Movie?

What movie does this picture remind you of?

Snow and Clean Potties

We purchased a small potty for Nick who has been insisting on going on a toilet. It seemed like a good idea at first but now he just uses the opportunity to sit and explore his body (*ahem* Supervising this toilet activity should be a Daddy duty!) and not to actually go to pee pee.

It never occurred to me that putting a potty seat into the dishwasher was a gross or even a bad idea. I honestly hadn't considered another way of cleaning it since the water gets so hot and essentially sterilizes everything. However Lucas pointed out that potties don't belong in the dishwasher, and it made me realize that maybe he was right. But in my defense I always thoroughly rinse the potty out and it has only had pee pee in it - never a poo poo. And as a side note: When in the hell did I start talking like a child? Pee pee? Poo poo?


Here is a desperate and successful attempt to entertain the kids with bubbles in the sink. It was too cold out the other day to go outside so we made bubbles in the sink. This incredible fun lasted for over an hour!!!


Nick is all about eating the snow. He was grabbing clumps of it and eating it. So cute.


I had to FORCE this beautiful child to hold still for this picture. But it was worth it.

Crapalanche

I should start by explaining about my former job. For two summers in college I cleaned public restrooms for the National Park Service. It was a great job (no joke). I met AJ while working there and I had a great boss. He was fairly meticulous and would check my work on a regular basis by running a finger along the top of the stalls (looking for dust) or by inspecting the plumbing beneath the sinks to ensure that they were shiny and dust free. I liked the job because I had an incredible amount of freedom to wander around a spectacular National Park mingling with visitors and also because I was able to see the immediate results of a job well done.

As a direct result of this job to this day I am super picky about public restrooms. I look to see if they wipe the walls, scrub the grout etc. I can't stand it when people who maintain public restrooms don't put in a little elbow grease because it makes a huge difference. This little anal retentive streak has carried into my own home where I think nothing of spending an hour in the bathroom cleaning all the little things. Is the handle on the door spotless? Light switch wiped off? Top of the shower curtain rod clean? Water spots removed from shower fixtures? And so on and so forth.

I am not, however, anal about any other place in the house. In fact today I was a terrible victim of a crapalanche. It is like an avalanche but instead all your crap that you have piled up falls on you and traps you. I was trapped in my garage. The kids were in the house where I had left them for TWO SECONDS (I SWEAR TWO SECONDS!) to run out to the freezer in the garage to grab some frozen turkey for dinner. We are making chili in case you were wondering.

Once I unburied myself and was able to crawl out and over all the shit back to the door I discovered that the smallest child, who I'm too pissed at to name, locked the door. I was locked out. Bastard.

I found myself banging on the door and begging Lucas to come unlock the door. He did. Sweet angel that he is. And when I opened the door with my hard won frozen turkey, the child that shall remain nameless was standing there laughing at me. LAUGHING. Grrrrrr.

Here is the scene of the incident. Notice the plastic bins on the right? Those fell on me after the giant mound on the other side of the car (which you can't see) also fell on me. I fell down and was literally buried under all of my crap. This is the kind of thing that happens to hoarders right?? They get buried alive in their homes? Yeah.


After some analysis I have decided that the problem is not that I piled things precariously on top of each other it is that I didn't have enough room to pass by the heaping mounds of crap. I made the mistake of bumping into them and causing them to further destabilize, thus falling on me. In the future I will have to leave more room between the car and the crap.

Brrrrr

It has been cold here. . . .

Move Over Megan Fox

Today I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day - no caffeine needed. So I cleaned the house a little then we went to the store and grabbed some miscellaneous items we need for dinner. I got home and passed by a mirror, glancing in it as I walked on past.

Then I stopped. I backed up. I looked in the mirror again.

And this is what I saw:

STUPID FREAKING HUMIDITY!!!! I have wings. Hell I have a whole flippin' halo of hair surrounding my head. This is what is called a white woman's afro.

And I went into public like this. Walked casually around a store.

Looking. Like. THIS.

Take home lesson: Look into a mirror more often.

Wordless Wednesday

A photo I took back in my hiking days. This is from my "pollinator collection". It sounds so upscale huh? The flower is Centaurea americana and the bee is an unidentified species. I love this photo. And I love insect pollinators. They are so amazing in their diversity.

