Is AJ Home Yet?

Lucas woke me up at 5:20am by throwing open my curtains in my bedroom and letting in the little bit of light that was starting to fill the sky.  He told me in a jolting loud voice that the sun was coming up and he was hungry.  I told him it was way too early for him to be up and to go back to bed.  He climbed into bed with me and asked me to turn on cartoons. 

Previously Nick had come into my room at 2:00am (not 2:01am but exactly 2 am.) and was crying.  I pulled him into bed and then after he calmed down I returned him to his own bed.  At some point after that while I was deep in a sleep deprived coma, he must have climbed back into bed with me because I vaguely remember him thrashing around beside me.  And then I fully woke up when he began snoring in my ear with his mouth hanging open and drool all over my pillow.  It was really cute and I was afraid to move him to his own bed again because if he woke up I'd be screwed.

This morning Nick insisted on going outside in his pajamas.  I was happy to let him go as long as I didn't have to use brain power to entertain him.  I went outside to empty the baby pool so there wouldn't be a drowning hazard and then came back inside.  Next thing I know a muddy brown Nick - from head to toe - shows up at the back door.  His pajamas weren't red anymore they were dark brown with mud.  He had fallen face first into the mud and was FILTHY.  I stripped him down and sent him back outside naked, at 7:30 am.

I sense that today will be about survival.  And as usual AJ is out of town and sleeping soundly in a hotel room. 

So Are We Friends or Not?

Ha!!  I am seriously laughing out loud.  Today I found out that one of my "friends" on Facebook selectively blocks me from posts.  I am only privileged enough to be allowed to see certain ones.  And it is HYSTERICAL to me. 

Am I a friend or not?  Am I good enough to see your posts or not?  And if not, why the heck are we "friends"?  Because truly, I don't have time for that crap.  I just don't have time to edit each and every post based on who is special enough to see what I write.  And I'm not gonna make time either, because I've got some laundry that needs to be folded, and dinner that needs to be made and kiddos that need another hug and kiss.  Funny.  I love it when people let me see little snippets of who they really are.  It makes me smile in a evil Grinchy sort of way. 

Boobies

Lucas announced tonight that when he grows up he will be getting his boobies.  And he is really excited to get boobies.  I tried explaining the whole "only women get breasts" thing but he insists that he is already a big boy and soon his boobies will grow.  There is no talking him out of it.  He knows this will happen and Mommy is just plain wrong. 

Kids are funny!

I'm Back

We survived a camping trip with the boys and our "new" trailer.  It took us a total of ten hours to arrive at Yuba State Park in Utah where we met AJ's family.  We broke the trip into two days, day one: 6 hours to Moab, UT and on day two another 4 hours to Yuba.  The boys did soooo well in the car I was really amazed.  While in Moab we stayed at a completely full KOA campground.  We had never stayed in a commercial RV park before and were horribly underwhelmed.  Why do people pay $40 a night for this?  We were crammed into slots that were about 12 feet wide.  We were packed in with other RV's like sardines and we could hear everyone VERY well.   We were deprived of sleep due to the noises coming from the "resort" around us.  It was awful.  A Wal-mart parking lot would have been preferable.

(On the way home we stayed in Moab for two nights and visited Arches National Park which was amazing.  You would think we learned our lesson at the KOA but noooo, we elected to stay at another RV "resort" that was supposed to be better than the KOA.  And it was not any better.  We had to turn on our AC unit on the RV to block out the sound of the dude in the next camp site (4 feet away from our heads) zipping up his sleeping bag and blowing his nose.  It was fancy.  Never again.  I mean it this time.)

We got up early the on day two and hit the road.  Thankfully Yuba was a gorgeous lake with spectacular views.  The campground was full, but spaced out so we didn't feel crowded.  And the showers and restrooms were clean and in good condition.  I can't say enough good things about our experience here.  The kids had fun and got to know their cousins better. 

Now for the drama:  While we were unhooking the trailer to set up we became "those newbies" that everyone gathers to not-so-secretly watch set up camp.  The trailer hitch fell off the block and began to roll (NOT GOOD!!) Thankfully the wheel chalks stopped it.  At this point AJ and I had a clenched teeth "meeting" in the center of our site because I had told him NOT to do what he did and now LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.  My "I told you so" angry attitude did not help the situation at all.  He managed to get the trailer back onto the vehicle and reposition it on the leveling blocks.  Then I had to get my two cents in about how to NOT cause the trailer to roll again, which AJ just LOVED to hear.  This resulted in another clenched teeth "meeting" in the campsite much to the delight of the neighbors who must have taken great pleasure in watching the angry body language and frustrated gestures.  The neighbors set up CAMP CHAIRS TO WATCH US.  Yes that is right.  We provided loads of entertainment for at least two campsites full of people.  For an hour and a half. 

