!!!

He came over to my open window as I was pointing to the pump and explaining to the boys what everything was for, and he asked me if everything was alright. 

At this point I had to come clean with the man so at least he would know we weren't stalking him, just the port-a-potty - yeah, because that's less weird, right? 

"My boys really like Port-a-potties and so we had to stop to see this one."

Ummmm.  Silence.  Perplexed look. 

So, I'm just going to guess that this isn't a normal experience for him. . .and I'm also guessing that I am just as crazy as his face expression indicated.

Be Nice

Me:  Nicholas why were you just in time-out?

Nick:  Throwing ball Lucas

Me:  And is throwing the ball at Lucas nice?

Nick:  Yessssss

Me:  Noooooo, it isn't.  You don't throw balls at people, it isn't nice.  Are you going to throw the ball at Lucas again?

Nick:  Yeessssssss

Me:  Nooooo you aren't because it isn't nice. 

Nick:  We'll see

(I'm in deep trouble here people.  SOS!  SOS!!!)