Grumble Grumble Grumble

Today has been a rough day. Nick is being Nick and Lucas is trying his best to accommodate Nick. Long story short:

• I haven't had much sleep
• Nick hasn't had much sleep
• Lucas is tired of being ignored while I try to pacify Nick (I don't blame him)
  
• I never planned dinner in the chaos of the day
• The house went from clean to trashed in 6 hours flat
• The zipper on my pants won't stay up which makes me feel extra fat
• I need to pay bills - a(freakin)gain!
• AJ is out of town and partying it up tonight with his colleagues at some restaurant
• I haven't talked to a real-live adult for more that 5 minutes today
• It's only Tuesday
  

And the topper:

• I am out of alcohol

I know. Right? The other stuff I can work around as long as I'm able to have a beer at the end of the night. But without the beer I'm a wreck.

Potty Foot

Nick was sitting on the toilet just like I have previously mentioned in another post. I left the room to go get him a new diaper. When I returned Nick had decided to stand up on the toilet. In the process of this acrobatic move he slipped (I guess) and stepped into the toilet. . . . and managed to get his little foot stuck in the hole in the bottom of the toilet.

I heard a suspicious noise and returned to find him standing in the toilet. I didn't know his foot was stuck so I tried to lift him out at which point I realized he was stuck. So I pulled on him again, just to be sure he was indeed stuck - because I'm a slow learner.

And then Nick absolutely freakin' LOST IT. He completely came apart - the world was ending, his foot was lost to the toilet forever, oh my god this is the end of the line for Nick.

I reached into the toilet water and twisted his foot ever so slightly and it was free. Whoo Hooo! Super hero Mom to the rescue. I won't need to order that prosthetic toddler foot after all!

Now Nick suspiciously eyes the toilet and I am now a little paranoid that he is going to forever be in diapers because of his toilet experience.

Zeee Animalll

I've been having a love affair. His name is "The Animal". He is sexy, a bit bulky, purple in places, easy to maneuver and really hard-core tough. He has an amazing hose that is much longer and sturdier than I'm used to. And boyyyy oh boy can he suck. I use him every chance I get. His cord is super long and easily reaches the places I need it to. I'm in LOVE. Seriously IN LOVE.

I even clean him off after I use him because I want him to look pretty for the next time I whip him out. I never thought I would look forward to vacuuming, but I do.



Isn't he beautiful? A real specimen.
Thanks Mom and Dad for the amazing Christmas gift.

Today

Things I've screeched today:

• Noooo! Don't hand me your poop! GO put it in the toilet! Ahhhhh Jesus!
  
• Nick get off the counter!
• Nick don't sit on your brother's face!
• Nick get out of the litter boxes!!! DAMN IT!!! AJJJJJ!!!!
• Nick go help your Dad scrub off the marker you put on the cabinets.
• Lucas stop pushing out farts in the (bath) tub!
  

Things I've thought about today:

• One day Lucas is going to poop in the bathtub on accident because he's trying to make fart bubbles.
  
• I don't remember doing this to my parents.
• Why did he take his diaper off and let a turd roll out?
• Should I shampoo the carpet again now that it's had a turd on it?
• What am I going to do with AJ gone all next week?
• How am I going to keep Nick out of the Emergency Room?
• Where did that pile of dirty laundry come from????
  

Boring Updates

Mr. Lucas is so hard to get a picture of lately because he hides. And a smiling picture is even more rare. Lucas is getting very good with his speech lately. He is really going through a spurt where he is applying what they are teaching him at school. I am excited to report that he is using his final consonants more than ever and is using s-blends more consistently.

Here is the normal look I get when he is on camera. Still cute. He was sitting on the counter top making shakes for dessert with his Daddy.

This is Nick playing with the train table Grandma got the boys for Christmas. AJ and I made a special trip to Toys R Us today to get additional pieces. AJ and I play with the trains more than the children do and so the additional pieces were a top priority for us (the parents). The kids don't seem to care about the intricacies of track laying, however it is a big deal for us adults. We are trying to maximize the use of space on the table while also having a fun and user friendly layout of track. We have concluded that building up (bridges, spirals and mountains) will increase the fun . . . . for us anyway.

This is how I found Nick yesterday. Somehow he climbed onto the bathroom counter top. I think he used the drawers as a ladder. He was squirting soap all over the place when I found him (as you can see). He was super f-ing pissed when I washed his soapy hands off and made him get down off the counter.





