Part of the entertainment we provided free of charge: Nick pooped all over the place and fought me to the death when I tried to change his diaper.  Olivia was bouncing off the god-damned walls trying to release energy after two days of being in the car.  The boys found the shut off valves to the sprinkler system as if they have freaking RADAR for plumbing and it was all I could do to keep them away from it and ended with me yelling and threatening them with death.  Nancy was supposed to be coming in behind us but missed the turn in her massive RV and called me to vent and ask me what to do.  She wanted AJ to meet her at the entrance so that she wouldn't get into a situation where she couldn't back out with the massive RV.  I was trying to talk to her and give her better directions, keep Lucas away from the plumbing to the entire campground, keep AJ from killing himself while attempting to level the freaking trailer, clean Nick's poopy ass, and keep the dog from giving me a reason to beat the crap out of her.  And I was doing the pee pee dance because my needs were dead last in this line up.

It all worked out.  AJ got his Mom's tow car disconnected, and got her backed into her site while I watched two of my nieces that traveled with her.  Then he was able to come finish at our site (incident free) so that I could get into the trailer and change Nick, get the kids snacks and start to unpack.  It was a tense afternoon but once I got hold of a beer my mood improved significantly. 

The rest of the vacation went great.  It was so good to see Christina, Nancy and Steve.  The kids loved playing together and they really loved playing in the water. 

Nick landed face first on the trailer hitch which was a bloody mess, but thankfully his teeth are intact.  Lucas fell out of Aunt Christina's trailer and landed on top of his head.  That too, was a little bloody but I'm quickly learning that just because there is a lot of blood doesn't mean there is a serious injury.  Head wounds just bleed a lot.  So until I am able to get a good visual on the injury I am learning not to panic.  I managed to jam my big toe and bleed all over the trailer.  I thought I had broken it at first but I can bend it and the bruising is minor so it is really just a nasty flesh wound. FYI: somewhere in our trailer is a big old chunk of my toe that we never found so if you ever camp with us - keep a look out for that (haha!).  All these injuries made me realize that our first aid kit needs to be beefed up a bit.  Ice packs, trauma pads and non-stick gauze are on the top of the list to add to the kit. 

On the last day at Yuba we got to watch another couple argue and fight over how to handle their trailer.  It was nice to not be the only dumb asses making a spectacle of ourselves in the campground for all to see.  We pulled up lawn chairs and just watched them fight to get their trailer hooked to their truck.  It was funny.  But they weren't nearly as entertaining as we had been.  We like to set the bar high here in the Johnson camp.

Enter the Dog

True confessions of an overly tired and under paid housewife:

Nick was eating a hotdog with ketchup at the table.  He kept standing up in his chair and I kept ordering him to sit down.  Over and over.  And finally, I knew it would happen, he made a mess with the hotdog and ketchup.  It was all over him.  His legs, his face, his hands.  Everywhere. 

I was about to BLOW.  I was super pissed that I was going to have to clean up another mess.  My eyes darted around the room looking for a reason - a distraction to keep me from completely loosing my cool.  There it was.  I saw my reason.  She was sleeping over by the door. 

Enter the Dog: Miss Olivia.

I called her over and she efficiently and thoroughly licked every speck of ketchup off of Nick's hands, legs and face. Yes that's right I said face.  Nick thought it was the best thing ever and giggled and squirmed as she tickled and licked him and Olivia thought it was great that she was allowed to get a taste of ketchup.  I just was thrilled that I didn't have to clean up the latest mess of the day.  It was a win-win.

A Day in the Life

Things I've actually said today:

• Stop fighting! You both can somersault together.
• Get off the dog.  GET OFF THE DAMN DOG!!!
• We shower because no one likes a stinky butt.
• You ARE getting in the shower because you DO have a stinky butt.
• Be nice to the ant, he has important things to do today.
• No I did brush his hair today.  It is naturally like that.
• It isn't nice to drive your truck over his foot, look he's bleeding.  You should apologize.
• Get off the hood of the car NOW.
• Don't make me beat you (said jokingly and met with laughter from both kids)
• Next time you are both going to wear bike helmets!
• I don't know if a spider can throw up.  I've never seen a spider throw up, have you?

Not Good

Well. 

I just found out that my community crime information can be found at this site when I type in my zip code.  So I did it and discovered that a man convicted of sexually assaulting a child lives on the hill above me and overlooks my backyard.  Where my kids and I hang out on a daily basis.  Not that I'm panicking or anything but that little piece of info is good to know. . . .don't ya think? 

Hmmm.  Not the best news I've had today, but it is very good to know.

Oh - and he wasn't there a year ago or even 6 months ago when I checked. 

Pissing Match

Nick scared the heck out of me when I caught a glimpse of his feet.  As it turns out AJ had re-labeled his socks with a purple pen. . . because Nick and Lucas are just about in the same sized clothing and I can't tell whose drawers get what clothing. Lucas is in the 50th percentile for height and weight and Nick is in the 95th for height and 25th for weight. 

And this little GEM of a photo is Lucas posing willingly for a picture and Nick coming at him with his tongue sticking out so that he can spit into Lucas's hair.  I'm not proud people.  Not proud. 













