Today we went to another Mom's house for playgroup. Afterward I, being the genius that I am, decided that we would go to Wal-Mart for bananas and a very needed DVD player (ours has died a long tragic death which was hurried along by a toddler wielding a plastic hammer and screw driver).
We get there and Lucas starts having melt downs because it is dangerously close to lunch time, while Nick is having melt downs because it is dangerously close to nap time. Good timing huh? So I bust my ass through the store grabbing everything I need and realized that I had to go to the bathroom SO BADLY!!! Like SOO BADLY!! So into the bathroom we go (thank GOD they had just cleaned it. . .) where I went into the handicapped stall. There I had the privilege of juggling a ginormous 8 month old while I maneuvered my belt off and my pants down. I then got to pee with him on my lap, and attempt to redress myself with one hand all the while being supervised and loudly told what to do by a toddler standing by. He announced to the echoey bathroom (and probably those outside in the layaway section too) that mommy had just gone pee and that I also wiped and now I was flushing. Oh goody.
I decide that it is in every one's best interest to eat at the Subway conveniently located in the friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart. Lucas is such a good little guy and ate his sandwich with little to no assistance from me. Nick on the other hand is tired and wants NOTHING to do with the spoon I am aiming at his mouth. "NO BABY FOOD MA!!" And to make his point he grabs the baby food and throws it into my lap. Nice. So I hand him a Cheeto to shut him up and save my sanity while I wipe the full cup of baby food off of my lap and shirt with the TWO measly napkins they gave me. Ummm Helllllooooooo? Woman with babies = LOTS OF NAPKINS NEEDED!!
Lucas finishes his sandwich and I load him and Nick back into the cart so that we can dash to the register and make our escape. Except that Nick is dropping soggy cheetos on the floor as we go, and I am stopping to pick them up so that some old frail woman doesn't slip and fall on the nastiness. Then Nick starts grabbing for my boobs leaving cheeto streaks down the front of both boobs. Only the boobs. Little baby fingerprints in Cheeto orange on both boobs. Lovely. That will go well with the baby food in my crotch.
Lucas is by this point COVERED from head to toe in Cheeto orange as well and is sitting in the basket of the cart nicely. He is partially buried in boxes of Ziploc bags that I had forgotten that I needed. He is loudly sucking on his fingers to remove the buildup of Cheeto cheese.
I arrive at the register with my hair pulled out of my pony tail because Nick got a hold of it while I picked up a Cheeto and I hadn't had a chance to fix my hair. I clearly haven't had a shower in a day or two, covered in mushy food and cheetos. My kids look like hell as well. Everything I put on the belt to pay for has clearly been touched by Lucas who has left Cheeto cheese behind. The checker gives me a look like "GOD. . . you are one of THOSE mom's." The immaculate woman in front of me who is buying all organic foods gives me a similar look. And I swear Lucas started smacking his lips louder.
When I got out to the car and got everyone loaded I noticed that my fly was open and CRAP I FORGOT THE FREAKIN' BANANAS! Good times.
6 days ago
Don't worry, it's Wal-Mart, you probably blended in just fine!
ReplyDeleteShopping with one by myself is becoming increasingly difficult. I can only imagine two.
And, yes, I also have tried to redress myself in a bathroom while holding a baby. It is not easy.
What a day. After that I was completely exhausted. And Nick is being particularly difficult these days. I keep thinking it is a tooth or SOMETHING but nothing is happening. No tooth, no illness - nothing. I swear he is taking on more and more characteristics of my sister, who I love dearly. But she was a very challenging child.
ReplyDeletemy sister was the more cantankerous of us also.
ReplyDelete