In retaliation, today he got a hold of a marker (thank GOD I banished all permanent markers long ago) and decorated my counter tops and cabinets. AJ swears he was watching him but didn't see this happening 4 feet away from where AJ was standing. I actually believe him because Nick is really good at getting into trouble when you are standing right there. He is just extra quiet about his activities.
















WHO? ME???





















I've been FRAMED!!!

To entertain Nick, since he is so prone to finding trouble, I have him help me wash dishes as seen below. However I left the room briefly for a potty break and came back to find Mr. Innocent standing on my counter top. So. I am not sure what to do about all of this. I might have to string razor wire across the counter tops and the tops of the baby gates.

Mommy Moment #2654

I'm tired. Nick had us up all night with teething issues.

Nick wanted some lemonade (sugar free for those who care). I get him a sippy cup and am holding the lid in one hand and the cup in the other. I set down the cup, lift up the lemonade container and pour the lemonade into the lid.

I made a huge mess. You would think that I'd realize there was a problem when the lemonade went EVERYWHERE wouldn't you? Nope. I stood there staring at the lid astonished that it wasn't holding the lemonade like I expected it to do.

What the hell is wrong with this?? And then it hit me. I needed to hold the cup and POUR the lemonade into the cup for this whole process to work.

And now as I type this Nick has put the basin of his potty on top of his head. Yup the learning potty that they actually use. It's now on top of his head. Great.

Good Neighborly Fun

I have a neighbor who is a complete jerk. I would use a stronger word but I'm trying to reserve those for special occasions. His wife is great, like her a lot. He is strange. He won't say "Hi" when you wave and say "hi". He won't carry on any sort of conversation and is down right rude. Seriously rude. It is almost like he is so uncomfortable being polite and giving a courteous "hi" that he just ignores your existence entirely.

The other day I was in my driveway playing with the kids and he walked in front of the house on the sidewalk. He refused to acknowledge me in any way despite my friendly and LOUD greeting.

I have a lot of tolerance for odd personality quirks and such, but this is just rudeness.

So I've decided to have a little fun with it. Lately every time I see him I walk up to him, stand in front of him and attempt to carry on a conversation. He hates this. A LOT.

And I don't care. (insert evil cackle here)

Freaking Out Because I Can

I have been postponing the dentist visit for like 8 months now. My last visit was last spring. Since my last visit I had broken a tooth and was horribly upset by this. I didn't want to deal with it I just wanted to ignore it and wish it away. And that worked except that every time I bit into a hard or crunchy object I would panic and assume that more teeth were breaking, falling apart and Holy Shit the worst case scenario. . . I need dentures.

You think I'm kidding but I'm not. I truly had blown this whole thing up in my head and I really believed that I was going to need a minimum of three root canals (I had identified the teeth) and several caps. Oh and they may need to remove the broken tooth entirely because I had postponed going to the dentist for so long. I was looking at thousands of dollars and how are we going to feed the children because of my dental bills. . . how selfish of me to go to the dentist and spend that kind of money. . . I better postpone it for another couple months.

I finally forced myself to go because somewhere amidst all the irrational thoughts a rational one seeped in and that thought was this: My teeth issues aren't going away. I need to deal with them before they get worse and more expensive.

So I went. I sat in the chair and explained confidently to the technician taking the x-rays which teeth she really needed a good look at because I HAD MAJOR ISSUES. She looked at me strangely but I assumed that she was impressed with my grasp on my dental issues.

I'll save you a long story and cut to the chase: When I paid my bill as I left the dentist it totaled $35.87 after our insurance paid the rest. We don't have fabulous insurance. I just am a panic-y nut job who freaked out for nothing. My teeth are fine, they fixed the broken one and saved my fragile ego by explaining that two close pregnancies, and 2 full years of breastfeeding combined with a moderate (3 a day) diet coke habit weakened my teeth. I'm weaning myself off the Diet Coke and am so thankful I don't need a full set of dentures.

Today I go in for a cleaning and then I am back on a 6 month dental cleaning schedule. Whew. Relief.

I really need to learn to chill out a little.

Band Aid

Lately Nick gets tiny, invisible owwies and comes to me with one of his little fingers extended saying "Ba AA, Baa Aaaa!"