As you can see Lucas doesn't seem to mind this at all.  In fact he (I'm cringing at this admission) loved it and thought it was funny as hell.  He turned and returned the spitting favor by rubbing saliva on Nick's leg.  They both loudly said "EWWWWW!" and giggled about how gross they were being.  Ummm.  FYI.  I don't condone this and am not sure what other tactics I can use to discourage this.  I've tried it all.  And they still love spit.  LOVE SPIT.  Gawd.

I'm about to make wide (and probably false) assumptions about differences in boys and girls but these are just my observations of late - I don't remember ever doing this sort of thing with/to my sister.  When we grew up, sure, we played with mud and climbed trees and I was by many measures a tomboy.  But I don't remember tackling Stella, or spitting on her and sharing a hearty laugh over how disgusting we were.  I vaguely remember some of my (many) male cousins doing and enjoying these things.  I am wholly unfamiliar with boy behavior and think that this type of thing will get them ostracized by other kids.  AJ on the other hand says that I am fighting an uphill battle that I am eventually going to loose.  Boys are naturally gross.  Mine like to identify the types of food they ate in their vomit and feces.  They spit on each other and love it.  They get down on their hands and knees behind the dog and watch the poop coming out of her butt while going "ewwww!".  They are gross.  I love them, and cherish them but they are very different than what I am familiar with.  Am I fighting a loosing battle by trying to civilize them enough that they don't rub body fluids on each other?  I wasn't going to share this but I caught them trying to pee on each other across the toilet bowl the other day. They were apparently both using the toilet at the same time and decided to see if they could "make it" to the other side where the brother was standing.  I heard all the giggling and investigated, where I discovered the pissing match.  I hope I find humor in this in several years.

Them Crazy Swingers

Them Crazy Swingers.  They are blaring their hippy music having a big old party over there.  Good for them.  Livin' life to the fullest, right?  And that Puff the Magic Dragon song they kept playing didn't mean anything right?  Ha!  Puff away my friends.  Puff away! 

I'm getting to know them a bit more and they are pretty cool.  You know.  They didn't seem to mind that Nick was once again buck naked running around the yard grabbing himself and attempting to pee on everything in sight - not unlike a male dog does.  Try and put clothes on this kid.  I dare ya.  It will be the biggest fight of your life guaranteed.  No.  They didn't seem to mind the nudity and genital grabbing at all.  No judgment from them.  So I in turn will not judging them.

Oh the Blinding Fury

Nick threw two full on - NO HOLDS BARRED temper tantrums yesterday.  We are in full two year old mode here where he is the dictator and we are his servants.  If he wants to hit you he does.  If he thinks it would be funny to step on the dog, he does.  If he doesn't want to get into his car seat than it takes five minutes.  FIVE MINUTES of forcibly pushing a little body into the seat only to have him wiggle his arched head and back over three inches so that it is impossible to get the chest strap on and then just when you get his arms under the damned straps and have pushed his chest into the seat his hips fly out and legs kick you in the face - you recoil and have to start again.  Once you get him in the seat he promptly cries so hard he vomits  all over himself and the semi-clean car then falls asleep.  It is 9:45 am and you are finally able to get out of the Wal-mart parking lot.  Oh yes.  This little drama has to occur at child abuse central - WAL-MART.  It will be a long day.  It will be a day for margaritas at 2:00pm.  Because Daddy doesn't come home until Friday and the week is young.

Lucas is in the "why" phase.  It came on suddenly.  Without any warning at all.  Everything is "why".  I LOVE that he is super excited and curious about his world.  I love that his imagination has exploded and he wants to know how and why things are the way they are.  I love that he is smart enough to want to know "why".  However, when he is asking why that kid's shirt is red, or why don't we eat dirt, or why our teeth chew food, or why he can't sit on Nick's head. . . . I want to scream.  Usually the urge to scream is preceded by me patiently answering his questions. . . . question after question after question. . . . for what feels like hours - and then there comes a point where I want to scream.  Just before I do scream he usually makes me laugh by saying this phrase:  "Why Mommy, Why, WHY?"

Now.  Say that phrase as fast as you can and in a cute little kid voice and you might see the humor.  It makes me laugh every time because he sounds so urgent and so intense.  WHYYYYY??  And he kind of sounds like a crazy person too - which is how I feel, so it is doubly funny.  Why Mommy, why why!!??

Because I said so.

Two Thumbs

 Here are the boys clowning around with the camera on the computer. 

Lucas only wanted a picture of his thumb and eventually Nick decided that he needed a picture of his thumb too.  Cute.  Nick's vocabulary is expanding daily and he is up to four words per sentence and is now referring to himself as "I".  As in "I sneezed."  or "I want more." which is neat to see.  We have estimated his vocabulary at between 75-100 words which is good for a 24 month old.  He is also counting up to 6 consistently and to ten sporadically.  Soon we will introduce algorithms.  ;-)

Right HERE

I found my place.  You know that place where you want your ashes scattered or your remains to be buried?  That place.  For the second year in a row we went to the Pecos civil war reenactment which was fun.  But the best part of it was the location, at an old ranch site right by the Pecos River. We spent two nights in an old casita with walls that were at least 18 inches thick, which was good because the temperature topped 100 degrees and it was still a nice 60 degrees inside - with no air conditioning of any sort. 

