Timing

Why is it that children have the WORST timing? Today I was coming out of Albertsons and it was unexpectedly snowing and with big fat snow flakes coming down hard! Where the hell did the snow come from??? It had been sunny, like 15 minutes ago!!!

I rushed to the car and the kids were screaming with joy about the freaking cold wet snow at which point Nick takes his shoe off so he can create more havoc in my life. I don't know why the shoe was in his way but it somehow was. Anyway he drops it on the wet slushy nasty dirty asphalt, I bend down to pick it up and expose wayyy too much of my butt crack to not only the cold freezing snow, but also to an old lady who was behind me. I bet she appreciated the show. At least I don't have a tramp stamp.

I pull up my pants and finish the trip to the car when both children pitch a living FIT about getting into the car where it is warm and uh- dry, because they wanted to catch more snow on their tongues. This would normally be something I'd be supportive of, except Miss Kristin was wearing freaking sandals because I adamantly refuse to admit it is still winter. And because I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

So I wrestle both kids into the car, don't strap them in because I want to get my now, soggy paper grocery bags out of the weather before they disintegrate completely and make me expose my ass again as I pick up groceries off the ground. The kids are screaming. LOUD. I'm still getting soaked as I load groceries as fast as humanly possible. I go buckle Lucas in who gives me a horrible look as if to say I'm the worst Mommy ever - it worked. I felt terrible. But not as terrible as my frozen wet toes. Nick fought me practically to the death as I tried to buckle him in.

Picture this: Nick is arching his back and SCREAMING as I try to force him into the seated position so I could buckle him. I had to take my palm and push hard on his pelvis so that he would bend in the middle. It must have looked and sounded like I was really doing something terrible to this kid because I had to brace myself on the door jam to successfully get Mr. Drama into his car seat. The single young couple in the Hummer next to us got a real show.

I get into the car, look in the mirror and realize I didn't close the back hatch of the car, so OUT I go into the FREAKING snow again and close the hatch. My hair was soaked, my feet were really cold and wet, the kids were pissed and all I could think about was that I had to get the hell out of there before the unsympathetic assholes in the Hummer called the cops on me.

I ended up buying the kids a slushy at Sonic to keep them quiet. I told them it was special snow. It worked.