I've tried to tell him that he only gets a band aid when there is blood but he doesn't care about the rules. He cares about the mighty healing power of the omnipotent band aid.

So yesterday I whipped out yet another spider man band aid and very carefully wrapped it around a teeny tiny finger that was less than an inch long. Suddenly the invisible, life threatening injury was healed. The teeny tiny finger was saved!! And all was right in the world again.

Come on Over Anytime!

(Note: We live in a neighborhood where the houses are packed together and we have cinder block fencing that carries sound up and out of your yard so that people several houses away can hear your backyard activities.)

All summer long we could hear them. They had parties on their back patio and we could hear them outside when it was warm out. They seem to really enjoy life and getting to know their neighbors. When the sweet smell of BBQ would waft into our bedroom window at night and we always knew they were outside, enjoying life. It didn't bother me at all. I thought it was nice that people were enjoying their yard and getting some fresh air. AJ and I enjoy sitting on the patio and being outside and can relate.

Then I heard the gossip. Swingers. A couple of neighbors several houses down claimed to have partied with them and said that once the alcohol got flowing and people relaxed things. . .happened. And some of the gossip had some rather sinister undertones that I won't repeat here. That's just what the neighbors said anyway. I can't verify the gossip one way or the other.

BUT. I can tell you this: The dude stopped to talk yesterday while I was examining my trees for possible pruning. He is creepy. I was staying objective because I don't give a damn what they do in the privacy of their own home. I don't care one way or the other. But he was indeed creepy. He is an old hippie who clearly tripped his way through Woodstock. He started asking odd questions. Am I married? Is my husband a big dude? Do I party?

So during this encounter I have shoved the horrible gossip to the back of my brain and deliberately turned off the part of my brain screaming "CREEPPPPYYYY!!!" because I was hell-bent on trying to be objective and give the dude the benefit of the doubt. Oh and did I mention that I'm stupidly naive and deserve a swift kick in the ass? When he asked me if we party, I told him I like to party every now and again (ie; yes). Immediately after the words left my mouth I realized what he meant by the question. He didn't want to know if we partied. He wanted to know if we partied. He got a big old creepy grin on his face and said "Niiicce".

I.

SAID.

YES!!!!!

Oh dear GOD what have I done? What trouble has my big blabber-y mouth gotten me into now?

Then he says "If you ever need anything just come on down and let yourself in the back door!" he told me. No joke. That is what HE SAID.

I must have turned bright red and then I fumbled to tell him that NO I couldn't possibly let myself in unannounced and then I said some lame ass thing about knowing how to use a doorbell.

I excused myself and went in to check on Lucas who was napping.

And truly? Are swingers even around any more? Is that something people actually do?? I thought this was something that died out in the early eighties when Cocaine came into popularity and LSD use was simmering down.

Anyway. I was approached by a Swinger. And I said yes - sort of. Ahhhh shit.


P.S. I haven't even warned AJ about my encounter yet. I know he'll make fun of me and I'm just not ready for that.

So Funny I Cried

I just found the funniest post by amalah located here.

Seriously. FUNNY SHIT.

True Colors

Today I saw someone's true colors. They weren't pretty.

I don't ever want to be like that.

Monthly Card Club

Once again I got my craft on with the ladies. Amy McCollum set the whole thing up and comes up with the ideas. It is fun to learn something new and totally foreign. For example you will notice that two of the cards below have ribbons with a knot tied in them. My fingers are so fat and dumb that I had to have another Mom TIE A FREAKING KNOT IN A RIBBON!! That is what we are dealing with here people. I can't even do a knot. But I managed to pop these cards out with Nick sitting in my lap diligently "helping" me stamp, and cut etc. . .

I'll try to post my cards each month. I really like how they turn out and it is nice to be able to send hand made cards to people. I feel so homey. And it feeds into my fantasy of being the perfect housewife. Hee Hee.

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger? I think I accidentally signed up for the trial blogger and am having a hell of a time getting my photos to show up on my post. It is not loading from Picassa well at all. Anyone? Anyone with me on this? If so I need help to go back to the normal blogger without problems because I'm loosing hair rapidly while trying to figure this out.

My heart was backward. Oops.

This one is a card inside a little envelope that I made.