Which brings me to another point.  WHY the hell aren't we ALL building adobe homes????  The energy savings in both the winter and summer would be mind blowing. 

Alright.  Back to "my spot".  It is down below the casita on the banks of the river.  Beautiful.  It is one of those places where you don't remember if you have any worries or concerns because. . .  ooooo look a dung beetle just went by.  Hey, is that a great blue heron that just landed 30 feet away - it IS.  Now I think instead of wading in the river I might just sit here and watch the heron go fishing.  OR I could go just a little bit down the river and wait for that beaver to come back out and start knawing away at the tree again.  Hmmmm what to do, what to do? 

And in the shade of the casitas' porch it was nice and cool too, and I was able to turn on the sprinklers for the boys to run and play in - because whew it was really hot outside.  Oh - wait?  Is that lemonade in the fridge?  IT IS.  Ahhhh, nevermind, all my worries are gone again.

Nick got a little too hot down at the reenactment while he was off petting the calvary's horses.  So when I got him back up to the casita he had a banana and a capri-sun.  He wouldn't touch the water anymore so I figured fluids were fluids.  And he sat in the shade and recovered for a bit before deciding to play in the sprinklers with Lucas and our friend Joanne's little girl Sara. 

Olivia learned to like the water - she kept sticking her face underwater trying to catch one of the teeny tiny fish.  She never did catch one, but the boys entertained her by throwing sticks in to the current that she chased.

Lucas loved the cannon being fired.  Just before the cannon fired for the first time the crowd that gathered became very quiet and attentive.  Lucas had his ears plugged right along with everyone else.  Just at this moment he decided to loudly (because his ears were plugged so he spoke even louder) declair that he just had "gas come out of my butt, Daddy (who was in uniform) did you hear it?  It was LOUD Daddy!!"

Daddy wanted to melt into the ground.

On the not so pleasant side I loaded up the kids and dog and wandered into town bright and early Saturday morning to locate a cup of coffee (how could I forget that?).  And on the way back a woman was selling fresh donuts at a road side stand.  OMG warm donuts!?!?  24 (tiny donuts) for $4 is a deal I can't pass up so we pulled over. While we were on the road side a pair of very large beautiful male pit bulls ran into the road (40mph speed limit) and one of them was hit and killed - just feet away from me.  The boys got to see that, because Olivia had called their attention to the dogs by barking.  I had never seen an animal die quite like that and it was very upsetting, but thankfully it was a quick death.  The other dog was terrified and ran away.  I learned later that they are frequent escapees from their owner. 

ALSO on the way home today I was cruising down I-25 and in the oncoming traffic a man had stepped into the "slow" lane and was attempting to have someone kill him (75mph speed limit).  The truck that nearly hit him swerved into the fast lane and ended up in the median.  All the cars behind him were screeching to a stop (hopefully they succeeded) and on the on-ramp a car was stopped and a person was running down to the man in the road (presumably to drag him out of the interstate!).  We didn't slow down or stop because that is the last damned thing I needed my kids to see.  The look on the man's face was terrible.  I'm surprised I saw it, but I somehow did.  His face was all scrunched up as if he was crying.  He was so young too.  I was not as shaken by this as I was the dog.  Weird huh?  As my friend pointed out - it was terribly unfair for that man to try to get some innocent person to kill him.  How awful of him to attempt to make another human live with his death on their hands. I don't know about you but I'd need some therapy if I'd have been the one to hit him - assuming I and my family survived the accident at all.  I felt bad for him, but not as bad as I would have felt for the person who hit him.  He was endangering many other lives and their mental health too.  I hope he lived, and I hope that he gets the help that he needs.  Maybe he could go hang out at my "spot" for a while and get some clarity. 

Yes my "spot" is that awesome.  I'm so lucky to have found it.

email me for a link to photos if you are interested.

Words

Lucas doesn't have an "edit" button yet so he thinks any topic is fair game.  In fact the other day he started a conversation with our BRAND new neighbors by saying that he had gas.  He has recently taught Nick to say diarrhea. 

How do you teach a three year old when, where and with whom to talk about certain subjects?  His interest in all things toilet and all body parts involving a toilet are totally age appropriate . . . . but edit.  Where is the mute button? 

(It is taking forever for my pics to download from our trip so I will post them asap.  I know you all are just dying with anticipation!!)  :o)

This Sucks

In true Johnson fashion we have failed to plan our for our upcoming trip camping with AJ's family. We have a limited amount of time to get a TON of stuff done. The most important of which is to get an complete drip irrigation system into the yard before we leave. Our plants will be dead when we get home if we don't accomplish this HUMONGOUS task. Our property is 0.24 acres and while the home takes up a chunk of that, there is still a large area that we have to dig trenches, run pipe, move existing rock, run electrical wire, set drip lines, program timers, ensure plants get adequate water. . . . . OMG!!!!! All in about ehhhh, 8 or 9 days (including weekdays where AJ is not home).

