There is this person that I once worked beside and then I worked for. "Greg" and I have loosely stayed in touch through the years. When I knew "Greg" he was in a terribly abusive relationship which he is no longer in. That relationship left him spiraling and mentally ill. I have felt so badly for "Greg", and have wanted to help but I can't help because he lives across the country. All I've been able to do is listen over the phone, for hours and hours. And I have remotely watched the mental illness take hold and shake and thrash Greg so that he no longer knows which way is up. He is on medication but those only go so far. He has lost motivation. The relationship left him feeling worthless and alone, and that is really hard to come back from. It completely paralyzed him.
It got so bad that I couldn't get a hold of him for months and literally had to call every hotel in his town until I tracked him down. I made the hotel clerks continually page his room until he woke up and answered the phone at 3 in the afternoon. He is now homeless (by choice) and forced to retire (with a decent pension) due to his inability to function at work. I know Greg can come back from this. I know that Greg is smart and talented and could find work if only he could pull his life together.
I just got a call from Greg that said that he would like to move to Albuquerque and was hoping to be in my neighborhood. I don't want to live this close to Greg. I have tried to convey to Greg that I am busy and I don't have a lot of free time. Which is true. I can't hold Greg's hand on a daily basis to help him get back on his feet. He remembers the newly married-have-lots-of-time Kristin. He is moving here because he likes it here, has lived here before and thinks this would make a great location for a fresh start.
He was excited because he imagined us looking for homes together. I politely but firmly told him I can't go looking for homes with him because I have two little ones and it is impossible to look for homes with children - I did it for 5 months last year and don't wish to do it again. But my time constraints haven't phased him. He isn't hoping for anything more than friendship because he is gay. So that isn't an issue here. I do consider Greg a friend. We have great laughs together but I also enjoy being able to hang up the phone.
I just don't know what to do. I want to encourage the new start, but I don't want to be leaned on heavily to facilitate the new start. I've already got my hands full. And to be honest I have to protect my own, hard won sanity. How can I help without getting caught up in that situation?
6 days ago
wow that really is a hard sitution! you want to be a good friend but your first priority is your family. i am sure a single person would have no intrest in out neighborhood once they see it! maybe you could email him places that the gblt community are active and he could start from there. if that doesnt work... LIE and say you might be moving! lol i am kidding! good luck
ReplyDeleteThat's a hard situation! I think it would be a good idea to encorage him to move to an area in Albuquerque that isn't too close to you. The downtown area is 'hip and trendy' plus they are really fixing it up to look nice. Or if he's more rugged the East Mountain area might suit him better. That way you guys could hang out from time to time, but not be the go-to neighbor. Sorry Kristin, I know it's hard to spare a friends feelings while trying to do the best thing for yourself.
ReplyDeletehmmmm...short of telling him that ABQ is suffering a devastating cholera outbreak, and he should steer clear, I don't have any awesome advice for you. I vote for steering him towards another neighborhood. I have some familial experience with this situation, a friendship between my mom and another has been totally ruined because they are too close.
ReplyDeleteHope it all goes smoothly for you.
I take it he doesnt read your blog.
No he doesn't read it. I spoke with him tonight and it went as well as it could have. I think he was slightly hurt but I reassured him I would see him often enough, but that I just didn't have all the time I used to have. Tough spot.
ReplyDelete