This one is a cool 3D type thingie-mer-bober. It was tricky for me to do this one but I pulled it off.

Flowin' with da fiber

Lack of fiber has really set Lucas back in his toilet training so last night I made fiber cookies. Fiber should be fun. And these "babies" have loads of fiber. If they don't do the trick next time I will go for a more hearty flour selection to really do the job. The recipe I followed is sooooooo yummy that I haven't even noticed the fiber in the cookies like you would expect.

And I had lots of help making the batter, testing the batter and then measuring the scoops for the baking sheet. There is so much for kids to do when you bake. I love it. It is my favorite way of entertaining them when I am at my wits end.

Here's the recipe ( I did wheat flour and added wheat germ to the recipe too):
Servings: 60 cookies (5 dozen)

1 cup (2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
2 1/2 cups QUAKER OATS (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

PREHEAT oven to 375° F.

BEAT butter and sugars in large bowl until creamy. Add eggs, milk and vanilla extract; beat well. Add combined flour, baking soda and salt; mix well. Stir in oats, morsels and nuts; mix well. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased baking sheets.

BAKE for 9 to 10 minutes for a chewy cookie or 12 to 13 minutes for a crisp cookie. Cool on baking sheets for 1 minute; remove to wire rack to cool completely. Store tightly covered.

A Public Bathroom Experience

We are in a public bathroom, specifically the handicap stall.  The minute I lock the door Nick starts grabbing his crotch and screaming at me "otty!  Otttttyyyy!"

I reach up pull down a toilet seat cover and cover the seat, then I turn to unbutton Nick's pants and remove his diaper so he could "go".  In the mean time the automatic toilet flushes without warning and sweeps the seat cover off the seat and down down the drain.  But fear not folks because Lucas is really fast and was able to save the seat cover from the terrible fate of going down the drain.  He snatched the soaking wet paper seat cover out of the toilet water and held it up for me to see.  I was stunned and unable to react fast enough to stop this.  I had a toddler diaper in one hand and his pants in the other.  (I should mention that Lucas worries endlessly about things going down the sewer that aren't supposed to go down the sewer.  It is a big concern for him.)

After getting that cleaned up we put a new cover on the seat and tried again.  This time Lucas was very attentive to the seat cover not touching the water so that it wouldn't get swept away again.  Nick of course did not pee, but he was satisfied with the opportunity.  All that for nothing.  Then Lucas went potty while Nick decided to drop to the floor and look under the stall next to us where a woman had been sitting listening to the entire ordeal.  I grabbed Nick fast, but I think she saw him. 

Then it was my turn.  And this is how that experience went:
"LUCAS CLOSE THE DOOR!!  I am not done you leave the stall closed until Mommy is DONE!!" 

"But Mommy I need to wash my hands. . .Nick needs to wash his hands"

"We will wash hands but JUST WAIT.  CLOSE THE DOOR GOD DAMN IT!!!"

They should make a spray that you can carry with you in your purse, like Lysol, that you can use to disinfect children head to toe after these types of experiences.  Unfortunately this is not an isolated incident. 

Houston, We Have A Problem

Nick wore a pair of Lucas's 3T jeans all day and they fit well enough for me not to notice.

Things I Can't Change

Lucas. I love that kid. He is so sweet and so caring and I am so proud of who he is. However there are some things about him that worry me. He is so rigid and very . . . . anal. Things have to be just so with him.

Today my some of the ladies and their kids from my Moms group came to the house for a meeting about next months activities. From the moment people came into the house Lucas totally blocked out his surroundings. I had left Dora on TV so that kids could watch it if they wanted, and Lucas pulled a chair up close to the TV and sat there 2 feet away from the TV watching Dora while a bunch of (at least 10) kids his age ran around playing with toys and having fun. Lucas was the only kid that didn't play. This went on for an hour and a half. He just couldn't cope with the chaos. He just can't socialize at all. It breaks my heart.

Every once in a while he would turn around in the chair and yell at me over the noise about something going "wrong" with the train table that the kids were playing with. He didn't like that they were rearranging the tracks. I think that is a normal response to people playing with your toys - and it made me think that at least he is noticing his surroundings. However he didn't get off the chair and he never played with a single kid.