I moved about two tons of river rock yesterday. . . and here is a picture of what ONE of my hands look like - you should see the palm of this hand. I am in pain and miserable but there is no slacking off now. Trenching has only begun and I still have a few more tons of rock to move. I'm cranky and irritable.


Damn us for not planning better. Damn us for sitting on our butts on Saturday night, casually discussing the trip and then realizing with wide eyes that we need to MOVE NOW on this project because time has snuck up on us. Sunday and Monday were spent in planning and the beginning stages of the project. We have hundreds of feet of pipe, fittings, valves etc.

Plus we have a huge list of difficult, time consuming chores that also need to be accomplished before we leave. We need new tires and rims for the trailer. We need a battery for the trailer. We need trailer brakes installed on the vehicle. We need to get the F-ing trailer registered which is proving harder than we expected. Couple that with AJ leaving town for 2 weeks, doctors appointments, AJ getting the flu, and you have the makings of a panic attack for old Kristin.

This is just me venting. I get that everyone is stressed about things and my things probably aren't that terrible. I am just pissy that we are so poor at planning. It is always last minute with us and I hate that it causes unnecessary stress.

Happy Birthday Nick!!!

Two Years Old!!

Hippity Hoppity

Meet one of our neighborhood Leporidae who was chilling out on our lawn for most of the day.  The dog and kids love to come and watch the twitchy noses and bulging cheeks as they eat.  The top picture is in "it's too damn hot out here" mode.  This was before the storm.  The bottom picture is when it was in storm mode. . . preparing for more rain and wind warrants laying the ears down flat. Pretty stinkin' cute.  

You Know When . . .

You know when you've had a challenging day full of adult concerns and suddenly your kids put what matters most into perspective? 

What matters most is that Nick is not feeling well and fell asleep in my bed. 

What matters most is that Lucas is very concerned about his scab falling off prematurely. 

That is what matters. The rest of the nonsense can wait.

Making a Good Lasting Impression

Today is Lucas' last day of school for the summer!!!  As a treat I fed the boys cinnamon sugar toast dipped in milk for breakfast.  Mmmm. When Lucas' bus arrived I was still in my pajamas and I helped him out the door and onto the bus.

Just then something darted behind the bus.  It was Olivia.  Nick must have let her outside (I must not have shut the door all the way).  She is across the court in a flash and is fence fighting with our neighbors dogs.  I'm taking after her with my bra-less boobs jiggling all over the damned place while yelling at her to "GET OVER HERE", which was highly effective as evidenced by her continued barking and complete disregard for my approaching presence.  Meanwhile the bus is waiting, and waiting and I can't figure out why they haven't left.  My neighbor who owns the dogs Olivia is trying to eat, comes out and sees me jiggling all over as I try to walk barefoot over gravel to retrieve my pain in the ass dog.  So I drag the dog back over to the house and as I get closer I see Nick standing out on the soaking wet grass . . . naked.

Nick apparently stripped off his PJ's and diaper to come outside.  To top it off there was cinnamon and butter covering his face and he was happily munching away on a slice of cinnamon toast.

The bus didn't leave because they didn't want to hit Nick who was unsupervised, NAKED and eating on the front lawn at 7:20am while I was dragging our crazy ass dog back to the house while trying to casually hold my boobs down with one arm. 

Our relationship with the Bus People started out shaky and it is ending with a big old white trash bang.

I Hate Coupons

I hate coupons, people.  It makes me think of beautiful women with perfect hair and makeup who shower daily, clipping coupons in their clean immaculate clothes.  Their chores get done promptly by 8am and the rest of the day is spent tickling and cuddling their adorable equally perfect children.  I know this prejudice is sooooo not based in reality but again you can blame my delusions on the drinking and my inferiority complex.  :-)

But I gotta tell you, coupons are starting to look better after I found this site. The Krazy Coupon Lady pretty much takes the work out of coupons for you.  Check out the deals - sorted by store.  I might convert to more of a coupon clipper now that I have found this.  Who doesn't love a deal?

Now that I've let you know about my super awesome discovery, I'm going to go try to brush this ENORMOUS knot out of my hair (I let the boys "style" my hair earlier) and try to find something worth eating for dinner. And if you drop unexpectedly by my home I will not answer the door because I'm embarrassed by the mess.  Just a little FYI on that.  I will also hold unexpected visits against you for eternity (it's how I deal with the embarrassment, "it's not my fault it's yours", kind of mentality).  I'm super bitchy like that.

Lazy Monday

Morning Window

I got hit in the eye and then the mouth with flying little kid toenails as I tried to trim them.  Lucas thought this was hysterical and told me to do it again and again.  YUCK

AJ is working hard to change the sheets on our bed while the kids are "helping".  He is so great.

