Hooker Heels

I need to locate and purchase black pumps.  Not hooker shoes, but nice looking shoes.  The last time I wore black pumps was a few years ago and those particular shoes were so ugly and so uncomfortable I vowed to never wear them again.  I will tell you why.

First off: shopping online is a nightmare.  I have to constantly return shoes that do not fit.  It is really agony.

Today was day four of the shoe search.  I have been to every single store that sells shoes within a 15 mile radius - I'm not kidding you one bit.  I have been to major department stores and I have been to cheap Payless Shoe Stores.  I have been everywhere.  Why is this a problem??  Because I wear a size 12.  And size 12 women's shoes (excluding clogs, loafers and rubber wading boots) are next to impossible to find.

Example of a shoe store experience:  I walk in, and from experience I don't waste time looking around in the larger shoe stores.  I walk directly up to a sales person and ask what black pumps they have in size 12.  If it is a help yourself store - they point to a tiny corner rack against a wall where there are hideously large versions of plastic shoes.  If it is a nicer shoe store they do the obligatory walk to the back room to "look" and return with their head shaking.  One man pointed to a single pair of wicker looking shoes.  I asked him if this was "it" and said "uh-huh" and turned and sauntered off.  Bastard.

In the help yourself stores the tiny corner rack is usually the crappiest of the crappy.  I have to walk over just to be sure - and as I stand there I see cute shoes here and there and I have hope.  Blessed hope.  With the speed of a desperate vulture, I quickly snatch a pair and immediately check the size.  Size 10.  Bitches.  All the small footed bitches of the world love to taunt us enhanced footed women by putting their tiny shoes on our skimpy racks just to make us angry.  It works.  All the cute shoes that popped out at me are too small - and they were on "my" tiny sparse rack.  God. Damned. Bitches. It happens every time.

Store after store.  In the past I have asked people if they knew of stores that might have my size.  And they always say something like this "My cousin's wife's aunt who has enormous feet has always found lots of shoes at (insert shoe store), you should go there."  I then get my hopes up and excitedly hurry off to the store.  Surprise - those stores NEVER have a size 12.  They have 10 and 11, but not 12.  So if anyone else has any advice on where to go - please keep it to yourself unless you want me to become violent.  I'm done listening to stories about your cousin's wife's aunt and her terribly enormous feet.


Today, on my last store I wearily walked the isles, expertly scanning the sizes on the boxes.  Some stores make it easier because they put the enhanced sizes into a bigger box!!  Yayyy - I love to feel like I'm blending in as I walk around with a huge shoe box - while all the other bitches have their size 7 tiny boxes.  One woman elbowed past me as if I was about to steal the last Lucite hooker heel in her size.  She then stood there and complained about them not having the right color in the shoe she was looking for.  Poor woman - the tan one fit, but she could not locate a maroon one that fit.  I won't lie.  I fantasized about elbowing her in the nose and breaking her nose.  I don't feel bad.

I found the only two pair of shoes they had that are one size too small - but might, with luck, fit me.  When you are in my position, you either make yourself like the ugly too small shoes, or you go to your event in bare feet.  I noticed I was protectively holding my box of shoes like a tailback in a football game.  Fuck it.  I'm a bitch too.  Stay away from my hideous, small, hooker heels bitches!!

I tried the shoes on, dejectedly, in a corner.  One pair will "work" for my needs.  It isn't ideal, but it will work.  Four days.  One pair of shoes.  I bet that I will be crippled after wearing these hideous shoes.  But they are all I've got. 

If you see me in inappropriate shoes, don't you dare say anything to me.  Don't you dare.  I might step on you with my enormous feet if you anger me.  And after being crammed into small shoes my feet will kill you with the stink too.  Beware.  I'm not afraid to use these babies.

I really need to locate a cross-dresser store.  Cross-dressers (not drag queen's - there is a difference) need practical pumps don't they??  Where do they shop?  Because I need to go to those stores.  I'm not too proud.  In fact I have a great deal of sympathy for the cross-dressing men of the world who need to locate decent shoes.  Maybe I should open up my own store.  I'd make a fortune.  Cross-dresser's and big-footed women welcome.  I really think it would be a big success.  Why do big and tall men get stores, but tall women with big feet do not?? 

AJ actually suggested I contact GLAAD and ask them for a local cross-dresser group so I could find out where they shop.  I am seriously considering it - no joke.