Tonight in the court all the neighborhood kids were playing with their toys and Lucas kept standing in front of the bicycles and the kids driving trucks because he wanted to "fix" their vehicles. These kids wanted to ride their bikes and play and Lucas kept physically stopping them so he could pretend to fix stuff on their toys. He keeps doing this. I've noticed that the kids avoid him now. They don't want to play with him because he is "weird" as I heard one kid say. I keep trying to explain to him what is going on and how to play but he doesn't seem to understand.

I remember as a kid when I had social problems it ripped my Mom's heart out of her chest because all she wanted to do was make the hurt go away for me. And I am beginning to understand what that feels like. Some things you just can't fix or change. I know it hurts him that he isn't accepted. He doesn't understand why the kids don't want to play and be around him. And I can't help him.

Diaper Failure

Some loads are just too much for the mighty Huggies. Today while at Costco Nick tested their capacity and managed to foul up the shopping cart, his pants and the seat in my shiny new vehicle.

I haven't had any issues with diaper failure in at least a year. This took me off guard. I was totally unprepared and found that I didn't have wipes, or a change of clothes for Nick. AJ went into Costco and purchased a HUGE box of wipes, which we will use anyway, because of the emergency we found ourselves in. I filled up a Walmart plastic bag by the time the event was straightened out. Nick no longer had any pants to wear though. And we still had shopping to do.

I suggested we run over to the second hand store (where I have store credit) and get him some pants. Once we got there we saw that they were closed until NOON on Sundays. ARGH!! That summed up our whole morning. Every store we went to was closed until really late in the day because it was Sunday. For those of us who don't attend church services this is a major pain in our booty's. But I can understand people wanting time to attend church. . . it just sucks for us because Nick didn't have any pants and it was maybe 35 degrees out.

I really need to plan better.

Cooking Confidence

Yesterday the smoke alarm went off because I forgot that I was cooking grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids. I walked away and forgot. The other day I left the stove on . . . all night. The flame went out because the stove was on low and so the entire house filled with gas overnight. It was scary and horribly dangerous. It took several hours of open windows, open doors and fans running to air the house out - and it was 28 degrees outside.

Today I decided to attempt to rebuild my confidence in the kitchen by baking a very easy pie. I got the recipe from weight watchers and it had a picture so I couldn't go wrong. Plus the kids needed something to do or else I was going to kill them. Baking it was. The picture below looks super good huh? Not too hard. Fruit pies are easy, I've made a ton of them.



Not so appealing huh? And it looks NOTHING like the picture said it would. I think I went wrong when I substituted apricots for peaches. I had frozen apricots from this last summer that I had frozen with the intent of making jam. So I had cut them fairly small. That is where I went wrong I think. They were too small.



Mmmm. What the hell Kristin? What. The. Hell. So much for confidence rebuilding.



I also wanted to cook the turkey breast I had in the fridge before it went bad. But suddenly I realized that the meal I had planned was in jeopardy because of the FUGLY pie in the oven. So I remember this episode of KENDRA (from girls next door - you know it's bad when I get cooking advice from a ditzy playboy model) where she stuck the thanksgiving turkey in the crockpot. Genius. So in it went. It wasn't too bad but I prefer the oven method better.

Lucas Learns A New Word

I'm going to a pedicure party tonight. At dinner I was giving AJ the rundown on who needs what and why - because I wasn't going to be home to help him with bed time. "Lucas can stay up later because he took a big nap and Nick needs to go to bed earlier because he had an early nap that was also short. Oh - and don't forget baths tonight because Nick's ass stinks."

I knew the minute I said it I was in trouble.

Sure enough Lucas, in his sweet innocent little person voice, pipes in with: "And I need a bath too Daddy because my ass stinks too. . . and Nick's ass stinks . . . and Mommy needs a bath because Mommy's ass stinks. I haven't smelled Olivia's ass but her ass might stink too Daddy. . . ." and on and on he went. He had no idea it was a bad word, he just knew that he learned a NEW word and was trying it out in every possible way he could. I was laughing so hard I nearly expelled a carrot from my nose. As a result I couldn't get enough air to catch my breath long enough to stop Lucas from trying out his new word. The more he talked the harder I laughed.

Finally I recovered enough to tell Lucas that Mommy used the wrong word and that I should have said that Nick's butt stinks. To which Lucas responded with "Ohhhh. Mommy used the wrong word Daddy, she meant to say butt not ass. Ass is the wrong word. . ." and on and on he went.