I kicked my Dyson in anger for it's failure to operate.  That should teach it a lesson.  My foot is now tinged with a developing bruise.  My foot apparently got a lesson too.

Nick and Lucas are jumping and giggling together on my bed.  They are so funny.  And are having a great time.  I love the sound of their giggles.

I need to shampoo the carpets. . . there is a spattering of vomit on it from Lucas being sick yesterday.  That was nice to find.

Oh NO He Didn't!!

Yesterday Lucas decided to show the neighbors my "boo boo's" and without the slightest warning whipped up my shirt to expose my flabby, stretch mark-y, blindingly white belly - which has hardly noticeable scars.  Yeah.  The neighbors didn't see scars because they were hard to see past the aforementioned albino belly.


It was a great feeling of humiliation.  I promptly pulled my shirt down and through gritted teeth and smiling (FAKE) lips told Lucas to leave my shirt down.  The neighbors turned away quickly as if they had just seen some monstrously hairy plumbers crack.

Good times.

I can't wait to whip up my shirt and show his first wide eyed girlfriend my scars in 11 or so years. I'll just use a fake case of alcoholism as an excuse. . . .

Gift bags for Lucas' preschool teachers

Here are some gift bags that I made for Lucas' teachers. Ms. Amy McCollum orchestrated the entire project! I think it all turned out beautifully. We made the bags, and inside put two post-it pads, three pencils tied together with ribbon, two pens and a thank you card.  I made three bags and it took me about 3.5 hours.  Fun!! 



Pens with fancy paper inside to add a personalized touch.

Handmade paper flowers decorating a pad of post-its.


It was fun hangin' out with the girls today and even better that I can now give beautiful gifts to some amazing teachers that deserve every ounce of recognition!!

Forgot to Get Good Pictures

 Well, Miss Joanne came into town yesterday to visit us and these are the only pictures I got of the kiddos.  Sorry Amy.  BUT Joanne got some pictures so you may want to hit her up for some. . . .

We had a great visit! It was so nice to finally see her beautiful girls.  Caroline (the baby) has the best facial expressions!  She smiles at you constantly.  Sara and the boys played so well together.  Sara is going to be real trouble as a teenager with her cheekbones and big beautiful brown eyes.  Look out Iffy!

And on a completely unrelated subject.  Lucas fell out of bed again last night and this is how he looked.  SO CUTE!!  We keep the old crib mattress there so that when he falls out of bed it isn't so bad.  Apparently it wasn't bad at all because he never really woke up.  His legs are still suspended in the blankets.  Funny kid.

Seriously.  What the hell is wrong with me/blogger that I can't get the text over/under my pictures?  This is Ridiculous!!!

Trouble

There was a crash, then some crying. Then grunting and shoving then the crying got louder, then the other one started crying after something hit the wall. I walk over to where they were behind the couch and saw that they were arguing over a single screw. All that for a screw. Both of them went to their rooms.

Then they were allowed out of their rooms at which point they began hitting each other with hammers. Back to their rooms. Once the crying stopped they were allowed out again.

Now there is more grunting and an "uh oh" sound coming from their general direction. I am sitting here typing while drinking a beer.

Time to go deal with the "uh oh".

You May Not Care But. . .

LUCAS IS POOPING ON THE TOILET NOW!!!!!!

It has taken us a long time to convince him that pooping on the toilet is better than pooping in underwear or pullups. He was very stubborn about this and while he was more than happy to go potty in the toilet he absolutely REFUSED to go poop on there. It got to the point where he would flat out refuse to go at all until he became horribly constipated and then it was painful which made the whole situation worse.

The pediatrician told us to not put any pressure on him because it would make it worse. So we just ignored it and kept changing his pullups every time he pooped. He would tell us he had to poop and we would change him from underwear into pullups so that he could go. Again, if we didn't put him in pullups then he would get constipated and end up in pain, which would make him more unwilling to go. We used mild laxatives that the Doc prescribed but those were just to get him to GO in pullups after a bout of self inflicted constipation.

I can't emphasize how excited I am. Finally WE HAVE POOP IN A TOILET!!!!!!!

People who aren't parents may not understand what a huge freaking deal this is but having one less bottom to wrap in a diaper is a very big deal!

And more important than Lucas' accomplishment is my accomplishment:

I have finally potty trained someone! Horray for me. I don't fail the potty training section of parenting!!!!!

: ) *kidding of course*

Ta Daaaaaa

Here it is. 17 feet folded up and only 2000 lbs (our vehicle is rated to tow 4500 lbs). It is cute and perfect for what we will use it for. I am so excited!!! I have been looking and shopping for one of these things for the last few years and finally we found one that was just right. We camped in it at Meteor Crater and realized just how easier life will be with the trailer. We can run away on the weekends and not have TONS of work setting up camp. Just throw some camp chairs into camp and call it good. It has a refrigerator that will save me from messing with ice chests too.

Since camping is "our thing" I don't consider this wasteful or unnecessary spending. This will make it easier for us to introduce the boys to our passion: the outdoors. I don't really intend on "camping" in locations with hookups. It is kind of cheating to call sleeping in an RV/trailer "camping" to begin with. When the kids are older we will introduce them to backpacking which is a whole new level of awesomeness.

Meteor Crater. I had never been here before but we splurged and spent the $15 per adult to go see it. And it was worth it. The visitor center was really well done and good for all ages. We weren't able to do the rim walk but I would like to return to do it when the boys are older and less prone to jumping off a cliff.


Case in point: Note that Nick's feet are not on the ground? Yes, he was attempting to jump the fence.


And the lack of railing at this location made me nervous. Especially since there is a lizard sitting on the edge of the path (you may see it in the picture) that Nick was intrigued with. I kept a firm hold of the hood on his sweatshirt because he refuses to hold hands. I forgot his leash at home. . . .


And then there was the case of Nick laying on his belly trying to squeeze under this railing. This is an overlook that is a hanging platform over the cliff. There is about a 50 foot drop under that railing, and you wouldn't land on marshmallows. No you would land on jagged rock outcrops.


This is the look he gave me when I reprimanded him for attempting to get under the railing. Needless to say he was never out of my reach. I am hoping that he will soon learn caution and/or some measure of fear.


Lucas on the other hand preferred to look at the drop from between the slats in the decking.


And he didn't try to jump through the railings. We still kept a hold of his hand though.


Here he is after he shoved Nick off of the benches. We had a great time at the crater despite Nick's repeated attempts to jump. The kids got out of the car and ran around which was really nice. Plus they got to see the resident kitty cat kill a lizard and then proudly parade around with it before eating it. Exciting stuff for little boys. AND they got to push every single button on the interactive displays in the visitor center - which was a really big deal. Buttons were everywhere!!!

Spur of the moment

Well it looks like we are leaving for Phoenix tonight. We found a trailer that is an unbelievable deal and so off we go to get it. The kids haven't sat for a road trip in a very long time so I am a bit worried about how they will handle it. Hopefully they will just suck it up and be cheerful. . . .that also sounds a bit unbelievable.

I am hoping that this trip isn't a waste. I hope the trailer is all that the man described and what the pictures show. If the trailer doesn't work out there are several others in the Phoenix area that we will go see.

Instead of a pop up trailer that we were shopping for it is a small hard sided trailer with pop out ends for the beds aka "hybrid". I know we will use this trailer all the time. Last year we went tent camping a handful of times and had a great time. However we discovered that setting up a camp with the boys is wayyyyyy too much work for one weekend trip. And we only seem to get weekend trips so a trailer would simplify the whole experience exponentially. Plus we wouldn't freeze our butts off like I did last year. And if it rains, like last year, it won't ruin the whole experience by creating freezing, soaking wet kids, beds and food.

I'm a little stressed out about spending money and about the last minute travel. And of course a tenant called tonight because her stove isn't working at all. So I have to try to get a repairman out there (while traveling in the car) this weekend or asap, which is stressing me out too. I hate spending money. Did I already mention that I hate spending money? Well, just so you know, I hate spending money. : )

Oh, and one more thing: I hate spending money.

Wild and Crazy

Now that I'm back to my old self and healed from the gallbladder thing the boys aren't cutting me any slack. I really don't know how people with more than two children are able to function. It blows my mind to think of what life must be like with three, four or more kids. I am just not cut out for that. I readily admit I'm not sure I'm cut out for two, but I'm trying to toughen up and roll with the punches.

Nick was taking a shower last night with Lucas while I sat down for the first time in hours. Suddenly I hear a joyful squealing and a small, pale, naked, dripping streak go running by me. It was Nick soaking wet and enthusiastic about running around the house after "escaping" the shower. I just sat there and let him. What the hell, why not? So he did some laps went back into the shower presumably to warm up and then came running by me again. And again I let him. My carpet will dry right?

Then I went to dress Lucas and Nick decided to take a hold of his privates and take a big pee on the bath mat. Little #$%@!. I would have punished him but he isn't potty trained and I am 80% sure he did it on purpose but since there is a questionable gray area I opted to ignore it rather than unfairly discipline a not-quite-two year old over misplaced urine. I'm just glad I don't need to shampoo the carpet . . . again.

And dressing Nick lately is like calf roping. Have you ever seen a rodeo with calf roping? All the skinny limbs kicking and thrashing trying to get away? And the rodeo dude doing his best to get a hold of every flailing body part and pin the thrashing body down at the same time. . .? That is me with Nick lately. Any sort of a diaper change is some sort of weird toddler power struggle and for Nick it is like a fight to the death. Good versus EVIL. Nick versus the UNIVERSE and by GOD he is determined to exert control over when and where the diaper changes occur - and if they occur at all. Incidentally I have found that holding his hips down with one hand and fastening the diaper with the other works fairly well. His shoulders and legs can move about pretty freely in their protests but as long as the hips are relatively still it IS POSSIBLE to get the damned thing on.