So here are my beautiful, innocent boys today. Before their Mommy corrupted them.

Privacy Please

Toilet curiosity. He sees us and his brother doing it so he wants to do it too. Lucas went through this phase at this age too and right after I got my hopes up he decided he was done with the toilet. Nick has been pee pee successful about 50% of the time. In fact before we change each diaper he wants to go sit on the potty. It is a pain but I roll with it because I want to encourage him to go in the toilet. He even has gone poo poo twice. I think the poo poo thing was more of an accident than intentional but I'll take what I can get. Seriously though the cutest thing is watching him "assume the position" after the toilet. You know, the one with his head on the ground and his butt in the air so I can clean his bottom. So SO SOOOO cute. I'm used to Lucas doing it but seeing such a little guy do it is too much.

Every time Lucas goes Nick goes. Today that meant I had to let Nick try to go pee in the public bathroom at the library. He is too short to reach the toilet so I have a special position I put him in so he can reach and not contaminate his whole body with nasty bathroom germs. He wasn't successful but had I refused to let him try he would have made a HUMONGOUS scene in the very quiet library. But on the flip side I'm getting really good at diapering him standing up!

Common Sense We Don't Have

We are idiots and this is why:

We needed to paint the living room. So we said to each other: Let's do it after dinner and the kids can help. Ok? See? You know this is a stupid as hell idea. Why didn't we?

We put the kids in paint clothes and they jumped right in ready to help. We quickly realized that we weren't going to accomplish anything but create a HUGE mess and lots of frustration.
I turned my back to wipe paint off of Nick's arm because he stuck it onto the painted wall and Lucas climbed the ladder and dipped the roller into the paint tray while I wasn't looking. And I swear it happened so fast - anyway he flung paint onto my carpet.

I bent down to clean the carpet and Olivia came over to lick my face and get in my way which made me even more frustrated. So I stood up and AJ thought I was frustrated with him so we started bickering about how he disappeared for 5 minutes and left me juggling kids and paint. Meanwhile Olivia stuck her nose and tail into the paint and then onto my couch and recliner. So now my furniture is "adobe white" in places.

Then AJ got a little paint onto the window and exclaimed without thinking: "Oh Shit!"
Lucas followed up with: "Oh SHIT Daddy! Oh shit!"

Then Lucas climbed the ladder AGAIN after we threatened him with death (not really but it was a stern warning). Instead of following through with our threat we decided to tell the kids we were all done painting and stick them in the shower.

I helped AJ clean up the messes in the living room while the boys were playing in the shower. I like the shower because I don't have to supervise them 100% of the time. I can leave for a minute or two and them come back. Or so I thought.

I returned to check on the boys and Lucas had fed Nicholas the shower play soap that Grandma (AJ's Mom) had given them for Christmas. It was toy soap that you can mold and play with in the bath or shower. It is messy and the kids love it. Except now Nick had a mouthful of it and was upset. Anyway. He started crying and wanted to get out of the shower except I still had to rinse his body and mouth off. It was a complete cluster (insert F-word).

We got the kids in bed finally and finished painting the living room. Which is what we should have done to begin with. So learn from my idiotic mistake: NEVER, EVER, EVER paint ANYTHING you care about with children helping. You will regret it.

Today the boys were ready to help again, here are the boys "helping" Dad put new guts into the toilet. This is a much more manageable project. I think we will stick to these types of projects in the future.

Here are the boys laughing at me while I tried to tickle them.

Here is my little book worm.

This is how I accomplish things around the house. Give the kids beans and various sized tools to scoop with. This fun lasted for a full hour.

Lucas helped stir the french toast eggs and Nick felt left out, so AJ gave Nick water with parsley flakes in it to stir. He was perfectly happy that he was able to help.

Brothers

Awwww. Aren't they just so darn cute?? This is what I live for. The two of them getting along. Being good. Not fighting, biting, spitting, hitting or kicking.

I asked Nick to take his pacifier out of his mouth for the pictures and Lucas reached up and did it for him. Nick didn't protest he just smiled. Lucas held onto the pacifier and then put it back into Nick's mouth when I was done. Once again: Awwww!!

On a side note: the hitting and shoving resumed shortly after I got these shots. If I'm not fast with the camera then I miss these fleeting moments.