Lucas is still having hearing trouble. The other day I offered to help him hear me by grabbing hold of his ear and gently (I'm serious, I was gentle) guiding him closer to me so he could hear me. He thought this was a big joke and I'm glad he took it as a joke because I was fresh out of ideas to get him to listen to me. He is in this "I can do it myself" stage which is really freaking cute when he wants to buckle himself into the car seat. However when he is opening your fridge and attempting to pour his own milk into his cereal bowl while you are tripping and falling on the floor over the pants you were trying to put on in order to PHYSICALLY stop (I mean "help") him . . . because he suddenly can't seem to hear you telling him to "wait! Stop! Hold on while mommy gets her pants zipped!!! " it isn't so adorable anymore.

Whew that was one hell of a run on sentence there. Sorry.

Here they are doing their naked laps through the house prior to shower time.


Here is Nick hiding under a bed so he doesn't have to shower. It was really fun dragging his naked flailing body out of there by an ankle while he screamed and cried as if I was about to beat him. I really shudder to think about what our neighbors hear through our open windows. Me yelling, kids screaming and crying, then hysterical maniacal toddler laughter followed the sound of a beer opening. . . we are classy people.


Speaking of classy . . .


Mmmm. Daddy is out of town and Mommy needed to have a few seconds of quiet time so this was the solution - whipped cream out of a can for everyone. Hey. No judging. At least it wasn't canned squirt cheese, that is a whole new level of classy.


And now for the good stuff.

Lucas brought me an adorable plant that he made at school for Mom's day. As he got off the bus holding the plant he watched my face to see my reaction to his gift. I of course LIT UP at his beautiful present and he in return was beaming at my excitement. He was so proud of himself for giving me something I so clearly loved. And I do love it. It was one of the best presents I've ever received because it came from such a sweet angel. Lucas is also speaking much better. He will be returning to his Phonics program at his preschool next year which I am happy about.

Nick is putting three words together but is still pretty hard to understand. He is pedaling a tricycle by himself in imitation of his brother on a bicycle. We need to get him a helmet now that he is a cyclist. Nick is exceptionally cuddly and still wants his Momma all the time. And he still steals sips of my coffee when I turn my back which I don't mind because it seems to calm him down instead of hype him up - so I ignore the occasional sips. Today Lucas hurt his head and was crying hard so Nick ran to the freezer, opened it up and brought the Scooby-Doo ice pack I keep in there so that Lucas could feel better. It was so sweet and so thoughtful. I love moments like that because it makes me feel like despite the daily struggles (and there are many) I might be doing something right.

Trip to Klamath

When I lived so close to Mt Shasta in High School, I kind of took the amazing views for granted. On Monday I took a brief trip back to Klamath Falls, Or and realized how beautiful the area really is. I don't ever want to live there again but it was really nice to visit and see all the beauty.

So in the last two weeks I have either been terribly sick, in horrible balled-up-on-the-floor pain, or hopped up on medications. I went on a quick trip to Oregon to be with my Mom for her breast cancer surgery. The good things about the trip were the views, and the ability to spend time with my family. Stella and I drove up from Sacramento and it was the first time in a long time that we have spent time together just the two of us. I really enjoyed seeing her and talking uninterrupted. Plus it was nice to see my parents with my own eyes and know how they were doing, instead of trying to figure it all out over the phone.

Mom's surgery went well and she was up and about the next day even though we kept yelling at her to take it easy and to freakin' sit DOWN. Stella made us all her "famous lettuce wraps" which were really good. My vicadin mysteriously disappeared, and I'm pretty convinced someone stole it out of my purse at one of the airports on my way to Klamath. But Motrin worked well enough so I didn't miss it too badly. But two days out of surgery a little vicadin after a 15 hour travel day would have been nice. I'm just sayin' . I hope the bastard that took it from me sees this and feels guilty. . . highly probable.

The flight back into Albuquerque was a very turbulent one. Winds were high so the plane bounced around quite a bit. I see why they want you to wear seat belts now, because they were literally holding me into the seat. The overhead bins were springing open every now and then which CAN'T be good. Now that people have to pay to check baggage they are cramming everything into the overhead bins in large and heavy bags that would hurt if they fell on a head. And I didn't know this but the sides of the plane can flex in and out which I think was making a lot of people upset. When you see the entire plane contracting and moving it is unnerving. So people were screaming and grabbing onto each other with each large bump. On the small bumps there was a chorus of gasps and lots of clenched white knuckles. I was less excited about the whole thing because . . . really, what was my anxiety going to solve? I kind of figured that if we were going to die then we were going to die. Freaking out about it before hand wouldn't really solve anything. The lady next to me was so annoying with her screaming that I distracted her with conversation - which surprisingly worked!!!

Lesson of the story: I'm a God-damned ROCK in the face of danger. I'm the next Charlie's Angel, people. Nothing rattles me. ;-)